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Substance Abuse
How to believe and not be fooled?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 625060" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have a suggestion. You can take it or not.</p><p></p><p>Do not get involved in her drama. It won't change anything and will be bad for your mental and physical health. You an not control her, her boyfriend, her drug habit...anybody but yourself. It is not your daughter's boyfriends responsibility to try to change her and...even though this is harsh...he owes you nothing. Your daughter is the one who has to change her thinking or she will not do better. I hope she backs up her words with actions. I am slow to believe words until I see actions.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article in Parent Emeritus on Detachment. You may also want to pick up a book called "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. These resources however are for YOU, not for your daughter. I know you have tried everything...we all did...in the end it is up to one person...the person using the drugs.</p><p></p><p>When my daughter went too far with the drugs, we had her leave and she did quit, but she didn't write us letters about it. She did it. At the same time, she was able to elude jail so she didn't have the time your daughter has as her brother, who she went to live with, insisted she either work or live on the streets so she worked. And she walked to and from work because she had no means of transportation. She was in a new state and had dumped all of her old friends. A real marker as to seriousness about quitting is when they no longer want to communicate with their old "friends." I quote it because they are anything but friends. Until my daughter dumped them, and she had to move to another state AND she was VERY LONELY for a long time, she could not quit the drug cycle. Many times she wanted to, but let's just say misery loves company and puts pressure on the user to continue doing so. Sometimes there are even threats. I knew nothing about any of the horrors until after she quit and told us about it. Your daughter will not share 100% with you. Part of it is that she is ashamed, part is that she loves you and does n't want you to know the truth about drug life.</p><p></p><p>My daughter is clean ten years now. I pray the same for your daughter one day. But please...live your own life too, in spite of your daughter's struggles Nagging her, begging her, bargaining with her...none of that will change her, as you've probably seen already. It has to come from inside of HER and your involvement in her addiction will not cure it or change it.</p><p></p><p>No matter how much you put your life on hold to try to save your daughter, it won't make any difference in the path she decides to take and you deserve a happy, healthy rest-of-your-life even if your daughter is in trouble now. I wish you the best and in no way do I mean to tell you what you HAVE to do. These are merely my thoughts and suggestions.</p><p></p><p>My thoughts are with you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 625060, member: 1550"] I have a suggestion. You can take it or not. Do not get involved in her drama. It won't change anything and will be bad for your mental and physical health. You an not control her, her boyfriend, her drug habit...anybody but yourself. It is not your daughter's boyfriends responsibility to try to change her and...even though this is harsh...he owes you nothing. Your daughter is the one who has to change her thinking or she will not do better. I hope she backs up her words with actions. I am slow to believe words until I see actions. You may want to read the article in Parent Emeritus on Detachment. You may also want to pick up a book called "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie. These resources however are for YOU, not for your daughter. I know you have tried everything...we all did...in the end it is up to one person...the person using the drugs. When my daughter went too far with the drugs, we had her leave and she did quit, but she didn't write us letters about it. She did it. At the same time, she was able to elude jail so she didn't have the time your daughter has as her brother, who she went to live with, insisted she either work or live on the streets so she worked. And she walked to and from work because she had no means of transportation. She was in a new state and had dumped all of her old friends. A real marker as to seriousness about quitting is when they no longer want to communicate with their old "friends." I quote it because they are anything but friends. Until my daughter dumped them, and she had to move to another state AND she was VERY LONELY for a long time, she could not quit the drug cycle. Many times she wanted to, but let's just say misery loves company and puts pressure on the user to continue doing so. Sometimes there are even threats. I knew nothing about any of the horrors until after she quit and told us about it. Your daughter will not share 100% with you. Part of it is that she is ashamed, part is that she loves you and does n't want you to know the truth about drug life. My daughter is clean ten years now. I pray the same for your daughter one day. But please...live your own life too, in spite of your daughter's struggles Nagging her, begging her, bargaining with her...none of that will change her, as you've probably seen already. It has to come from inside of HER and your involvement in her addiction will not cure it or change it. No matter how much you put your life on hold to try to save your daughter, it won't make any difference in the path she decides to take and you deserve a happy, healthy rest-of-your-life even if your daughter is in trouble now. I wish you the best and in no way do I mean to tell you what you HAVE to do. These are merely my thoughts and suggestions. My thoughts are with you. [/QUOTE]
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How to believe and not be fooled?
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