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How to cope with the smell and the grime?
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 639191" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>I understand, Lucy. I understand about the grief about your son (and mine) living this way, and I really understand about the stink. It is more than a shower will wash off. If you son is like mine his feet will still smell to an overwhelming degree even after a shower. The clothes will be unfixable...hot water, bleach, and two washings will not fix it. They need to be thrown away in a double sealed bag, and new ones bought. I'm not saying you need to do this for him...I'm saying that a shower and laundromat will not fix the problem...not even close.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry. Smell is so basic. It is awful to hug your son and then feel like the stench of touching him clings to you. It is a thing no parent can imagine until it happens to them. </p><p></p><p>I try to avoid hugging difficult child. It is complicated now. He was such a cute huggy little baby too! And he always wanted to hug me hello and goodbye. But it feels like an assault now, at some level I am offended and angry that he forces this nastiness on me, that I have to submit to being near his stench. </p><p></p><p>I get it Lucy. I don't really know how you should handle it. I don't really know what to do about the smell of their feet.</p><p></p><p>My SO used to meet my son at the door and herd him into the basement to shave and shower before he could see me. We've tried keeping clean clothes at the house that he had to leave here..a pair of pajamas, jeans, a tshirt...put 'em on when you get here, leave them when you leave. Even as I write that it seems like a possible solution for you too...</p><p></p><p>Do what will make it easiest for you to see your son. From what I've come to understand about you, you will want to see him and you will need him to not stink. That leads me to a a plastic bag for his clothes on arrival, and a clean set of clothes to wear at home, no pausing to say hi before a shower, no hugging till showered and dressed in clean clothes. It won't be perfect but it will help.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and hopes for you and your son.</p><p></p><p>Mine appears to be lost to me for now. I haven't seen him in four months, by my own decision and his actions. I wish for better things for you.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 639191, member: 17269"] I understand, Lucy. I understand about the grief about your son (and mine) living this way, and I really understand about the stink. It is more than a shower will wash off. If you son is like mine his feet will still smell to an overwhelming degree even after a shower. The clothes will be unfixable...hot water, bleach, and two washings will not fix it. They need to be thrown away in a double sealed bag, and new ones bought. I'm not saying you need to do this for him...I'm saying that a shower and laundromat will not fix the problem...not even close. I'm sorry. Smell is so basic. It is awful to hug your son and then feel like the stench of touching him clings to you. It is a thing no parent can imagine until it happens to them. I try to avoid hugging difficult child. It is complicated now. He was such a cute huggy little baby too! And he always wanted to hug me hello and goodbye. But it feels like an assault now, at some level I am offended and angry that he forces this nastiness on me, that I have to submit to being near his stench. I get it Lucy. I don't really know how you should handle it. I don't really know what to do about the smell of their feet. My SO used to meet my son at the door and herd him into the basement to shave and shower before he could see me. We've tried keeping clean clothes at the house that he had to leave here..a pair of pajamas, jeans, a tshirt...put 'em on when you get here, leave them when you leave. Even as I write that it seems like a possible solution for you too... Do what will make it easiest for you to see your son. From what I've come to understand about you, you will want to see him and you will need him to not stink. That leads me to a a plastic bag for his clothes on arrival, and a clean set of clothes to wear at home, no pausing to say hi before a shower, no hugging till showered and dressed in clean clothes. It won't be perfect but it will help. Hugs and hopes for you and your son. Mine appears to be lost to me for now. I haven't seen him in four months, by my own decision and his actions. I wish for better things for you. Echo [/QUOTE]
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