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How to deal with narcissistic son
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 728937" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Acacia, I know how you are feeling. My son is also narcissistic and manipulative. </p><p>Your son is grooming you with his manipulation when he calls you and telling you how much he appreciates you supporting him trying to get custody of his daughter. He thinks you are supporting him because you went to a court date and copied papers for him.</p><p>If it were me, I would not do any more for him. The more you do for him the more he will expect from you and the bigger the blow up will be when it doesn't happen.</p><p>I know in dealing with my son I am very vague with responses and answers because he is narcissistic I have found this is my best defense. I don't think it's so much that you are afraid to tell your son the truth in that when dealing with a narcissistic personality they will believe what they want regardless of the truth. The more you try and tell them why something won't work for them the more they will argue why it will.</p><p>You might want to consider writing some answers/responses down for when your son calls. Also, just because he calls does not mean you have to answer or accept the charges.</p><p>Some examples:</p><p>Son: Mom I really need you to do "whatever he asks"</p><p>You: I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to that.</p><p>Son: Why not?</p><p>You: As I said, I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to do that. The key here is to keep repeating the same answer.</p><p>Son: If you cared about me you would help me.</p><p>You: As I said, I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to do that. You do not want to engage in a debate - you do not owe him any kind of reason for why you won't help.</p><p>When you have had enough, these lines are perfect.</p><p>Someone's at the door, gotta go, love you bye! then just hang up</p><p>The potatoes are boiling over, gotta go, love you bye! then just hang up</p><p>I'm late for an appointment, gotta go, love you bye! then just hang up</p><p>If he asks your opinion about something be very careful here. Again, having some standard go to replies is very helpful. Some examples.</p><p>I'm not sure, what do you think you should do?</p><p>I have no doubt that you can figure something out.</p><p></p><p>Something that has really helped me to truly detach from my son is to accept and understand that <span style="color: #ff4d4d"><u><strong>I do not owe him anything.</strong></u></span> You see, we have raised our children. They are adults now, they need to be taking care of themselves and dealing with their own issues and those issues are more often than not of their own making. </p><p>In the latest letters I've received from my son in jail, he has said all the right things. Of course I hope he is sincere but I've been down this road too many times. I have my guard up. I look at it that he is grooming me to try and manipulate me. I know that when he is released he will most likely want something from me, probably money. My answer will be "I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to do that"</p><p>I will no longer put myself in a position to be manipulated by my son.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong Acacia!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 728937, member: 18516"] Hi Acacia, I know how you are feeling. My son is also narcissistic and manipulative. Your son is grooming you with his manipulation when he calls you and telling you how much he appreciates you supporting him trying to get custody of his daughter. He thinks you are supporting him because you went to a court date and copied papers for him. If it were me, I would not do any more for him. The more you do for him the more he will expect from you and the bigger the blow up will be when it doesn't happen. I know in dealing with my son I am very vague with responses and answers because he is narcissistic I have found this is my best defense. I don't think it's so much that you are afraid to tell your son the truth in that when dealing with a narcissistic personality they will believe what they want regardless of the truth. The more you try and tell them why something won't work for them the more they will argue why it will. You might want to consider writing some answers/responses down for when your son calls. Also, just because he calls does not mean you have to answer or accept the charges. Some examples: Son: Mom I really need you to do "whatever he asks" You: I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to that. Son: Why not? You: As I said, I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to do that. The key here is to keep repeating the same answer. Son: If you cared about me you would help me. You: As I said, I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to do that. You do not want to engage in a debate - you do not owe him any kind of reason for why you won't help. When you have had enough, these lines are perfect. Someone's at the door, gotta go, love you bye! then just hang up The potatoes are boiling over, gotta go, love you bye! then just hang up I'm late for an appointment, gotta go, love you bye! then just hang up If he asks your opinion about something be very careful here. Again, having some standard go to replies is very helpful. Some examples. I'm not sure, what do you think you should do? I have no doubt that you can figure something out. Something that has really helped me to truly detach from my son is to accept and understand that [COLOR=#ff4d4d][U][B]I do not owe him anything.[/B][/U][/COLOR] You see, we have raised our children. They are adults now, they need to be taking care of themselves and dealing with their own issues and those issues are more often than not of their own making. In the latest letters I've received from my son in jail, he has said all the right things. Of course I hope he is sincere but I've been down this road too many times. I have my guard up. I look at it that he is grooming me to try and manipulate me. I know that when he is released he will most likely want something from me, probably money. My answer will be "I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to do that" I will no longer put myself in a position to be manipulated by my son. Stay strong Acacia!!! [/QUOTE]
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