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How to deal with the entitled attitude, financial stuff with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 644182" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Scott, we think a lot alike, although I'm not quite as tough as you are. But the money train does not keep running after the kids are not in full time college and old enough to work full time. If they are well behaved at home and doing something fruitful such as going to school or working full time (most of my kids did go to school then worked) they can stay home. I expect them to work part-time though. Nothing wrong with putting in a few hours somewhere to pay for your own gas and help out a bit.And the thing is, all of my kids, in retrospect, AGREE with what I did and I am on good terms with them. They are not angry that I made him go to work. Or didn't get them new cars.</p><p></p><p>I have found it to be very effective even for my difficult child. He had a very entitled attitude and had been spoiled rotten as an only child for six years. But I could see that if we continued to keep handing him the free stuff he would never go out on his own so the money stopped at sixteen and when he wanted to drive it was OUR care, not his own personal car. Nobody living at home needs a personal car, the high insurance that goes with young adults on insurance, and the probable accident. They paid their extra part of the insurance too. Even difficult child. He had to share our second car with his brother Scott. When they dented it up, it did not get fixed. The managed to get to work, both of them, sharing one car.</p><p></p><p>If they use the car as an excuse not to work, they just don't want to work. None of my kids had their own cars and they all worked except Jumper because of her sports which took up too much time. Even my autistic son worked as a senior in high school. If he can work, with his challenges, every other young adult here can work at something. We owe it to our grown kids to allow them to grow up. Often we are too afraid of them to let them grow up because they may behave in scary ways. or we are afraid they can't make it as a grown up, and if my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son can, your adult child can. We were told that Sonic would never do anything other than vegetate and live in a group home. We did not accept that. Sonic lives alone, pays his own expenses and works part time five days a week. If he can do it, so you can your kid. Sonic does not ask us for money either.</p><p></p><p>Just food for thought. Doesn't mean you have to do it Scott's way or my way. These are just some things that worked for some of us.</p><p></p><p>Let's face it. None of us can live forever and the more stressed we are, the shorter we are likely to live. What will our grown kids do if they are dependent on us when we are gone? Even if we leave the money, will they have a clue how to manage it?</p><p></p><p>Just things to think about...not answer here on the board.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 644182, member: 1550"] Scott, we think a lot alike, although I'm not quite as tough as you are. But the money train does not keep running after the kids are not in full time college and old enough to work full time. If they are well behaved at home and doing something fruitful such as going to school or working full time (most of my kids did go to school then worked) they can stay home. I expect them to work part-time though. Nothing wrong with putting in a few hours somewhere to pay for your own gas and help out a bit.And the thing is, all of my kids, in retrospect, AGREE with what I did and I am on good terms with them. They are not angry that I made him go to work. Or didn't get them new cars. I have found it to be very effective even for my difficult child. He had a very entitled attitude and had been spoiled rotten as an only child for six years. But I could see that if we continued to keep handing him the free stuff he would never go out on his own so the money stopped at sixteen and when he wanted to drive it was OUR care, not his own personal car. Nobody living at home needs a personal car, the high insurance that goes with young adults on insurance, and the probable accident. They paid their extra part of the insurance too. Even difficult child. He had to share our second car with his brother Scott. When they dented it up, it did not get fixed. The managed to get to work, both of them, sharing one car. If they use the car as an excuse not to work, they just don't want to work. None of my kids had their own cars and they all worked except Jumper because of her sports which took up too much time. Even my autistic son worked as a senior in high school. If he can work, with his challenges, every other young adult here can work at something. We owe it to our grown kids to allow them to grow up. Often we are too afraid of them to let them grow up because they may behave in scary ways. or we are afraid they can't make it as a grown up, and if my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son can, your adult child can. We were told that Sonic would never do anything other than vegetate and live in a group home. We did not accept that. Sonic lives alone, pays his own expenses and works part time five days a week. If he can do it, so you can your kid. Sonic does not ask us for money either. Just food for thought. Doesn't mean you have to do it Scott's way or my way. These are just some things that worked for some of us. Let's face it. None of us can live forever and the more stressed we are, the shorter we are likely to live. What will our grown kids do if they are dependent on us when we are gone? Even if we leave the money, will they have a clue how to manage it? Just things to think about...not answer here on the board. [/QUOTE]
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