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Parent Emeritus
How to even talk on the phone with my son....
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 656649" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>I think you're right, it is a war. It's a control issue. What I've found is, I have to let go of that control in conversations that take a turn I don't like. Here's what I might have said after he said, "You asked me what I thought and I am responding to your question."</p><p></p><p>Me: "you're right, I did. Guess we'd better not go there." <insert change in subject> If he persists, I'd end the conversation with a simple, "well I guess this isn't a good time to talk, love you, talk to you later!"</p><p></p><p>If you don't want to talk about it, don't talk about it. Don't acknowledge what he said, or that that it's irrational, just change the subject. Disengage. That's how I tend it handle it, anyway - anything else will just drive you nuts because you'll never get the response you want. </p><p></p><p>You don't have to accept that his views are true, you just have to accept that he has them, and you can't change them. My oldest is mentally ill -- she's borderline and lies, often. I can tell when she's lying. Could I call her out on her lies? Sure - but it would only lead to conflict. She won't admit she's lying, even with proof (B T D T). Its part of her disorder. I can accept that, and move on, without accepting that the lie is true. Once I let go of that control - that needing to point out every thing she's wrong/crazy about -- I had a lot more peace.</p><p></p><p>It takes a lot of practice, and support. I have the support of a wonderful therapist through all this, but many have found support in groups like NAMI family support groups.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 656649, member: 1157"] I think you're right, it is a war. It's a control issue. What I've found is, I have to let go of that control in conversations that take a turn I don't like. Here's what I might have said after he said, "You asked me what I thought and I am responding to your question." Me: "you're right, I did. Guess we'd better not go there." <insert change in subject> If he persists, I'd end the conversation with a simple, "well I guess this isn't a good time to talk, love you, talk to you later!" If you don't want to talk about it, don't talk about it. Don't acknowledge what he said, or that that it's irrational, just change the subject. Disengage. That's how I tend it handle it, anyway - anything else will just drive you nuts because you'll never get the response you want. You don't have to accept that his views are true, you just have to accept that he has them, and you can't change them. My oldest is mentally ill -- she's borderline and lies, often. I can tell when she's lying. Could I call her out on her lies? Sure - but it would only lead to conflict. She won't admit she's lying, even with proof (B T D T). Its part of her disorder. I can accept that, and move on, without accepting that the lie is true. Once I let go of that control - that needing to point out every thing she's wrong/crazy about -- I had a lot more peace. It takes a lot of practice, and support. I have the support of a wonderful therapist through all this, but many have found support in groups like NAMI family support groups. [/QUOTE]
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How to even talk on the phone with my son....
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