How to get my 17 year old out of my home quickly in california

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Desperateforsafety, Apr 8, 2019.

  1. Desperateforsafety

    Desperateforsafety New Member

    My son is 17 he spent 6 months at a behavior hospital, 21 days getting medication situation in hospital, and 3 7 day acute stays and he Is still abusive, refuses medication, he threatens our lives and puts us in jeopardy of being homeless daily.

    He doesn’t follow rules, or laws, refuses to go to school and the doctor. He totally controls my home with his behaviors. I have lost jobs, housing, family, and my sanity. My health is failing due to him and I have moved to another state to get better services and still can’t get him committed. He’s facing a felony threat charge and misdeamenor weapon charge and I haven’t had even butter knives in my home since he was 12.

    I have had him in mental health since he was 5 and with counselors since he was 5. I have no hope. I want him out if my home but there are no hospitals that will take him. I even asked cops to remove him and they said they couldn’t place him. I have called the cops since he was 5 and they simply tell me that he’s a Minor and they can’t do anything. He has physically attacked me, my mom, my moms boyfriend, my daughter, my youngest, our service animals, other kids, his teachers, the cops, the doctors, and so many others. I do not know what to do.

    I need him to move on from us but feel like he will just torture someone else when he does. He controls what we do, if we watch tv, he steals all the food and then he lies about everything. We moved here to get better help and have been stuck in motels since January and he has gotten us kicked out of three motels and then he rages and says he did nothing. He doesn’t take responsibility for his actions, he stays up all night and keeps all of us awake, he steals, does drugs and drinks. He is a danger to all of us but the cops do nothing. Mental health does nothing.

    I need him out I can’t last another year with this. It’s not fair to my young child or his sister.
     
  2. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, dfs,

    I don’t have any experience with this type of situation, but I’m hoping someone else will see this if it gets bumped up.

    Are you currently living in the same jurisdiction that is charging your son? Does he have a lawyer or probation officer, even from past altercations, that you could talk to?

    Have you called the courts and asked to talk with someone about a CHINS (child in need of services) or whatever it may be called in your area?

    Try calling 211 on your phone to see what services may be available in your area.

    I would continue to call the authorities whenever he is threatening or violent. I would think that the police would take seriously any threat to one of your younger children.

    Let us know what is happening with you.

    Apple
     
  3. 4Tall

    4Tall Member

    Have you tried calling the police non-emergency # and tell them that you have an incorrigible child? I was recently told this by the police dept (large Bay Area city) when my son refuses to come home on time. It has to do with the child not following any parental rules and not coming home. They will basically put him into a group home type of situation. Which sounds better than what is happening now.
     
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I would listen to 4tall I (above.) Nobody could deal with the situation you find yourself in. If your son is violent and a danger to you and to your family the system is failing you and failing your son. I would go to an attorney and explore voluntarily surrendering parental rights. This would force the hand of the system to give your son a situation that will protect him and protect others from him.

    You write your son steals food. Is that the correct word? Is he hungry? Why would he not be able to eat? That part concerns me, that he would not be welcome to eat amongst his family.

    I would think about going to CPS too. Except I'd speak to an attorney first. The logic in going to CPS is to get their help, if you believe that your kids are not safe from your son. If this is the case, he needs to be placed. But I would go to an attorney first, because I would be concerned that they'd yank your other kids.

    Right now, you are liable, and CPS can remove your other children from your care, because they are not safe with your son. It sounds like your son is a marauder in his own family. Despite what these officials are telling you, that there's nothing they can do, I think you would be held responsible. Many, many parents in your situation surrender parental rights. They do so to protect their out of control or ill child, and they do so to protect their other kids and to protect themselves. Or there may be possibility of foster placement.

    if everything had been tried, it can't keep going like this. I am so very, very sorry.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2019
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would call the cops and INSIST on pressing charges if he harms you in ANY way. If you keep doing this, and don't drop charges, eventually they have to do something. If he hurts the other kids and you do nothing, CPS can and probably WILL take your other children. They won't take him because he is almost 18 and they don't want to deal with him. You can call CPS and try to turn him over to them, but it likely won't work. OFten they threaten to take your other kids instead because they don't want to deal with a kid his age.

    When does he go to court for the felony? Go to court and ask to speak to the judge or to testify. Speak up about how violent he is and how scared you are. Let them know that you do NOT want him to given probation and you cannot allow him to live with you because he is dangerous to your other children. Write a one page letter to the judge and prosecutor if you can - use bullet points to make it fast and easy to read. Maybe you will get lucky and he will get some jail time or he will be so angry he will refuse to stay with you.

    Sadly, one of your best bets is to make him so miserable that he refuses to stay with you. It stinks and may be wrong, but if you keep hassling him, he may just leave. I hate that this is the way things sometimes end up, but often there isn't any help and all you can do is save the younger ones from him.

    How soon until he is 18? At 18 I would refuse to allow him into wherever you are living. Just refuse and leave his stuff outside for him to pick up. It seems cold and will hurt to have to do, but as I said, sometimes there are no other options. You have gotten him help for years, and he doesn't seem to want it. I am so sorry about this.
     
  6. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I think you have been given good advice from those above. I would definitely get a lawyer. If you are living in hotels is it possible you are being denied services because you are a non resident? I don't know how this works but what if you took your younger kids and went to a shelter until he is 18? I will say a prayer.
     
  7. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    There must be a way you could turn him over to state custody. That means severing parental rights. Have you talked to a social worker or attorney? I think I would start with an attorney. How many more months until he is eighteen?
     
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If he is hurting all of you this way, go to a Domestic Violence (DV) Center and ask for help. Kids abusing parents IS DV! Kids abusing other kids in their family IS DV! Try insisting the cops ARREST your son for his violence the next time he hits you. They probably won't keep him for long, but if you INSIST that he is a danger (especially if there are marks on you and you didn't hit or try to hurt him), they are probably required to arrest him. I went through this years ago with my son. He went to a youth shelter for a few days. If this gets in front of a judge, tell the judge that he needs services, but you are not able to tolerate being beaten because he is high or mad any longer. If nothing else, it gets him closer to our largest mental health system - the jail/prison complex. But he CAN get help there if he wants it. At 17 (or really any age) you can't help him get better unless HE wants it. You wanting it more than he does will accomplish nothing.

    Keep a record of the name, badge number, date and reason why each officer tells you that he cannot help you. Then go to the police chief's office and ask him why the officers keep telling you this. You might have to be prepared to spend all day waiting to see the police chief. Take a book, music and headphones, snacks, etc.... and just prepare to wait all day. If you take the kids, they might see you faster, lol. Also, let the secretary/assistant/gatekeeper know WHY you are there. Often they are very powerful and can get the head honcho to see you. If you are in a huge city, go to the local precinct first, then to the office of whomever is their boss. It will be tedious, but it might bring a solution faster. No matter what, keep that record of names, badge numbers, date and reason why with you. Don't give the only copy to the police.