This is mostly about my daughter and my parents, my dad esp. My mom may not even be aware there is an issue.
Last month my parents helped us with something and we paid them back on the 1st of the month. My mother put the money somewhere and cannot find it. This is not exactly unusual with her (losing something important).
The problem is that J was with husband when he paid them back. It was a short visit to my folks' house. J was in sight of either husband or my mom the entire time. At no time was she in the room where my mother took the money.
As soon as my mom couldn't find the money, my dad decided that J took it. J does not steal from stores or people, though as a young teen she did make a mistake, get caught, and learned that lesson. She worked very hard to earn trust back and it has been over five years since her mistake. J insisted that I search her wallet, her purse, her crochet bag, her drawers, every jacket and hidey hole she keeps stuff in. She was SOOO upset by the accusation. Of course this was 6 days before her birthday and my parents didn't even call her for her birthday. She asked me not to call them to celebrate it with them. She didn't want to be in their house or to have them bring a purse or wallet anywhere near her so that she could not be accused of anything. She cried herself to sleep for a week straight.
It then got worse. Wiz lost a very large sum of cash he had been saving. At no time was J even in the same home as the cash. The cash has been found, but not before my father made it known that he believed J took it. Even though she couldn't have. Wiz NEVER believed she took it, and made this VERY clear to my dad.
I don't know if my mom is aware that the accusations were made. My dad can be good at keeping things from her. When the first sum went missing, my mother did call and ASK if J or husband saw where she put it or saw it fall out onto the floor or anything. But that is very different from what my father said.
My dad has a real problem. He thinks all teens are thieves. He also assumes the worst of women. I can remember being accused of smoking pot for almost 20 years. All because when I was 19 my parents went out of town for a weekend when a big celebration was held in our town. My house was the closest of my friends' to the street party, so my parents agreed that we could walk there and back and if anyone was too drunk they could spend the night. A friend of a friend left a pack of rolling papers on my parents' dining room table and my parents got home the next morning before I woke up and could make sure things were cleaned up. There was no wild party at my parents, no pot smoking inside or out. No smoking of any kind inside or out. But because of that, I was a horrible young woman who got high at every opportunity. And those are verbatim from my father's mouth over and over but NEVER with my mom in hearing range. Because she would have stood up for me.
My bro, and my sons have NEVER had these accusations. Bro was a thief, and he was caught smoking pot or with pot (sending ti through the laundry when your parents' switch loads is never real bright, Know what I mean??) on more than a few occasions. Wiz has had his share of sins too, which include theft of money. But this has NEVER been brought up over and over. If I were to even mention it, I would be slammed and called some pretty awful names. But my father thinks differently of J and I. Or he has different standards for us. So anytime we do something, it is a mistake forever and we cannot change it in his mind.
I am planning to call my mom tomorrow. I have tried but haven't gotten through to her this last week because my dad keeps hiding her phone. I need to ask her if she believes my daughter stole the money, and why. I also need to let her know that while J misses her greatly, J also does not want to have any chance to be accused of anything. J is so hurt by all of this, and I don't think my parents fully realize this. I also don't think my mother realizes how many times my father has repeated the accusation, or that he could truly lose his granddau if he keeps this up. J may be unwilling to spend time with him again even on holidays. I won't force her, and won't use guilt to make her see my father.
My daughter said the saddest thing last night. She truly doesn't ever expect my parents to take her side in anything, ever. She said they didn't when she told them that Wiz was hurting her and thank you, not even when she showed them bruises. She also said they chose my bro and his daughter over her when bro was hurting her and I had to step in. It just broke my heart to hear those words out of my daughter's mouth. My grands all gave me absolute unconditional love. I so wanted that for my daughter and sons.
How would you approach the situation with my parents? What would you say?
Last month my parents helped us with something and we paid them back on the 1st of the month. My mother put the money somewhere and cannot find it. This is not exactly unusual with her (losing something important).
The problem is that J was with husband when he paid them back. It was a short visit to my folks' house. J was in sight of either husband or my mom the entire time. At no time was she in the room where my mother took the money.
As soon as my mom couldn't find the money, my dad decided that J took it. J does not steal from stores or people, though as a young teen she did make a mistake, get caught, and learned that lesson. She worked very hard to earn trust back and it has been over five years since her mistake. J insisted that I search her wallet, her purse, her crochet bag, her drawers, every jacket and hidey hole she keeps stuff in. She was SOOO upset by the accusation. Of course this was 6 days before her birthday and my parents didn't even call her for her birthday. She asked me not to call them to celebrate it with them. She didn't want to be in their house or to have them bring a purse or wallet anywhere near her so that she could not be accused of anything. She cried herself to sleep for a week straight.
It then got worse. Wiz lost a very large sum of cash he had been saving. At no time was J even in the same home as the cash. The cash has been found, but not before my father made it known that he believed J took it. Even though she couldn't have. Wiz NEVER believed she took it, and made this VERY clear to my dad.
I don't know if my mom is aware that the accusations were made. My dad can be good at keeping things from her. When the first sum went missing, my mother did call and ASK if J or husband saw where she put it or saw it fall out onto the floor or anything. But that is very different from what my father said.
My dad has a real problem. He thinks all teens are thieves. He also assumes the worst of women. I can remember being accused of smoking pot for almost 20 years. All because when I was 19 my parents went out of town for a weekend when a big celebration was held in our town. My house was the closest of my friends' to the street party, so my parents agreed that we could walk there and back and if anyone was too drunk they could spend the night. A friend of a friend left a pack of rolling papers on my parents' dining room table and my parents got home the next morning before I woke up and could make sure things were cleaned up. There was no wild party at my parents, no pot smoking inside or out. No smoking of any kind inside or out. But because of that, I was a horrible young woman who got high at every opportunity. And those are verbatim from my father's mouth over and over but NEVER with my mom in hearing range. Because she would have stood up for me.
My bro, and my sons have NEVER had these accusations. Bro was a thief, and he was caught smoking pot or with pot (sending ti through the laundry when your parents' switch loads is never real bright, Know what I mean??) on more than a few occasions. Wiz has had his share of sins too, which include theft of money. But this has NEVER been brought up over and over. If I were to even mention it, I would be slammed and called some pretty awful names. But my father thinks differently of J and I. Or he has different standards for us. So anytime we do something, it is a mistake forever and we cannot change it in his mind.
I am planning to call my mom tomorrow. I have tried but haven't gotten through to her this last week because my dad keeps hiding her phone. I need to ask her if she believes my daughter stole the money, and why. I also need to let her know that while J misses her greatly, J also does not want to have any chance to be accused of anything. J is so hurt by all of this, and I don't think my parents fully realize this. I also don't think my mother realizes how many times my father has repeated the accusation, or that he could truly lose his granddau if he keeps this up. J may be unwilling to spend time with him again even on holidays. I won't force her, and won't use guilt to make her see my father.
My daughter said the saddest thing last night. She truly doesn't ever expect my parents to take her side in anything, ever. She said they didn't when she told them that Wiz was hurting her and thank you, not even when she showed them bruises. She also said they chose my bro and his daughter over her when bro was hurting her and I had to step in. It just broke my heart to hear those words out of my daughter's mouth. My grands all gave me absolute unconditional love. I so wanted that for my daughter and sons.
How would you approach the situation with my parents? What would you say?
