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How to help suicidal son who's 2 states away
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<blockquote data-quote="WaveringFaith" data-source="post: 635172" data-attributes="member: 17636"><p>MWM- Such good points you make. Regarding my son's mental state, I can only speak on how he was when he was living with me, which was up until 2 months ago. He was much in touch with reality, never acted schizophrenic. He's very intelligent and all my friends that had ever met him thought he was the most charming adorable young man and were shocked when I would share some of the issues he had. Only myself and my parents have ever seen that side. Yet he feels like he's a "freak" and can't be around people. This condition of paranoia or social anxiety plus depression really was debilitating as he would try and find jobs but could never make it to day 2 because he felt so out of place. He tried joining the army and was so excited like I had never seen him before, he was working out daily to prepare for the fitness tests, and was checking books out at the library and scored extremely high on the practice military exams he took, took taxis to the recruiter's offices to be filling out paperwork and follow up on things. This was so hopeful for all of us, because we felt his boredom was fueling his depression as he had no purpose, no reason to wake up in the morning to do. My whole family was so happy for him that he was acting "normal" and happy for a couple of weeks of this, but then the bad news came that he was not accepted due to his juvenile and recent crime record (public intoxication and resisting arrest were among them, no drugs or violent crimes, mainly traffic and that one alcohol related one). The rejection was such a blow to him that he completely went back to the deep depression, he had put all of his hopes and dreams into this idea of joining the military and now they wouldn't take him. In a way, it was probably a blessing as he clearly has issues and might not have even made it out there. But nonetheless, that's when he lost all motivation and wouldn't try and look for a job and I had to ask him to leave as he was starting to act disrespectful to me.</p><p></p><p>So I honestly do not know how state of mind right now, I can only go by the text messages he sends. He knows how it pains me so badly when he starts talking about "no reason for living", etc.. But he says it so non-chalantly.</p><p></p><p>You are correct, I should keep any disturbing news about difficult child to myself and not share with my mom. She just hounds and hounds me for any info, since he's ignoring her too. I feel he would possibly qualify for disability but don't applicants have to actually have a previous employment record to qualify? He has never worked! Out of high school, he went off to college out of state, dropped out after 1st year when his depression hit. And it's been zombie land every since then, has never held a job. So could he still get disability? His last therapist brought the idea up since difficult child explained he just could not be around people, and my parents and I could no longer afford to support him. the therapist said he would write a recommendation saying he is mentally ill and that might help him qualify. But I just hated to go down that road, because for awhile I thought difficult child was just being lazy and would rather be homeless than work for others.</p><p></p><p>Today has been a little better. My red and puffy eyes have finally cleared up so I think I can go back to work tomorrow. My mom told me that she texted difficult child earlier today and told him he needed to come back home. I wish she hadn't done that. difficult child clearly does not want to move back here. My parents and I were both enabling him, it wasn't helping him at all. For today, I really would rather not talk about him anymore. So I decided to rent a redbox movie and take my mind off of him. I need to go back to my detaching, my "pretending" that he's okay wherever he is. I need to use that visual of turning off the light switch of emotions when I start dwelling on him. I sent him a text earlier also, we'll see if he responds. But I'm just too tired to think about him anymore today. It's really exhausting, all the crying and worrying and praying, it really wears my body and mind out. I feel like I've run a marathon. So time to rest.</p><p></p><p>Much hugs to you for your kind words of advice <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WaveringFaith, post: 635172, member: 17636"] MWM- Such good points you make. Regarding my son's mental state, I can only speak on how he was when he was living with me, which was up until 2 months ago. He was much in touch with reality, never acted schizophrenic. He's very intelligent and all my friends that had ever met him thought he was the most charming adorable young man and were shocked when I would share some of the issues he had. Only myself and my parents have ever seen that side. Yet he feels like he's a "freak" and can't be around people. This condition of paranoia or social anxiety plus depression really was debilitating as he would try and find jobs but could never make it to day 2 because he felt so out of place. He tried joining the army and was so excited like I had never seen him before, he was working out daily to prepare for the fitness tests, and was checking books out at the library and scored extremely high on the practice military exams he took, took taxis to the recruiter's offices to be filling out paperwork and follow up on things. This was so hopeful for all of us, because we felt his boredom was fueling his depression as he had no purpose, no reason to wake up in the morning to do. My whole family was so happy for him that he was acting "normal" and happy for a couple of weeks of this, but then the bad news came that he was not accepted due to his juvenile and recent crime record (public intoxication and resisting arrest were among them, no drugs or violent crimes, mainly traffic and that one alcohol related one). The rejection was such a blow to him that he completely went back to the deep depression, he had put all of his hopes and dreams into this idea of joining the military and now they wouldn't take him. In a way, it was probably a blessing as he clearly has issues and might not have even made it out there. But nonetheless, that's when he lost all motivation and wouldn't try and look for a job and I had to ask him to leave as he was starting to act disrespectful to me. So I honestly do not know how state of mind right now, I can only go by the text messages he sends. He knows how it pains me so badly when he starts talking about "no reason for living", etc.. But he says it so non-chalantly. You are correct, I should keep any disturbing news about difficult child to myself and not share with my mom. She just hounds and hounds me for any info, since he's ignoring her too. I feel he would possibly qualify for disability but don't applicants have to actually have a previous employment record to qualify? He has never worked! Out of high school, he went off to college out of state, dropped out after 1st year when his depression hit. And it's been zombie land every since then, has never held a job. So could he still get disability? His last therapist brought the idea up since difficult child explained he just could not be around people, and my parents and I could no longer afford to support him. the therapist said he would write a recommendation saying he is mentally ill and that might help him qualify. But I just hated to go down that road, because for awhile I thought difficult child was just being lazy and would rather be homeless than work for others. Today has been a little better. My red and puffy eyes have finally cleared up so I think I can go back to work tomorrow. My mom told me that she texted difficult child earlier today and told him he needed to come back home. I wish she hadn't done that. difficult child clearly does not want to move back here. My parents and I were both enabling him, it wasn't helping him at all. For today, I really would rather not talk about him anymore. So I decided to rent a redbox movie and take my mind off of him. I need to go back to my detaching, my "pretending" that he's okay wherever he is. I need to use that visual of turning off the light switch of emotions when I start dwelling on him. I sent him a text earlier also, we'll see if he responds. But I'm just too tired to think about him anymore today. It's really exhausting, all the crying and worrying and praying, it really wears my body and mind out. I feel like I've run a marathon. So time to rest. Much hugs to you for your kind words of advice :) [/QUOTE]
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