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How to just stay out of it...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 676771" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I give suggestions, when asked, but never tell my grown kids what to do. Nor do I offer money, etc. if they are having a hard time. They are adults. I once offered my hone to Princess, but it turned out she worked it out. I prefer offering the comfort we would offer a little child to be a last resort. My kids have basically learned to stand on their own two feet and maybe (not sure) it is because they were groomed to take care of themselves. Even my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son is doing well on his own. Even easy grown adults need to stay adults, at least this is how I feel.Also adult children who launch RARELY want to come home. It is usually very much a defeat to them.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry about your son's relationship, as are you. But you can't fix it, change her, or fix your son's angst. He needs to learn how to handle angst anyway. Of course, this is just my opinion. I do more listening than talking these days. I think I learned. Not that I ever meddled in my grown kids lives....after growing up with a sick, intrusive, critical mom, I didn't want to be that kind of mother. Didn't think rescuing was good for my adult kids either. For the most part, they fix things on their own, even my nineteen year old Jumper.</p><p></p><p></p><p>That doesn't mean I don't hold her when she cries, but she is able to deal with even a teen's worst horror...heartbreak...and move on without her world falling apart.</p><p></p><p>She had a terrible heartbreak last year and continued school, work, her friends, visits to us and mourned her way but still did the things that she needed to do in her life. Now she met a much more mature and stable young man. I always like to tell my adult kids that things happen for a reason and that, although the reason may not be clear now, it will be. It is something I believe and something they seem to find solace in. My daughter has said, "This must be why it didn't work out with me and ex-boyfriend." She is doing so incredibly well now, and overcame her grief. There w as nothing I could do during her grief, but hug her and she knew her dad and I loved her and were here for her.</p><p></p><p>Lil, you are you and I am me. We have to do what we feel is best. These are just my thoughts. Take what you like, if anything, and leave the rest.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 676771, member: 1550"] I give suggestions, when asked, but never tell my grown kids what to do. Nor do I offer money, etc. if they are having a hard time. They are adults. I once offered my hone to Princess, but it turned out she worked it out. I prefer offering the comfort we would offer a little child to be a last resort. My kids have basically learned to stand on their own two feet and maybe (not sure) it is because they were groomed to take care of themselves. Even my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son is doing well on his own. Even easy grown adults need to stay adults, at least this is how I feel.Also adult children who launch RARELY want to come home. It is usually very much a defeat to them. I am sorry about your son's relationship, as are you. But you can't fix it, change her, or fix your son's angst. He needs to learn how to handle angst anyway. Of course, this is just my opinion. I do more listening than talking these days. I think I learned. Not that I ever meddled in my grown kids lives....after growing up with a sick, intrusive, critical mom, I didn't want to be that kind of mother. Didn't think rescuing was good for my adult kids either. For the most part, they fix things on their own, even my nineteen year old Jumper. That doesn't mean I don't hold her when she cries, but she is able to deal with even a teen's worst horror...heartbreak...and move on without her world falling apart. She had a terrible heartbreak last year and continued school, work, her friends, visits to us and mourned her way but still did the things that she needed to do in her life. Now she met a much more mature and stable young man. I always like to tell my adult kids that things happen for a reason and that, although the reason may not be clear now, it will be. It is something I believe and something they seem to find solace in. My daughter has said, "This must be why it didn't work out with me and ex-boyfriend." She is doing so incredibly well now, and overcame her grief. There w as nothing I could do during her grief, but hug her and she knew her dad and I loved her and were here for her. Lil, you are you and I am me. We have to do what we feel is best. These are just my thoughts. Take what you like, if anything, and leave the rest. [/QUOTE]
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