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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 657386" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>JulieAnn, what I have found is the strength has been in me all along, but I was not acting or thinking from it.</p><p></p><p>What has changed is this: I can choose to calm myself...and find a true voice inside myself or stay in an anxious, guilty or depressed mode. I know this now.</p><p></p><p>This is a process. I may sustain it for a few hours or all day, and lose it. But I can get it back. Each time I decide to act from strength, it is easier to do so again.</p><p></p><p>As I am living day to day, with the expectation that I can act from strength, I have greater confidence that there will be more and more days, that I feel stronger. I begin to have confidence in the future. I begin to plan for the future. A bright future.</p><p></p><p>I catch myself when my thinking starts to get negative, reminding myself that I have the option to choose other, more positive thoughts.</p><p></p><p>I know that this must sound abstract and airy fairy. It is not.</p><p></p><p>You know how you feel when you hear truly wonderful music that you love? It feels like it fills your whole body and soul. It becomes you and you become it. You may have been sad...seconds before...but you are transformed in an instant.</p><p></p><p>We can begin to identify what cues help us access our strength and which diminish it.</p><p></p><p>I am becoming brutal about who I allow myself to be with and who I cut out of my life, just like that. As I type this I realize that this is very recent. In the past I was a person who maintained friendships for decades, even though the people treated me badly or did not respect me.</p><p></p><p>I am not allowing people to rain on my parade. I stop it NOW. (Or as soon as I catch on.)</p><p></p><p>I have bad days. Yes. But I am having better days too. And I have hope. For me. </p><p></p><p>(I am finding when I start thinking, obsessing, really, about whether or not there is hope for my son...I feel weak and desperate. Really, if I am honest with myself, my only true and strong feeling for my son is LOVE. Hope is neither here nor there. He gets to decide.)</p><p></p><p>I know all this is not easy. I have been depressed. My Mother died. Worries about my son, what I should do, can do, what will happen to him, etc. were consuming me.</p><p></p><p>I can say that now I know how to get to the other side. And I know it is in my power to get there.</p><p></p><p>The strength JulieAnn is already inside of you. You may not feel it or see it, but it is there. We have lost the habit of trusting that part of us and acting from it. And this we can recover.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 657386, member: 18958"] JulieAnn, what I have found is the strength has been in me all along, but I was not acting or thinking from it. What has changed is this: I can choose to calm myself...and find a true voice inside myself or stay in an anxious, guilty or depressed mode. I know this now. This is a process. I may sustain it for a few hours or all day, and lose it. But I can get it back. Each time I decide to act from strength, it is easier to do so again. As I am living day to day, with the expectation that I can act from strength, I have greater confidence that there will be more and more days, that I feel stronger. I begin to have confidence in the future. I begin to plan for the future. A bright future. I catch myself when my thinking starts to get negative, reminding myself that I have the option to choose other, more positive thoughts. I know that this must sound abstract and airy fairy. It is not. You know how you feel when you hear truly wonderful music that you love? It feels like it fills your whole body and soul. It becomes you and you become it. You may have been sad...seconds before...but you are transformed in an instant. We can begin to identify what cues help us access our strength and which diminish it. I am becoming brutal about who I allow myself to be with and who I cut out of my life, just like that. As I type this I realize that this is very recent. In the past I was a person who maintained friendships for decades, even though the people treated me badly or did not respect me. I am not allowing people to rain on my parade. I stop it NOW. (Or as soon as I catch on.) I have bad days. Yes. But I am having better days too. And I have hope. For me. (I am finding when I start thinking, obsessing, really, about whether or not there is hope for my son...I feel weak and desperate. Really, if I am honest with myself, my only true and strong feeling for my son is LOVE. Hope is neither here nor there. He gets to decide.) I know all this is not easy. I have been depressed. My Mother died. Worries about my son, what I should do, can do, what will happen to him, etc. were consuming me. I can say that now I know how to get to the other side. And I know it is in my power to get there. The strength JulieAnn is already inside of you. You may not feel it or see it, but it is there. We have lost the habit of trusting that part of us and acting from it. And this we can recover. [/QUOTE]
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