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How to survive at home with violent teen
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<blockquote data-quote="Snow White" data-source="post: 699511" data-attributes="member: 355"><p>This a tough decision, Penguin. And I agree with others that this is one you will have to figure out what will be best for your family. For us, our daughter's behaviors (running away, attacking us/teachers/aides, property damage, etc.) led to her changing schools several times, then admission to a day-treatment school and following that, to a locked day-treatment school. She always found a way to get kicked out of these places that were doing so much to help her. The running away (she would even jump out of a 2nd storey window) and reckless behavior continued to a point that we could not live with (one other child at home) and I thought I had hit rock-bottom when I signed a voluntary placement order (temporary) with Child & Family Services. We just couldn't keep her, us or our house safe. We were drained staying up all day and night. There were no other options. </p><p></p><p>She stayed in a group home setting for 19 months. We had total access to her. She had 24 hour care and all of her services like therapy, group classes, etc. She did a lot of work in that time - we and the treatment team felt that it was time for her to come home. She did and slowly went back to her old ways, escalating her behavior with each rage. The last time she physically attacked me, she ripped out a fistful of my hair. She threatened to kill me and said she had others who were ready to kill us for her. It was time to end the drama. I told my husband that if we looked into someone's house and saw the same stuff happening, we would definitely think the household was dysfunctional; yet we refused to acknowledge and act on what was wrong in our house. We had a son that didn't need to be a part of this any longer. She was 18 at the time and has not been allowed to live at home since.</p><p></p><p>Of course, now she blames me for all of her problems because I "put her in the group home" and I have bought into the guilt trip many times. She is 25 and we are finally in the early stages of detachment. </p><p></p><p>Yes, your son is important but nothing seems to be working. You have a responsibility to care for yourself and your family, too. Please don't forgot those important people. I know our son lost out on a lot of things - he couldn't have friends over because of daughter's unpredictability. Lots of events got 'put on hold' because there was a crisis that needed to be tended to. Actually, LIFE seemed to be put on hold. We are slowly getting ours back but its a little late.</p><p></p><p>Also, perhaps your daughter would benefit from some resources. We sent our son for some sessions with a psychologist, so that he could vent, ask questions and generally talk about his feelings on his own without fear of upsetting us. He says it helped.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Snow White, post: 699511, member: 355"] This a tough decision, Penguin. And I agree with others that this is one you will have to figure out what will be best for your family. For us, our daughter's behaviors (running away, attacking us/teachers/aides, property damage, etc.) led to her changing schools several times, then admission to a day-treatment school and following that, to a locked day-treatment school. She always found a way to get kicked out of these places that were doing so much to help her. The running away (she would even jump out of a 2nd storey window) and reckless behavior continued to a point that we could not live with (one other child at home) and I thought I had hit rock-bottom when I signed a voluntary placement order (temporary) with Child & Family Services. We just couldn't keep her, us or our house safe. We were drained staying up all day and night. There were no other options. She stayed in a group home setting for 19 months. We had total access to her. She had 24 hour care and all of her services like therapy, group classes, etc. She did a lot of work in that time - we and the treatment team felt that it was time for her to come home. She did and slowly went back to her old ways, escalating her behavior with each rage. The last time she physically attacked me, she ripped out a fistful of my hair. She threatened to kill me and said she had others who were ready to kill us for her. It was time to end the drama. I told my husband that if we looked into someone's house and saw the same stuff happening, we would definitely think the household was dysfunctional; yet we refused to acknowledge and act on what was wrong in our house. We had a son that didn't need to be a part of this any longer. She was 18 at the time and has not been allowed to live at home since. Of course, now she blames me for all of her problems because I "put her in the group home" and I have bought into the guilt trip many times. She is 25 and we are finally in the early stages of detachment. Yes, your son is important but nothing seems to be working. You have a responsibility to care for yourself and your family, too. Please don't forgot those important people. I know our son lost out on a lot of things - he couldn't have friends over because of daughter's unpredictability. Lots of events got 'put on hold' because there was a crisis that needed to be tended to. Actually, LIFE seemed to be put on hold. We are slowly getting ours back but its a little late. Also, perhaps your daughter would benefit from some resources. We sent our son for some sessions with a psychologist, so that he could vent, ask questions and generally talk about his feelings on his own without fear of upsetting us. He says it helped. [/QUOTE]
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