beam-me-up
New Member
Hi all,
I can't begin to describe how grateful I am to find this place. I have spent the last few hours scouring the internet for clues about whether my 14 yo daughter's incandescent rages are caused by hormones or some sort of mental disorder.
To be honest, I thought what was happening in our home was so bad that it was going to be hard to find anyone to understand. But here I have found you and not only do I feel that I can tell my story and you will understand it but that also many have been through the same and much worse.
My daughter is 14. She is very beautiful and that's not just a mother talking. I mention it because I think her good looks are already getting her a free pass for bad behaviour in some cases and in future are only going to bring her trouble unless she learns that beauty comes from within.
I have had problems with her for several years now. Defiance, temper tantrums, lying, stealing. My ex (her father) moved to another country for training and never moved back. We officially separated about a year ago. About three years ago when I went to visit him for a short holiday, I was explaining to him the problems I was having with P, he didn't believe the things I was telling him. In fact, he hinted I was probably jealous of her and didn't love her enough.
My mother had also not believed me until she had to stay with the kids for that 10 days. Every time I told her about the extent of P's lying, being defiant, aggression, destruction or stealing she said I was being paranoid and all kids acted out. I knew back then that the behaviour was not quite normal and when I came home that time, my mum had finally experienced a little bit of it for herself and finally understood that I was not being paranoid or exaggerating.
When P was about 5, there was a swing park in front of our house. She went over there one day with a friend from school and her mother. The woman came to me later and told me that she had overheard P telling a couple of strangers at the park, (both young mothers with little kids) that I never fed her or bought her clothes and that I hit her every night. None of that was true and thankfully the woman who came to me had been around our family enough to know that it was all lies because she talked the strangers out of going to child services. I was so hurt. But I also was just so astonished that a child so small could come up with such a horrific story. To this day, I still don't know where that came from or why she did that.
Anyway, fast forward till today. In the past week, P has smashed a large glass candle holder on the floor, booted the bannisters of the rented house we live in trying to break them, put her fist through the glass pane of the kitchen door, thrown food out of the freezer all over the floor, food out of the cupboards all over the floor. She even punched the mirror n the bathroom so hard I thought it would break but it held, thank goodness.
These rages are over insignificant things. Last night's drama was over biscuits, a day or so because she could not find her cheap sunglasses and the mirror incident because she had smudged her mascara.
She looms over her brother. He's 12 and she admits to me that she wants to frighten and menace him. She says she hates him. She has told me she hates me too and wishes I was dead. Calls me a
and spits - not actually on me yet- but in my general direction. She has also said that she is useless and wishes she was dead and that she can see nothing in her future to look forward to because she can't do anything
She has not actually struck me though I did get a nasty bruise on my calf when she lashed out at me a year or so ago with a hose. She did not mean to hurt me that time.
She is dodging school. Her grades are slipping but it is through lack of trying. She's actually very clever but she refuses to apply herself to anything that requires any work at all.
Her room is disgusting. In our old house she had a bathroom to herself. During her period she would leave used towels and tampons all around. You can't see the floor of her bedroom most of the time. I guess some of that is normal teen but used tampons? Is that normal?
I feel everything ramping up and am afraid it will end up with her hurting herself, my son or me. Or maybe one of the animals. She generally ignores them rather than being systematically cruel to them. Although she did punch my dog in the face once when she was angry with me. I think what she had really wanted to do was punch me in the face. She does not wet the bed and has no interest in fires.
She is very manipulative and as I said above she lies to beat the band and has stolen considerable amounts - twice €50 at a time. She could not even imagine that I would not have noticed.
She has repeatedly said that I favour my son and I know she is extremely jealous of him. She always has been. He is easier natured that is for sure - at least so far - but I love her more than life itself. I love them both. She was such a miracle to me as I had been told I could never have kids. I walked on eggshells for 9 months so I did not lose that baby. Now she tells me I obviously did not even want her and she wishes she had never been born.
So sorry for my long rant. My head is spinning and I feel I have not even scratched the surface. I feel so lost and am an expat in a foreign country. The doctors here are notorious for being arrogant unless you speak their language perfectly and I am very reluctant to somehow put her into the system where her future might be determined by some doctor not being happy with the way I speak Spanish.
Is this normal behaviour? Should I be worried?
I can't begin to describe how grateful I am to find this place. I have spent the last few hours scouring the internet for clues about whether my 14 yo daughter's incandescent rages are caused by hormones or some sort of mental disorder.
To be honest, I thought what was happening in our home was so bad that it was going to be hard to find anyone to understand. But here I have found you and not only do I feel that I can tell my story and you will understand it but that also many have been through the same and much worse.
My daughter is 14. She is very beautiful and that's not just a mother talking. I mention it because I think her good looks are already getting her a free pass for bad behaviour in some cases and in future are only going to bring her trouble unless she learns that beauty comes from within.
I have had problems with her for several years now. Defiance, temper tantrums, lying, stealing. My ex (her father) moved to another country for training and never moved back. We officially separated about a year ago. About three years ago when I went to visit him for a short holiday, I was explaining to him the problems I was having with P, he didn't believe the things I was telling him. In fact, he hinted I was probably jealous of her and didn't love her enough.
My mother had also not believed me until she had to stay with the kids for that 10 days. Every time I told her about the extent of P's lying, being defiant, aggression, destruction or stealing she said I was being paranoid and all kids acted out. I knew back then that the behaviour was not quite normal and when I came home that time, my mum had finally experienced a little bit of it for herself and finally understood that I was not being paranoid or exaggerating.
When P was about 5, there was a swing park in front of our house. She went over there one day with a friend from school and her mother. The woman came to me later and told me that she had overheard P telling a couple of strangers at the park, (both young mothers with little kids) that I never fed her or bought her clothes and that I hit her every night. None of that was true and thankfully the woman who came to me had been around our family enough to know that it was all lies because she talked the strangers out of going to child services. I was so hurt. But I also was just so astonished that a child so small could come up with such a horrific story. To this day, I still don't know where that came from or why she did that.
Anyway, fast forward till today. In the past week, P has smashed a large glass candle holder on the floor, booted the bannisters of the rented house we live in trying to break them, put her fist through the glass pane of the kitchen door, thrown food out of the freezer all over the floor, food out of the cupboards all over the floor. She even punched the mirror n the bathroom so hard I thought it would break but it held, thank goodness.
These rages are over insignificant things. Last night's drama was over biscuits, a day or so because she could not find her cheap sunglasses and the mirror incident because she had smudged her mascara.
She looms over her brother. He's 12 and she admits to me that she wants to frighten and menace him. She says she hates him. She has told me she hates me too and wishes I was dead. Calls me a
and spits - not actually on me yet- but in my general direction. She has also said that she is useless and wishes she was dead and that she can see nothing in her future to look forward to because she can't do anythingShe has not actually struck me though I did get a nasty bruise on my calf when she lashed out at me a year or so ago with a hose. She did not mean to hurt me that time.
She is dodging school. Her grades are slipping but it is through lack of trying. She's actually very clever but she refuses to apply herself to anything that requires any work at all.
Her room is disgusting. In our old house she had a bathroom to herself. During her period she would leave used towels and tampons all around. You can't see the floor of her bedroom most of the time. I guess some of that is normal teen but used tampons? Is that normal?
I feel everything ramping up and am afraid it will end up with her hurting herself, my son or me. Or maybe one of the animals. She generally ignores them rather than being systematically cruel to them. Although she did punch my dog in the face once when she was angry with me. I think what she had really wanted to do was punch me in the face. She does not wet the bed and has no interest in fires.
She is very manipulative and as I said above she lies to beat the band and has stolen considerable amounts - twice €50 at a time. She could not even imagine that I would not have noticed.
She has repeatedly said that I favour my son and I know she is extremely jealous of him. She always has been. He is easier natured that is for sure - at least so far - but I love her more than life itself. I love them both. She was such a miracle to me as I had been told I could never have kids. I walked on eggshells for 9 months so I did not lose that baby. Now she tells me I obviously did not even want her and she wishes she had never been born.
So sorry for my long rant. My head is spinning and I feel I have not even scratched the surface. I feel so lost and am an expat in a foreign country. The doctors here are notorious for being arrogant unless you speak their language perfectly and I am very reluctant to somehow put her into the system where her future might be determined by some doctor not being happy with the way I speak Spanish.
Is this normal behaviour? Should I be worried?
Welcome, beam me up. What a great idea to take a bilingual friend to the doctor with you. You may want to do a parent report for your daughter to help the doctor understand what has occurred in a concise way. Here's the link. 
