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Substance Abuse
How you deal with other's opinions or judgement
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 727951" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>The other evening, my nephew and I were chatting. He is a "dabbler" (according to him), uses drugs, but holds a job. Lives with his grandparents across the road. He knows of my Tornados recent hauntings and frenetic partying behaviors (meth). "She is trying to find herself", he says.</p><p>Huh.</p><p> Thinks I should house her while this is going on. Thinks I should "build a little place for her, and her homeless older sister. Of course he does. <em>He’s living with his grandparents.</em></p><p> This is from the other side of the coin of your story, a <em>users</em> opinion versus a horrified parent, who thinks in her mind that "she could never allow her child to be on the streets." A drug users opinion, that I should look the other way, allow my drug addicted adult children to live off of me, while they "find themselves" drugging and partying their lives away.</p><p>Huh.</p><p>Of course, I have also had the look of horror from other folks at my daughters situation, and the forehead ticker tape, unspoken, or spoken exclamation of “Why aren’t you doing something to help them?.........”</p><p>I don't care what other people think, or say. It is none of their business. They have not been in my shoes, have no clue of the history and disruption addiction causes, the turmoil in my home, the desperation, sleepless nights, all of it wrapped up into a "horror-go-round" of an insidious nightmare of gut wrenching reality. I can be an "over-sharer" as well. I believe that there is a lesson in all of this, that drug addiction can happen within anyone’s family and silence about it only perpetuates ignorance. But, I am cautious about who I speak with. I have enough to deal with and don’t need to add to that load with worrying what others think.</p><p> SW, I have the same issues. I have had to give it all over to God, because it is too much for me to bear alone. You sound well grounded and resolute. For me, this came after years of dealing with the drama and chaos for my household and realizing that nothing changes, if nothing changes. I finally had to let go and realize that the change, had to come from me.</p><p></p><p> We all have a long way to go. This is the toughest thing to deal with. I am sorry for the heartache of it. It hurts to say yes and it hurts to say no. The yes means more drama and chaos in our homes, and the no means additional worry and catastrophic thoughts about "what could happen".</p><p>When my mind goes to worry and stress over my two, I say a quick prayer. I pray for them and my family on my morning walks. I have found tremendous help in this. It is because I have no control over their choices.</p><p>I try not to picture the absolute worse case scenario, this only makes it harder to bear. I try to project what they can be, if they want. It may seem silly to do so, but I do have hope that they will wake up and find their true potential one day. I think we mothers learn to run the tapes through our minds of what could happen, just in case it does, so we are somewhat prepared.</p><p>People that have never dealt with this, have absolutely no clue of how difficult the journey is. They don't know how many times we have tried to help, how many sleepless nights we have, the incredible toll it takes on us. They just do not understand.</p><p>Hang in there SW, we are here with you and know how tough this road is. Keep building your toolbox and working on you.</p><p> Know that you deserve to have peace of mind, despite what others think or say.</p><p>You matter.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 727951, member: 19522"] The other evening, my nephew and I were chatting. He is a "dabbler" (according to him), uses drugs, but holds a job. Lives with his grandparents across the road. He knows of my Tornados recent hauntings and frenetic partying behaviors (meth). "She is trying to find herself", he says. Huh. Thinks I should house her while this is going on. Thinks I should "build a little place for her, and her homeless older sister. Of course he does. [I]He’s living with his grandparents.[/I] This is from the other side of the coin of your story, a [I]users[/I] opinion versus a horrified parent, who thinks in her mind that "she could never allow her child to be on the streets." A drug users opinion, that I should look the other way, allow my drug addicted adult children to live off of me, while they "find themselves" drugging and partying their lives away. Huh. Of course, I have also had the look of horror from other folks at my daughters situation, and the forehead ticker tape, unspoken, or spoken exclamation of “Why aren’t you doing something to help them?.........” I don't care what other people think, or say. It is none of their business. They have not been in my shoes, have no clue of the history and disruption addiction causes, the turmoil in my home, the desperation, sleepless nights, all of it wrapped up into a "horror-go-round" of an insidious nightmare of gut wrenching reality. I can be an "over-sharer" as well. I believe that there is a lesson in all of this, that drug addiction can happen within anyone’s family and silence about it only perpetuates ignorance. But, I am cautious about who I speak with. I have enough to deal with and don’t need to add to that load with worrying what others think. SW, I have the same issues. I have had to give it all over to God, because it is too much for me to bear alone. You sound well grounded and resolute. For me, this came after years of dealing with the drama and chaos for my household and realizing that nothing changes, if nothing changes. I finally had to let go and realize that the change, had to come from me. We all have a long way to go. This is the toughest thing to deal with. I am sorry for the heartache of it. It hurts to say yes and it hurts to say no. The yes means more drama and chaos in our homes, and the no means additional worry and catastrophic thoughts about "what could happen". When my mind goes to worry and stress over my two, I say a quick prayer. I pray for them and my family on my morning walks. I have found tremendous help in this. It is because I have no control over their choices. I try not to picture the absolute worse case scenario, this only makes it harder to bear. I try to project what they can be, if they want. It may seem silly to do so, but I do have hope that they will wake up and find their true potential one day. I think we mothers learn to run the tapes through our minds of what could happen, just in case it does, so we are somewhat prepared. People that have never dealt with this, have absolutely no clue of how difficult the journey is. They don't know how many times we have tried to help, how many sleepless nights we have, the incredible toll it takes on us. They just do not understand. Hang in there SW, we are here with you and know how tough this road is. Keep building your toolbox and working on you. Know that you deserve to have peace of mind, despite what others think or say. You matter. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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