You may think I'm crazy for even considering this, but I think a 9-1/2-month old baby I watch may have ODD.
I have been around and taken care of a LOT of babies in my 35 years (being an aunt to 24 kids is just the tip of that iceberg), and have a 10-month old of my own. I stay home with my son and watch a few other children through the week, one of them being the baby above. She and my son went to the same daycare previously, which closed and so I now run my own so I can stay home with my boy. Now she comes to my house.
Her parents, while very nice and earnest, seem fairly clueless about babies in general, and admit neither have been around babies much before she came along. They thought her behavior was normal, at least up until they were around my son a lot. At first I thought maybe the baby's behavior was just adjusting to being at a new daycare (mine), but after the first month I figured that couldn't be it. Little by little her parents have been admitting her difficult behavior goes on at home as well, and they often feel overwhelmed and helpless by it.
She screams at the top of her lungs when she doesn't get her way. She wants to be carried around at all times, but not engaged in anyway, but as if she's just an accessory. (She is crawling and standing just fine.) Of course I can not and will not carry her around like that. When I do hold her and try to talk or have fun with her she may smile a bit but then is bored with it and wants to be left alone. Same for when we play on the floor. She's just not very joyful. When she's ready for her bottle, she immediately screams for it, bawls incessantly until the nipple goes into her mouth. I try to get it ready ahead of time and sneak it nearby, but as soon as she sees it she begins the screaming. When she cries for no reason, I sit on the floor near her instead of picking her up, and she crawls up to me but if I reach for her she turns away. When she's attempting to do something and can't (like if she tries to stand and falls on her butt, or open a door but can't because her own body is in the way), she throws a full-on tantrum - stiffens up and screams at the top of her lungs. She can touch and crawl on the other kids all she likes - in just play mostly - but sometimes if she's in a mood, if any of them so much as lean on her she immediately goes into a screaming fit. It wears on my patience and it really bothers the other children (except my own - he's used to it from the other daycare, and laughs at her). She will take a toy away from my son repeatedly just to throw it down behind her, even if they have identical toys in their hands. When I'm feeding one of the other kids, she gets very upset and now has begun to intentionally do things she knows she's not supposed to. (And yes she'd just been fed herself. I always have to feed her first.) Yesterday I stopped feeding my son and had to remove her from the behavior (pulling books off the shelf and ripping them) several times, and would try to distract her with a toy. But as soon as I went back to feeding, she'd throw the toy down and crawl as fast as she could to the books and start pulling them off. The more I would tell her no, the more she would look right at me and do it again. It was aggravating. When feeding her, she will start a tantrum because the next bite isn't coming fast enough.
I've tried several tactics. Attempts to console her when she's throwing a fit don't work because she refuses to be touched (confirmed by her parents) - she actually removes your hands. I've tried what I've seen her dad do: gently tap her belly and shake head while softly but firmly saying "no." I've split the "not otherwise specified" into different phrases for each offense, instead of just "no" : "no fits", "no pulling hair", "no biting", etc. While the low "no" is the best, these tactics still only work about half the time or the results are short-lived. I've been trying to work with her after she's had her lunch while she's still in the high chair. I give her little bite-size baby snacks, and if she starts to throw a fit (no cause, naturally, just whenever she feels like it) I stop and say "no more" and put them down, then I say "be a good girl" until she calms down and then give her the snack. I do this hoping she understands the bad behavior is unacceptable and the good behavior is favorable. It's too soon to know if this is working.
Ignoring her when she's just crawling around bawling and screaming, though I hate to do it and it's hard, works fairly well. She eventually starts playing with a toy or gets distracted and stops. But as soon as she gets me eye-to-eye or I talk to her, she will start up again.
I have never encountered a child so young with such anger, throwing fits and tantrums, engaging in such defiant behavior. So many days I have considered telling her parents not to bring her back, but not only do I feel bad doing that, but also the next day she may be better, and I have the hope that eventually with work and patience I can modify her behavior. At first my husband assumed she was ignored at home, but I know that can't be true, and I think they cow-tow and rush to appease her every whim, which only supports this behavior. Now we believe there's definitely some kind of psychological problem going on with her. I decided to do a little research, and came upon this site.
Does anyone have any insight for me? Could it be possible this child already has the onset of ODD? I know her behavior can't be normal, and I'm getting at my wit's end.
I have been around and taken care of a LOT of babies in my 35 years (being an aunt to 24 kids is just the tip of that iceberg), and have a 10-month old of my own. I stay home with my son and watch a few other children through the week, one of them being the baby above. She and my son went to the same daycare previously, which closed and so I now run my own so I can stay home with my boy. Now she comes to my house.
Her parents, while very nice and earnest, seem fairly clueless about babies in general, and admit neither have been around babies much before she came along. They thought her behavior was normal, at least up until they were around my son a lot. At first I thought maybe the baby's behavior was just adjusting to being at a new daycare (mine), but after the first month I figured that couldn't be it. Little by little her parents have been admitting her difficult behavior goes on at home as well, and they often feel overwhelmed and helpless by it.
She screams at the top of her lungs when she doesn't get her way. She wants to be carried around at all times, but not engaged in anyway, but as if she's just an accessory. (She is crawling and standing just fine.) Of course I can not and will not carry her around like that. When I do hold her and try to talk or have fun with her she may smile a bit but then is bored with it and wants to be left alone. Same for when we play on the floor. She's just not very joyful. When she's ready for her bottle, she immediately screams for it, bawls incessantly until the nipple goes into her mouth. I try to get it ready ahead of time and sneak it nearby, but as soon as she sees it she begins the screaming. When she cries for no reason, I sit on the floor near her instead of picking her up, and she crawls up to me but if I reach for her she turns away. When she's attempting to do something and can't (like if she tries to stand and falls on her butt, or open a door but can't because her own body is in the way), she throws a full-on tantrum - stiffens up and screams at the top of her lungs. She can touch and crawl on the other kids all she likes - in just play mostly - but sometimes if she's in a mood, if any of them so much as lean on her she immediately goes into a screaming fit. It wears on my patience and it really bothers the other children (except my own - he's used to it from the other daycare, and laughs at her). She will take a toy away from my son repeatedly just to throw it down behind her, even if they have identical toys in their hands. When I'm feeding one of the other kids, she gets very upset and now has begun to intentionally do things she knows she's not supposed to. (And yes she'd just been fed herself. I always have to feed her first.) Yesterday I stopped feeding my son and had to remove her from the behavior (pulling books off the shelf and ripping them) several times, and would try to distract her with a toy. But as soon as I went back to feeding, she'd throw the toy down and crawl as fast as she could to the books and start pulling them off. The more I would tell her no, the more she would look right at me and do it again. It was aggravating. When feeding her, she will start a tantrum because the next bite isn't coming fast enough.
I've tried several tactics. Attempts to console her when she's throwing a fit don't work because she refuses to be touched (confirmed by her parents) - she actually removes your hands. I've tried what I've seen her dad do: gently tap her belly and shake head while softly but firmly saying "no." I've split the "not otherwise specified" into different phrases for each offense, instead of just "no" : "no fits", "no pulling hair", "no biting", etc. While the low "no" is the best, these tactics still only work about half the time or the results are short-lived. I've been trying to work with her after she's had her lunch while she's still in the high chair. I give her little bite-size baby snacks, and if she starts to throw a fit (no cause, naturally, just whenever she feels like it) I stop and say "no more" and put them down, then I say "be a good girl" until she calms down and then give her the snack. I do this hoping she understands the bad behavior is unacceptable and the good behavior is favorable. It's too soon to know if this is working.
Ignoring her when she's just crawling around bawling and screaming, though I hate to do it and it's hard, works fairly well. She eventually starts playing with a toy or gets distracted and stops. But as soon as she gets me eye-to-eye or I talk to her, she will start up again.
I have never encountered a child so young with such anger, throwing fits and tantrums, engaging in such defiant behavior. So many days I have considered telling her parents not to bring her back, but not only do I feel bad doing that, but also the next day she may be better, and I have the hope that eventually with work and patience I can modify her behavior. At first my husband assumed she was ignored at home, but I know that can't be true, and I think they cow-tow and rush to appease her every whim, which only supports this behavior. Now we believe there's definitely some kind of psychological problem going on with her. I decided to do a little research, and came upon this site.
Does anyone have any insight for me? Could it be possible this child already has the onset of ODD? I know her behavior can't be normal, and I'm getting at my wit's end.