How's this for sad?

[flutterbee]

I've posted about easy child's loser father, K, in the past and the saga over the car for easy child. I had planned on buying easy child a car with my tax refund, but..you know...life happens and you hit a pothole and blow out two tires...stuff like that.

Anyway, K called easy child a couple of weeks ago and told him that he sold his boat so he could buy easy child a car. First of all, do you want a cookie? He's never sacrificed a thing for easy child, so I'm not broken up over the boat. Second, are you going for guilt? (The answer would be, yes. That's how K operates.) You do what you do for your kids. He shouldn't have gotten his step-daughter a car if he wasn't willing to cough it up for his son.

But, here's the sad part. easy child doesn't believe his dad. He doesn't think his dad really did sell his boat - or ever would do anything like that for him.

I tend to believe his dad (shocking, I know). That's a hard lie to back out of - unless he sold it for other reasons. But, easy child told me this and told me flat out he doesn't believe him. He thinks his dad is just jerking him around and trying to make him feel bad.

It's pretty sad when you don't trust your parent and can't believe anything they say.

 

[klmno]

Yes, it is sad. But if K is really that big of a jerk, at least easy child is trying to keep some defenses up to ward off the disappointment. I hope K comes through.

 

[meowbunny]

I imagine D is trying to protect himself from another disappointment. I hope that K did in fact sell his boat (although I doubt it was to buy his son a car) and makes good in at least getting his son a safe clunker. D deserves that at the very least.

Sorry that the blown tires wrecked D's car from you. Well, at least he's young enough to work and save for a car. Figure anyone who can do all of that walking in a blizzard or its aftermath can easily have the energy to find a job and getting a car is certainly a good incentive.

Since he likes to make people laugh, maybe Chuck E. Cheese would be a perfect spot for him?

 

[hearts and roses]

Yeah, that is sad allright. When difficult child was only around 5 or so, her loser biodad told her that when she came to visit he would have a HUGE present for her in his closet...that he would let her run wild and find it...really built it up. Well, a few months later, she did run wild looking for the present he said was there, waiting for her. She's still been running wild looking for that great HUGE present her dad has always promised her. It's very sad. easy child smartened up right quick and now whenever he promises anything, she always says something, "Well, we'll see, won't we?" difficult child still believes him.

Thank God your sweetie has put up his guard - it's his natural defense. Sad, yes, but smart too.

 

[Star*]

Wynter,

1/2 full - 1/2 empty - or just a wrong sized cup to begin with?

You know, I get angry when I see our kids being mistreated by their 'fathers' or 'mothers' but the amazing thing to me in this case, the thing that I would dearly love to hear out of my sons own mouth was what D said -

I don't believe him!

WHY?

Because he's done it SO much to him - he has no right TO believe him. The fact that he can make that distinction while sad in reality - is so mature. Sure it makes us angry - but it's got to make you just a little more at ease to know you aren't having to (right this minute) deal with Daddy Disappointment Fallout.

Want to know why I think he helped the step-daughter get HER own car? (no you don't really) but - Best guess is -
Either hauling her around has encroached on HIS free time OR
His wife cut him off until he got her a car.

I doubt it was a noble cause - and dont' doubt that he could sell his boat and "come up with 100 excuses for what he did with the money besides help his son)

I hope for D's sake you are right. I hope for your x's armpits sake he does what he promised or I will send the fleas of 100 camels to invade his body hair and make his arms too short to scratch.

Hugs

 

[ML]

It makes me very sad to think of his little heart getting broken time and time again. I hope dad comes through for once. I suppose that fact that he doesn't believe him is good because it means he won't fall for his lines any more. Please let us know how the car situation turns out. Hugs, ML

 

[Shari]

Its is so sad and I will never understand these people's thinking...

My difficult child 1 lived this with both of his bio parents. They'd say "see you next week" and he'd say "yeah, right". So sad.

 

[KTMom91]

Sounds like Miss KT's father...he lives less than an hour away and still can't get his sorry butt up here to spend time with his daughter. He's too busy to call her back...like he does anything all day but sleep...except hide from Family Support officers...GRRRRRR! I would love to line these clowns up and smack them repeatedly for hurting our kids.

 

[flutterbee]

It's sad that he's had to come to this realization with his dad and while I'm glad that he is mature enough to recognize it, it hurts to watch your child have to deal with it. He says he doesn't believe him, but you *know* there is hope there that this one time his dad will actually do what he says. The first time he realized that his dad wasn't the kind to follow through, Devon was 5 years old and told me that his dad had lied to him. It just breaks your heart.

For awhile, even though K and I agreed years ago to go 1/2 and 1/2 on a car (before I got sick), he told Devon that he would only get him a car if he moved down there - to Georgia. K told Devon that he would have a car and a cell phone, etc, etc, etc. Devon told him he'd rather live here without all that stuff then there with it. I think that started 2 summers ago.

You have to understand, this is the same man who would buy Devon Christmas and birthday presents - including clothes - and wouldn't let him bring them home. I never understood that at all. Kids grow. Most likely what you buy them isn't going to fit in 3 months. And Devon was only down there Spring break, Christmas break and a couple of weeks over the summer. The worst, though, was when he bought easy child a Playstation for Christmas (Devon was around 8) and wouldn't let him bring it home. Sent him home with his old Sega Genesis that he had when we were dating. Guess who really wanted the Playstation.

I could write a book on the sh-tuff K has pulled, but I'll stop here. It's just more of the same selfish, narcissistic type of stuff.

Of course, you all know that it's my fault that Devon doesn't feel close to his dad, right? K has no responsibility in that at all.

I hope for your x's armpits sake he does what he promised or I will send the fleas of 100 camels to invade his body hair and make his arms too short to scratch.

Could you do that anyway? Please? Just for fun.

Thanks for the support. Devon's brain may malfunction at times - as all teenagers do - but he is a really good kid. He's a good person. I wish he would get better grades and take things more seriously, but I'm proud of the person my son has become.

 

[Lothlorien]

Thinking really hard and wishing fleas on your x.....(good one Star)

What is really sad is that he felt the need to buy his step-daughter's love with a car, without thinking about the NEEDs of his own spawn! X is going to be a very lonely man.

 

[4sumrzn]

Yep....sad indeed. But, hopefully after Star takes care of K.....he will follow up with his words/promise & surprise you (that made me laugh pretty hard). Lothlorien mentioned one of my thoughts also.

 

[totoro]

I was just thinking about how people can live with themselves after they spend most of their lives messing up someone's life???
You hear so many stories about this Daddy or Mommy... When is it ever gonna sink in that they do affect kids, for the rest of their lives??? And why is his Wife just sitting there letting him do this?
If I was someone's step-parents I would expect to treat them and their parent treat their children with some fricken decency!!!
Get a SPINE people... get some dignity...
So now D has to decide for the rest of his life who is going to screw him over and who he can trust all based on his Daddy!?!?!
I have some ticks that the Moose are dropping off that I can ship free of charge!!!
This country NEEDS to take care and love our kids... string up and ship off all of these people that just destroy and tear apart our little ones minds...
Sorry H I just hate this, I feel bad for you, and your kids...

 

[Star*]

Wynter -

YOU ARE MY LONG LOST SISTER IN LAW!!! We married brothers.

When Dude was a little baby - we pitched in some money to buy him a truck to grow into. It was neat. Big tires, and it was to be Dudes when he got older. He was 4 or 5.

Almost a year went by and drug addled idiot came to Dude and said to a (BABY) "WE (as if - I worked 3 jobs) cant' pay the rent I need to sell the truck - your truck BUT I'll buy you a super bike and go cart later."

Dude said ok. A year went by and no bike - Dude got angry with his Dad - and idiot went and got "himself" a go cart and got Dude a bike. Very expensive bike - racing bike. Dude named it, fell in love with it - if he wasn't on it - it was in his room.

When I left idiot - he wouldn't allow Dude to take his bike - Dude was so mad.

EVERY argument, every outburst, every WORD out of Dudes mouth forever was about that bike. I told xmil years later how important it was and how Dude obsessed over it. She told Dude she would send it. FINALLY - I mean he was a different child - he was going to be reunited with his bike. He was happy and cheerful, glad.

And then Christmas came - 5 months later. A box in the UPS a brand new bike box - and in it - was it a brand new bike? No. Was it the old, yet new racing bike Dude obsessed over? No. It was a used, rusted bike with a bent tire. DUDE was livid. And I had to endure the fall out from that. And he is 17 and STILL talks about the bike.

So I know how you feel about this - Kids should never have to wonder if their parents are liars. They should at least have that. What is worse is even if you say to your x - our son is really upset - it will be YOUR fault because x will think YOU are the one encouraging your son to act out.

He's a jerk. Hey - have an idea - check Goodwill in your area for car auctions - ours has them and they have some pretty nice/cheap deals.

Hugs

 

[Steely]

How very, very sad.
Unfortunately we are in a similar situation. It is just beyond our mommy love to understand how another parent could be so callous, and cold, that our children no longer believe them.
On the flip side, at least he is still not in the stage of daddy hangs the moon. In the long run his mindset will help him function in a more healthy and mature fashion. He has accepted his reality, and that is oh so important.

Hugs.

 

[dirobb]

It's bittersweet when they come to those realizations.

My ex and I agreed to giving my son his 1st car when my son was 6 (we divorced when he was 7). so he turns 15 and I think will we need to get started on fixing it up. husband and I were gonna work on it with easy child. I call ex he has now decided that easy child can borrow the car for a little while. WTH. husband, easy child and I decided to pass on the great offer. I could not see investing in his car. I let easy child have my car and got myself a new car (first in 24 years) It was totalled. We have since put him in another (hopefully to get him thru college) Did ex help??? OF COURSE NOT.

I would say "what are they thinking" but I'm not sure thay do.

 

[hearts and roses]

And you know what? I always knew that my exh would, could, never deliver on his promises, so I busted my hiney making sure that my dds' had all of their needs met without him or his help. And, likewise, I always made sure I never promised them anything unless I KNEW I could deliver...at least they know the difference between someone who means what they say and says what they mean and one who doesn't, Know what I mean??

Whether it is food, clothing, a roof over his head or a little spending money, at least your son knows who he can rely on, who is always in his corner and who genuinely knows how to express the healthiest love.

As I was reading through all the stories it just occurred to me how much stronger women are in general. We DO, we teach, we love and we're honest. I hate making generalizations like that men v women, but for the sake of this argument in particular it sures seems true enough.

 

[flutterbee]

Step mom stepping up? This would be the same woman that was jealous of the time K spent with Devon for the few weeks a year he saw him...to the point of K taking Devon and staying in a hotel room a couple of times. The same woman who when K was at school at night would give Devon a pop tart for dinner. I don't see it happening. She has lightened up a bit in the last couple of years, according to Devon, but she's so clouded by her hatred of me. Which is interesting, actually...her hatred of me. Other than I wouldn't back off enforcing child support and proving her wrong (by being able to enforce it), I've not done anything to the woman. I'm sure, though, that during the time that K decided he wasn't interested enough to see Devon or pay child support, K was telling her that I was keeping Devon from him.

Of course, it doesn't help, either, that K and his wife separated around the time their child was born and K asked to get back together with me. To which I responded, unequivocally, NO. (He said, well you're not trying to spare any feelings are you? Ummmm...nope.)

Anyway, I'm starting to think that K's in-laws have bought the car for his step-daughter and K tried to put it off as him doing it to 'impress' Devon. Devon recently found out that a lot of their 'niceties' are paid for by her parents. There's nothing wrong with that. Just don't let Devon think you're doing for one and not the other. I mean, when his step-daughter got a car for her 16th birthday (a 2 year old car, mind you) and Devon got $100 and K tells him that he feels like he shorted him, what's he supposed to think.

It's not just about stuff, either, although it seems this post sounds like it. It's just another example of how his dad treats him. He treats him like a juvenile delinquent in the making and they repeatedly calling him a 'Yankee' which is not meant nicely and bad-mouthing his home. I reminded K that Ohio *is* his home. He's lived here since he was 3 years old and has been in the same SD since kindergarten.

Then there's the time my 8 year old son who was 600 MILES away calls me in tears because his dad threatened to beat him with a belt. Even if beating with a belt was an appropriate form of punishment (which it's not), Devon has never done anything to warrant such a thing. So, I told Devon if his dad gets a belt to call 911. P*ssed his dad off to no end - I'm pretty sure he was actually foaming at the mouth, but he never got the belt out. He did other things instead. Like tell him he couldn't come home if he didn't eat his sloppy joe.

Sigh...

He's such a schmuck. And he has no idea the damage he has done to his relationship with Devon. Probably will never get it.

 

[Star*]

Wynter -

Of course this post is NOT about stuff. It IS about being respectful to your children (ALL) of your children equally.

I have had this discussion with our therapist about "daddy Dearest" and there is nothing I can do to stop Dude from believing some day that Daddy Warbucks (a long time crackhead, drinker, womanizer, abuser, rapist, child molester, killer and psychotic jerk) has turned his life around, become a model citizen, passes out blankets at the homeless shelter, gives baby dolls to kids that are victims of fires, sews and hems skirts for Mothers of domestic violence, feeds the elderly soup and reads to them while holding down 7 jobs and 3 other volunteer positions, wraps packages for our men across the ocean at war, bathes dogs at the shelter, fixes bird houses for the wintering birds,Helps old ladies across the street, gives up his electric car to a single mother with 3 kids walking to work 88 miles one way, and probably freakin recycles all his household garbage, - and gets Earth Bags to haul his all natural food (no preservatives like the cheap **** I serve) to his vitamin eating, Fung Schway, Zen, biking to work now All YIN no Yang lifestyle......what was it his family told Dude recently - oh yeah "He's such a likeable guy" and I'm not too sure they didn't tell him that if he were THERE that x could probably help him GET a car. (what they did not explain was "get" - he's on his 3rd conviction for grand theft auto. Why not 4 - one for the kid? Maybe a HUMMER with knobbies and a kick butt stereo system and disco ball......yeah!!!!!!!

and I just think - (he he hu he he huh--)

 

[susiestar]

I am collecting fleas from Six Dinner Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) ( Gracie Lou Freebush does not have any) and the dogs up the way. I will have them in a box ready to be sent overnight. Send a coded message with delivery instructions. These are welltrained fleas, upon delivery they will immediately infect crotch and armpits. They are enlisting the aide of thier friends, the lice on the neighbor kid. These are super duper not killed by nuttin' lice, no medication will get rid of them. He will shave his head, dip it in turpentine, and do allsorts of other strange things, but the lice will not leave.

I hate to hear about dads like this. Or moms like this. It is good that he is mature enough to see through his dad, but so sad that he had to grow up to that realization. NO kid should have parents that can't be counted on.

SEnd secret message through Star's decoder.

Susie