Hubby's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by witzend, Aug 20, 2008.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I know that in the distant past I have made mention of the fact that husband's mother is a horder and an animal horder. She's been arrested and hospitalized for it throughout her adult life, and is often on "watch" by animal control. Needless to say that their home is not and was not very clean. Actually, piles of trash with paths through it is more accurate. husband's brother got hepatitis when he was a kid, and husband believes it was from the filth in the home. It probably was.

    I'm not the world's best or worst housekeeper. I try to keep it clean, and to do cleaning on a regular basis. husband never sees dirt. He learned to look right past it in his childhood. On the other hand, he has some very quirky habits. He does not touch doorknobs or toilet handles in our home. I kind of get the doorknob thing, they say something about the filth on doorknobs on the news once a year or so. But he has to open the sliding glass door with his foot. He's never, on the other hand, cleaned his computer keyboard. He flushes the toilet - when he flushes it which is rarely - with a tissue. Now, I use a tissue to put the seat down before I sit. But why use a tissue to flush it? You're going to wash your hands after, right?

    The thing is, it is dawning on me that he is not afraid of dirt, he's just obsessed about touching dirt in certain places. His job is to do the after dinner dishes. He won't wipe the stove or counters or table. It could go days, and he'd be happy to cook on it or make a sandwich on it that way. When he is doing projects around the house, he leaves stuff everywhere, and won't clean up. Apparently that's for me to do when he is done with the project. Which could be months later. I mean he won't pick up tools, when I yell at him enough to get him to get them out of the middle of the floor or counter, he shoves them into boxes and buckets in the garage even though we have a workbench (can't see the top of it) and three toolchests in the garage.

    I'd get it if he were obsessed with germs and needed to keep things clean, but other than in his own body, he is disgustingly filthy. It's totally irrational. It wouldn't bother me if he ever wiped anything off or swept a floor or flushed the toilet, but nothing bothers him. :mad:

    He dumped about 1/2 cup of hand soap on an overstuffed chair last night, and I was in the other room and didn't see. I told him he would need to wipe it up. He grabbed some towels and said "It was mostly on the floor." I came into the room about an hour later and could see that it was about 3 inches wide from the top of the chair all the way to the seat. All he had done was wipe it with a dry towel. Are you kidding me? I had to get the bucket and the scrub brush and towels and scrub it all out of there. "Well most of it did go on the floor!" I thought he meant that a few drops got on the chair. GRRR!!!
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    My husband is oblivious to many of the same things, Witz. It used to really irritate me on a daily basis, but I've had to let go of that if I am to hang on to my sanity. So yeah, our house is not a shining example of anything, except clutter because no one seems to be able to pick up after themself or remember where things go. We waste an inordinate amount of time looking for stuff.

    husband is also notorious for either NOT wiping up his spills, or making very minimal effort to clean it. It's really quite gross. I should have realized this is just the way he is when I first saw his apartment when we were dating. His kitchen had grease everywhere. Pots he used for deep frying were thickly coated with cooked-on grease (I doubt he ever washed them). He constantly had ants invading. And the bathroom was out of a horror film. He told me his mom and sister came over once or twice in the year he'd been there to clean for him. That was a HUGE red flag that I ignored. What grown man needs mommy to come clean for him?!

    I look around me and shake my head because I remember life on my own and my living space was never, EVER this cluttered or dirty. And then I remind myself that I'm outnumbered, and surrounded by crazy people! And then I start hunting for my car keys that I think are somewhere under newspapers here...
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Irrational! That is the best description. My father in law has some funny quirks, that are very Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)/Anxiety driven. (they really are not that funny when I am around him for longer than a day). He is also semi-spectrumish... he takes medications but he is still very set and needs to be set to get through the day. I have given up trying to understand why some things are one way and others... he could care less.
    We call him "Panicky- his last name rhymes with panicky" He thinks it is funny! He thinks we are all weird!
    I don't have to live with it... I would have a hard time considering I am type A and was a (ADHD) scattered neat freak before the girls were born! I have had to mellow out a bit.
    Thinking about this, husband's Step-Mom's Mom had to be "removed" from her home after her husband died. She had the same type of thing as your mother in law. They spent over a week digging things out... they check up on her all of the time to make sure she has not blocked herself in! She is feisty and says she is fine and nothing wrong with saving some stuff!!!
    Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and hoarding is very strange/interesting...I think more people do it than we realize!
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My husband is not Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), or even dxable, except as passive aggressive. He LOVES bacon. Even likes to cook it. He will have a fit if he comes to cook and the kitchen is cluttered. BUT he will NOT clean a counter or even the table unless the kids are looking and he want them to think he cleans. After my surgery I had to use a rubber spatula to scrape MULTIPLE layers of bacon and hamburger grease off of the stove. I even had to sit on a footstool and scrub the floor because it was unsafe to walk on it around the stove.

    I "joke" that he doesn't wash counters, etc because they don't fit in the dishwasher. But he truly will NOT wash ANYTHING that doesn't go in the dishwasher. It drives me batty.

    Is there any chance you can get your husband on medication for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)? To see if that helps? I know from what I learned with Wiz that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is usually treated with SSRI's like paxil, but in higher doses than are used for depression. Not sure that helps you any, but thought I would throw it out there.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    husband is on Prozac, and he seemed to be getting a lot more rational about things for a while, but we are coming to a point where it is not as good for now.

    I also have to wonder how rational it is of me to think that cleaning matters to anyone but me. My standards for myself are not what I would do for him, but if he doesn't care, why do I? Time for a little self reflection.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh dear, Witz. I hear you.

    The one thing a difficult child (or difficult child husband) does to you is make you question your own standards and sanity.

    It's a matter of whether it really makes you nuts, or whether it's an inconvenience you're willing to live with. It does take a lot of thought.

    If you vacuum once a wk, do the laundry so it doesn't pile up too high, and don't leave out food, that's a pretty good cleaning record. :)

    So sorry. It's hard to deal with-that sort of thing on a daily basis. I hope the Prozac helps him with-whatever other issues he has, since it doesn't seem to be working with-this.
  7. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    My husband and I have very different things like this. He is very obsessive about the cordless phone. Like if he sees it it must go back on the base. Of course me I use it and take it with me and well leave next to the chair so I don't have to get up again. Hence the cordless. Well guess what we can't find it now (he has spent days looking for it) and I am betting he had it on his desk for half a second and the cat knocked it in the trash. Because if he gets it off the charger it is ok for it to sit. Just not anyone else. He has some other of those types of issues but not with his tools and such.

    I don't understand where it comes from but it is just what it is I guess.

  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    When DF and I decided to have a relationship and co-habitate - we laid out some rules.

    I am possibly type A-, with some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) tendencies - but recently got tested for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and am not - just tendencies (phew).

    When we moved into and bought this house - I HAD to find one that suited our "rules" because the HOUSE part of the house withouth a doubt"
    no smoking
    no pigging
    pick up your clothes
    clean the tub

    BUT - to be fair he has a double car garage finished (semi) off the kitchen that is HIS "getter" it's NO WOMANS land - it's the He-Man Cleaner hater's club house - and there are cob webs, there is dirt, the floors are swept about 2 times a year - the furniture is filthy - and dog, cat, hair filled - the walls and blinds have never seen a dusting - and once in 9 years I cleaned there - walls and all and never heard the end of it -

    So it's a MAN CAVE. And it's his junk - piled to the ceilings, - and he's not filthy - but he's a pig - coffee table covered with "projects" one time had to draw the line about the Harley Davidson being brought in for 'tweaking' but other than that - everyone knows - it's his - and he loves it.

    It's saved us fights, arguments - bickering - and when he "overcrowds" into my laundry room - I pitch it out - it goes unnoticed and we live in a peaceful environment.

    His ex wife made him LIVE in the basement when they were married - and I realized a biker isn't the "neatest" guy in the world - but he does help me keep the house end clean - no dusting or bathrooms ever - but he will help in the kitchen. So for us it works -

    And in our home ????? I am the one with quirks (the heck you say) lol
    But he has a few man habits that are just beyond me.

    Maybe the Prozac needs upped?
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    And this, my dear friends, is why I love being single.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Okay, so question here:

    If someone has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), which by my understanding falls into the anxiety spectrum of disorders, AND they are depressed as well, does that fit within a sort of bi-polar spectrum of sorts?
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    husband has his computer room. I keep only my stamps and return address labels in there. What with on-line banking, I'm hardly in there at all anymore. I take issue with the garage thing, because I'm the one that parks my car in the garage. I'm also the one who tries to keep track from time to time. So, most of the time I know where the tools are. But most projects we have to buy duplicate (or triplicate) of tools at least two or three times a week because nothing can be found. He can't go look for things because it is too much of a mess for him to even look at. I, on the other hand, have a general idea of what I'm looking for and where it is, and I don't have a phobia or denial or whatever it is he has about seeing the mess. Of course that always means that I have to stop whatever it is that I am doing and go hunt down whatever it is that he wants to go buy at the store which is actually down in the garage.

    I'm not sure about the bi-polar idea. I know that this condition is almost impossible to
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Dit. Toe.

    And even when something is in plain sight, my husband can't see it. I always laugh when I get up to help him search, because inevitably, if it had been a snake, it would have bit him...
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like Hubby's semi-finished garage. And the back of his car. We must have 50 hammers around here, but when I need to hammer something? I go get one of my high heeled shoes. I can find a shoe. I just can't find a hammer. My biggest b!#@& is when he uses something of mine and doesn't put it back where it belongs.
  14. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Like BBK - another reason why I'm single (but there are many :D ).

    I have a guy friend who is an absolute slob. He will leave soda cans, food wrappers, what have you on the floor, on the couch, on the coffee table. He doesn't wipe counters or that kind of thing. His vehicle was also so disgusting I didn't want to get in it - after he moved things off the seat so I could sit down.

    But, he has to wipe the top of a soda can before drinking out of it and if someone grabs a potato chip out of the bag (instead of pouring some into a bowl), then he won't eat any of the chips from that bag.

    It makes no sense.

    I posted an article on the General Board a couple weeks back that says that Cymbalta is supposed to be more effective at treating Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

    Gcvmom - I think the current theory or thinking or whatever you call it is that anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), depression and bipolar are all on the same spectrum. Like you have autism, aspergers and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified on the same spectrum.
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Other than the doorknob and toilet handle thing, you could be talking about my husband. Difference is that I know without a doubt he grew up in a clean home, no excuse. He is now passing this on to Nichole and Travis in varying degrees. argh!

    It's something that has driven me nuts over the years. All the time the kids were growing up I'd spend as much or more time picking up after him than the kids. And he has a nasty habit of leaving important papers or dangerous objects lying around. Can't tell you the number of times I've found a large knife lying on an end table when I've got little ones in the house. grrrrr Or listen to him complain that someone has messed with something important of his. Well, if it's important, put it away! No brainer.

    Arguments have gotten me nowhere. Even if husband "helps" me around the house, he might as well not bother. It can take him 2 hours to wash dishes that would take me 15 mins, plus I'd find the stove and counters not washed and half the dishes needing to be rewashed.

    Travis and Nichole have picked up his bad habits. And with me in school the past 2 years will little time to keep up on the house (once spotless) has gone to pot. I've spent the summer attempting to catch up on the cleaning and big cleaning. But everytime I get a room done and start on another........I turn around and they've trashed the clean one again. :faint: I feel like I'm going in a vicious circle. Nor is my house any cleaner than when I was in school. Lately Nichole has been pitching in and is starting to feel my frustration. *sigh*

    Nowadays I just look at my house and shake my head. :(