Hubs Daughter is in the wind..

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Bearsmom, Jun 13, 2019.

  1. Bearsmom

    Bearsmom New Member

    These are the days that make you shake your head in disbelief.
    Hubs went to get her situated, and she said that the feds are patrolling the place, and she needs to dip.(cool lingo for leave).
    So hubs asks where she's dipping to, and she tells him norcal she has 14$. She has court coming in a few days for theft..He came home very upset, saying he can't deal with her. I lovingly explained about addiction and detachment. He wants to go talk to a counselor. I have a feeling it's not over by a long shot, but he got a good glimpse of reality today.
     
  2. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    She will be back, and you will be in the same situation again, sooner or later.

    This is a great time to get into couple’s counseling and set some firm boundaries.

    It’s really a fine line to walk when you blend families, especially when there is a difficult adult offspring in the mix.
     
  3. Bearsmom

    Bearsmom New Member

    Thank you for your reply. Sadly, I know it's far from done. I call it the hamster wheel. I am not her mother, so it doesn't hit me the way it does him. I do frequently talk to his ex wife, and she thinks she is on drugs, and has been through h*ll with her, and has cut her off.

    My husband thinks he can save her, and gets told that he is a piece of s, a scum, hates him etc. She tortures him. Even when she's gone, it is in his head, hence why I will not allow it into our only sanctuary. Venting this helps..
     
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I know he is not convinced she is using drugs (sure sounds like it to me) but I suggest you look to see if there is an alanon parents meeting in your area. If there is maybe go and check it out and if you think it would be helpful ask him to go with you. He needs some support from other parents who have kids like his.....and alanons focus is on taking care of ourselves.
     
  5. BusynMember

    BusynMember Member

    If he wont go, go yourself.
     
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    It's a process for us all to deal with this.

    To me, when we find out adult children are on drugs it's kind of like we go through the same steps as when someone dies: grief, denial, anger, acceptance etc. etc.

    It's different for all of us.

    It takes time for all of us and it's not an easy or quick reality to come to terms with. It sounds like husband has made some strides since you started posting. This is where therapy and education of drug use come into play.

    When my son started this all I knew that I had to find out everything I could about this. And I did. It did help but it did not solve anything. It also was more scary the more educated I became. Of course my son was a minor when my experience started.

    You are doing all that you can, you have a great place of knowledge and strength and that is where I started. These folks here have been through it and will give you sound advice on what worked or did not work for them. Choose what helps you and your situation. I think you are on the right track.
     
  7. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I totally agree keep your home as your sanctuary. Good luck and prayers.
     
  8. Bearsmom

    Bearsmom New Member

    Thank you all again for responding, it helps me to vent. Still on the hamster wheel, some new cr*p every day. Missed her court date, so should be more drama by friday. I can only control my behavior, so I am seeking professional help to learn how to deal with this in a good way.