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Huge mistake. I gave him advice. Wow.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 634969" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks to all of you. I'm a nervous wreck today because I know she's planning to run off with my grandson and I can only hope my son stops her in court. While he at least has me and his father to rein him in, she is crazy as a loon and has nobody...everyone in her family thinks she's normal. She isn't. She is abusive to my grandson. My grandson is pretty much allowed to do what he wants with my son, but I know that even though he may threaten me and his father, he would not harm his child and I can check in on my grandson over the phone. Grandson is in a lose/lose situation with his parents, but if she runs off with him, he is toast. So I'm typing while I'm shaking, thinking that she's going to run off with him and my son is too clueless to know how to stop it or to stop it or he is too scared to really buy it and too freaked out to listen to rational suggestions. He is so like a little boy and can not handle scary situations and therefore will not handle them. And he gets abusive and mean to those who want to help. This really isn't about him though. This is about my grandson, a little boy I love even though I don't know him very much. I do know he is a good boy now, but being yanked from school and drug to California won't be good for him.</p><p></p><p>I will have to use my mindfulness techniques to deal with this because I can't do anything to stop it and I can't make my son act in a sane way. I have work today. That will help.</p><p></p><p>Honestly, just when I think 36 is in a good place so he will be calmer, something like this comes up and he panics and calls me, but then doesn't listen to me so why does he call me? He literally calls me so that I will say the right things to calm him down and he doesn't even care if I'm lying. He has told me that. I can't play that kind of "pretend" game so he gets angry and abusive and has even talked violently...and then I wonder if he's going to kill himself because life has become too hard for him. He won't say "I'll kill myself" to me because I call 911.</p><p></p><p>I am tempted to text him more advice this morning, but I'm sitting on my hands. If I do, it could amp him up, have him call me in a state of fury and panic (never a good thing for him) and I just want a break right now. It is hard to explain how somebody can scare you over the phone, but he does. My husband wanted to call him back yesterday to tell him to stop calling me, but I stopped him. That would only make things worse.</p><p></p><p>My son has a long, long history, starting in childhood, of asking for advice, NOT TAKING WHATEVER ADVICE HE IS GIVEN, then blaming the person who gave him the good advice and being abusive. When he was little, he tore up the house and kicked at us or spat at us. Now he can't because distance separates us, but long, long years of seeing how angry he can get make me scared of his anger. It does not sound like somebody's normal anger...like when Julie or Sonic or Jumper get angry. They sound angry, but they don't yell and scream and tear things up and are reasonable and easy to soothe. This is not the same thing.</p><p></p><p>To me it is amazing that one human being can never learn from the past and can't figure out by his age that he has to stay calm and take adult action to change things in his life, not yell, scream and have a two year old tantrum.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 634969, member: 1550"] Thanks to all of you. I'm a nervous wreck today because I know she's planning to run off with my grandson and I can only hope my son stops her in court. While he at least has me and his father to rein him in, she is crazy as a loon and has nobody...everyone in her family thinks she's normal. She isn't. She is abusive to my grandson. My grandson is pretty much allowed to do what he wants with my son, but I know that even though he may threaten me and his father, he would not harm his child and I can check in on my grandson over the phone. Grandson is in a lose/lose situation with his parents, but if she runs off with him, he is toast. So I'm typing while I'm shaking, thinking that she's going to run off with him and my son is too clueless to know how to stop it or to stop it or he is too scared to really buy it and too freaked out to listen to rational suggestions. He is so like a little boy and can not handle scary situations and therefore will not handle them. And he gets abusive and mean to those who want to help. This really isn't about him though. This is about my grandson, a little boy I love even though I don't know him very much. I do know he is a good boy now, but being yanked from school and drug to California won't be good for him. I will have to use my mindfulness techniques to deal with this because I can't do anything to stop it and I can't make my son act in a sane way. I have work today. That will help. Honestly, just when I think 36 is in a good place so he will be calmer, something like this comes up and he panics and calls me, but then doesn't listen to me so why does he call me? He literally calls me so that I will say the right things to calm him down and he doesn't even care if I'm lying. He has told me that. I can't play that kind of "pretend" game so he gets angry and abusive and has even talked violently...and then I wonder if he's going to kill himself because life has become too hard for him. He won't say "I'll kill myself" to me because I call 911. I am tempted to text him more advice this morning, but I'm sitting on my hands. If I do, it could amp him up, have him call me in a state of fury and panic (never a good thing for him) and I just want a break right now. It is hard to explain how somebody can scare you over the phone, but he does. My husband wanted to call him back yesterday to tell him to stop calling me, but I stopped him. That would only make things worse. My son has a long, long history, starting in childhood, of asking for advice, NOT TAKING WHATEVER ADVICE HE IS GIVEN, then blaming the person who gave him the good advice and being abusive. When he was little, he tore up the house and kicked at us or spat at us. Now he can't because distance separates us, but long, long years of seeing how angry he can get make me scared of his anger. It does not sound like somebody's normal anger...like when Julie or Sonic or Jumper get angry. They sound angry, but they don't yell and scream and tear things up and are reasonable and easy to soothe. This is not the same thing. To me it is amazing that one human being can never learn from the past and can't figure out by his age that he has to stay calm and take adult action to change things in his life, not yell, scream and have a two year old tantrum. [/QUOTE]
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Huge mistake. I gave him advice. Wow.
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