Hurt feelings...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by greenrene, Apr 3, 2012.

  1. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    I'll preface this by saying that of course I know that my BFF can do what she wants, it's her vacation, and it's none of my business. I get that. I also will say that I haven't talked to her about this, nor do I plan to because I don't want to sound bratty or needy.

    BUT. She has really hurt my feelings.

    BFF and I lived across the street from each other for 10 years when we lived up north. Almost 3 years ago, we moved to FL, so she and I are now 900 miles apart and, obviously, rarely see each other. I haven't exactly made a lot of friends here, especially with difficult child's issues and also having a baby/small child. I am also very shy. This friendship with her means a lot to me, and I really miss her.

    Several weeks ago she called me to tell me that she was thinking about coming down to the FL Gulf Coast area for spring break and saying how great it would be if I and my family could meet up with them, even if it's several hours from us (I live on the Space Coast). I was excited about the idea. A week or so later she called and said that the trip wasn't going to pan out. Oh well, no biggie.

    Fast forward to this past Sunday morning. I get on FB and see that her daughter has posted about being on the way to Florida! Of course I asked about it, and BFF said that they were on the way to Jacksonville to visit a cousin of theirs for spring break. Um, WHAT? They are less than 3 hours from me, and I only found out about it by chance! I get the feeling that she was just not going to tell me about it, or else she would have before the trip.

    I would have loved to go up there for the day, or we could have met halfway in Daytona or something for a few hours one day, or something! I can't help but feel hurt. Very hurt. There's no WAY I'd travel so close to them up north and not let them know and see if a get-together were feasible! I don't get it. At all.

    Like I said, I understand that it's her time, her vacation, it's not about me, and it's none of my business. But geez. It hurts.
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yeah, that is hurtful, for sure. From her perspective, it may just have been difficult to divvy up her time there to see everyone she wanted and family came first? I know it doesn't take away the hurt you feel, but my gut is telling me her decision was not intended to hurt you. In fact, but keeping it on the DL, she may have been trying to spare your feelings by not letting you know just how close she would be to your home and still not be able to meet up for a day.

    Try not to let this blow up, but I don't see anything wrong in asking her about it. Maybe drop her an email or text and say, "Hey I noticed you guys will be in Jacksonville-that's not far from me. Are we going to meet up for a visit??" and see what she has to say.

    I will admit that when I go to LI I often keep it on the DL so my brother's family doesn't find out. I don't always have time to visit everyone I would like to so I don't broadcast it.

    Hugs, sorry for your hurt feelings.
  3. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    There's only two relatives there (the cousin and his wife), they're staying at their house, and the wife is even out of town! So the divvying up time is not a factor. I just really don't get it, but whatever.
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Greenrene, first off, {{{HUGS}}}. I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt. It's not a nice feeling at all.

    As for your friend's trip to FL, you will never know the reason for her behaviour unless you talk to her about it. Just my opinion, but a good friend should be able to be up front with you. If she needed a week to just hide and not interact with anyone while her family takes care of her children for her, then she should tell you rather than setting up expectations and then disappointing you by not following through.

    If you feel that your friendship can weather this without delving deeper, then you may want to just let it go. But, it might not be a bad idea to just talk to her casually. Keep it light, as H&R suggested, and try not to come across as needy, but ask her.