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Substance Abuse
hurting, advice please
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 623637" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Shiela, I am so sorry you are at this crossroads. It is so hard and so painful, I know because I have been there and today, I am there once again.</p><p></p><p>I have worked very hard on myself and to develop a much healthier way of thinking over the past several years and particularly over the past several months. I have literally "reformatted" the way I think and act.</p><p></p><p>It can be done with a lot of hard work. You don't have to continue to be as miserable as you and husband are today, whether or not your son changes or stays the same.</p><p></p><p>When I first heard that, I said Never! I can't be truly happy when my own son's life is in the toilet.</p><p></p><p>But I was wrong Shiela. If you start working on yourself, taking advantage of all of the tools available, you will see your feelings, your thinking and your life start to change. </p><p></p><p>Some possible tools:</p><p></p><p>1. AlAnon or NarAnon or any 12-step program that is for families of the affected person. Go to meetings, buy the literature, get a sponsor, work the program. Find out what that means---to work the program---and start doing it.</p><p>2. Take care of yourself. Make yourself as important as your son is. Because you are. Do one nice thing for yourself every single day. The more compassion and kindness and love we show to ourselves, the more we can show to other people. And giving and serving others is one of the most healing tools of all.</p><p>3. Write down your feelings and your thoughts. You can write them here or in a journal or in AlAnon workbooks. But write them down.</p><p>4. Read books about better ways of thinking: Codependent No More, Boundaries, AlAnon Literature, Pema Chodron, When the Servant Becomes the Master, Simple Abundance. There are many good books.</p><p>5. Write a gratitude list every day. Take five minutes in the morning and write down 5 things you are grateful for today. It will truly transform you---just that one simple thing.</p><p>6. Saying the Serenity Prayer. Over and over again. </p><p></p><p>You can rebuild your life and you deserve that. We just can't change anybody else. God hasn't given us that Power. We can only change ourselves, no matter how much we want to change our children. And I get it, we want it more than anything. It's time for that to stop. THEY have to want it more than anything. WE have to want our own lives to be healthy more than anything. Once we change the focus from them to us, that is a very good first day and first step on the path to a more serene, happy and contented life. </p><p></p><p>Blessings and hugs to you today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 623637, member: 17542"] Shiela, I am so sorry you are at this crossroads. It is so hard and so painful, I know because I have been there and today, I am there once again. I have worked very hard on myself and to develop a much healthier way of thinking over the past several years and particularly over the past several months. I have literally "reformatted" the way I think and act. It can be done with a lot of hard work. You don't have to continue to be as miserable as you and husband are today, whether or not your son changes or stays the same. When I first heard that, I said Never! I can't be truly happy when my own son's life is in the toilet. But I was wrong Shiela. If you start working on yourself, taking advantage of all of the tools available, you will see your feelings, your thinking and your life start to change. Some possible tools: 1. AlAnon or NarAnon or any 12-step program that is for families of the affected person. Go to meetings, buy the literature, get a sponsor, work the program. Find out what that means---to work the program---and start doing it. 2. Take care of yourself. Make yourself as important as your son is. Because you are. Do one nice thing for yourself every single day. The more compassion and kindness and love we show to ourselves, the more we can show to other people. And giving and serving others is one of the most healing tools of all. 3. Write down your feelings and your thoughts. You can write them here or in a journal or in AlAnon workbooks. But write them down. 4. Read books about better ways of thinking: Codependent No More, Boundaries, AlAnon Literature, Pema Chodron, When the Servant Becomes the Master, Simple Abundance. There are many good books. 5. Write a gratitude list every day. Take five minutes in the morning and write down 5 things you are grateful for today. It will truly transform you---just that one simple thing. 6. Saying the Serenity Prayer. Over and over again. You can rebuild your life and you deserve that. We just can't change anybody else. God hasn't given us that Power. We can only change ourselves, no matter how much we want to change our children. And I get it, we want it more than anything. It's time for that to stop. THEY have to want it more than anything. WE have to want our own lives to be healthy more than anything. Once we change the focus from them to us, that is a very good first day and first step on the path to a more serene, happy and contented life. Blessings and hugs to you today. [/QUOTE]
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