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Hurting other kids-- It Happened Again!
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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 56089" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>Ella,</p><p></p><p>I can hear your pain and frustration through your words. Like jannie and stressed out, supervision was the key for my difficult child. Jannie described it well in regards to sitting on the edge of the pool or being right there in the water.</p><p></p><p>For me, when difficult child was younger, I always sat on the edge of my seat. Other moms would sit back and talk, but I had my hawk eyes on difficult child and could "move in" within a second's notice! It's not fun, it's not relaxing, and sometimes you feel it's just plain not fair, but it is necessary to avoid situations as you described.</p><p></p><p>Additionally, it enables you to really see how difficult child is reacting. And I truly feel that is the key - reacting not acting. He is reacting to stimuli that a "typical" could would brush off. Exactly as my difficult child would do.</p><p></p><p>I also agree with SRL in regards to consequences. Our rule, when difficult child is at school and does something wrong and gets punished, great, school handled it and we don't repunish at home - though we will discuss it. If he crosses that magic line - which for our home is invading another's personal space with your body or using any part of your body to touch them in anger or frustration - it's bye-bye favorites. Anything that has an on switch (gameboy, tv, computer) is out. The length of time depends on the severity of the crime. Just as in real life.</p><p></p><p>I will tell you that I had a very frustrated little boy in third grade with numerous loss of privilages. But with intervention, consequences, talk therapy (which helped him recognize when his frustration was building and what he could do about it), the right medications, and lots and lots of hard work on his part (especially as he was getting older and being "in" socially was starting to mean something) we saw drastic improvement.</p><p></p><p>I thing maturing brought some control as well.</p><p></p><p>I don't think you should "fear" that there is something else terribly wrong with difficult child (although there could be comorbid diagnosis). This type of acting out/anger towards others, can go hand in hand with a highly impulsive kid (my difficult child's diagnosis was adhd-highly impulisive type). They react before they think it through. Afterwards, they know they were wrong, they know they acted inappropriately and they show remorse. That's a good thing. Kids that don't show remorse are another thing altogether.</p><p></p><p>Speak to the doctor about what has been going on and see what he/she suggests. Constantly, in a loving way, talk to your son about the appropriateness/inappropriateness of his actions. Role model frustrating situations so he has some options other than physical. Set forward clear expectations and even clearer consequences for the violent actions. Make sure he knows ahead of time what his punishment is going to be. </p><p></p><p>And most importantly, make sure he knows how much you love him. It's really tough for these little boys who are always hearing "no", who are always getting in trouble for their impulsivity, who are always hearing "stop it", "cut it out", "bad". Make sure, not matter how tough the day or how wrong his behavior, that he knows before he closes his eyes that mom loves him and is glad that he is her son. It goes a really, really, really long way. I speak from personal experience.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 56089, member: 805"] Ella, I can hear your pain and frustration through your words. Like jannie and stressed out, supervision was the key for my difficult child. Jannie described it well in regards to sitting on the edge of the pool or being right there in the water. For me, when difficult child was younger, I always sat on the edge of my seat. Other moms would sit back and talk, but I had my hawk eyes on difficult child and could "move in" within a second's notice! It's not fun, it's not relaxing, and sometimes you feel it's just plain not fair, but it is necessary to avoid situations as you described. Additionally, it enables you to really see how difficult child is reacting. And I truly feel that is the key - reacting not acting. He is reacting to stimuli that a "typical" could would brush off. Exactly as my difficult child would do. I also agree with SRL in regards to consequences. Our rule, when difficult child is at school and does something wrong and gets punished, great, school handled it and we don't repunish at home - though we will discuss it. If he crosses that magic line - which for our home is invading another's personal space with your body or using any part of your body to touch them in anger or frustration - it's bye-bye favorites. Anything that has an on switch (gameboy, tv, computer) is out. The length of time depends on the severity of the crime. Just as in real life. I will tell you that I had a very frustrated little boy in third grade with numerous loss of privilages. But with intervention, consequences, talk therapy (which helped him recognize when his frustration was building and what he could do about it), the right medications, and lots and lots of hard work on his part (especially as he was getting older and being "in" socially was starting to mean something) we saw drastic improvement. I thing maturing brought some control as well. I don't think you should "fear" that there is something else terribly wrong with difficult child (although there could be comorbid diagnosis). This type of acting out/anger towards others, can go hand in hand with a highly impulsive kid (my difficult child's diagnosis was adhd-highly impulisive type). They react before they think it through. Afterwards, they know they were wrong, they know they acted inappropriately and they show remorse. That's a good thing. Kids that don't show remorse are another thing altogether. Speak to the doctor about what has been going on and see what he/she suggests. Constantly, in a loving way, talk to your son about the appropriateness/inappropriateness of his actions. Role model frustrating situations so he has some options other than physical. Set forward clear expectations and even clearer consequences for the violent actions. Make sure he knows ahead of time what his punishment is going to be. And most importantly, make sure he knows how much you love him. It's really tough for these little boys who are always hearing "no", who are always getting in trouble for their impulsivity, who are always hearing "stop it", "cut it out", "bad". Make sure, not matter how tough the day or how wrong his behavior, that he knows before he closes his eyes that mom loves him and is glad that he is her son. It goes a really, really, really long way. I speak from personal experience. Hugs, sharon [/QUOTE]
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