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General Parenting
Hurting other kids-- It Happened Again!
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<blockquote data-quote="jannie" data-source="post: 56103" data-attributes="member: 2074"><p>Sharon had it right when she said.....</p><p></p><p>"I will tell you that I had a very frustrated little boy in third grade with numerous loss of privilages. But with intervention, consequences, talk therapy (which helped him recognize when his frustration was building and what he could do about it), the right medications, and lots and lots of hard work on his part (especially as he was getting older and being "in" socially was starting to mean something) we saw drastic improvement.</p><p>I thing maturing brought some control as well."</p><p></p><p>There is no quick fix...your concerns are the exact concerns so many of us came here. My earlier post was written in past tense...don't kids yourself for a moment that I'm not with him all the time...maybe now I'm with him 85% of the time as opposed to 100%...and I mean 85% of the time total in your face close supervision...</p><p></p><p>As far as safety and hurting others this can't happen. Now that he's a bit older he better handles his consequences, but he does have them. I know the purpose of consequences is to prevent behaviors from occuring again, and I know that the consequences don't work, but eventually they will. I can't let my child hurt someone and not give him a consequence. I'm careful about the consequences I choose because I know unfortunately the behavior will occur and again...and before I know it my children would be in there rooms and grounded forever.</p><p></p><p>It was after my child over reacted and threw a rock at a car in anger and scared the heck out of the neighbors with his anger that we stepped up the therapy. We enrolled him in an intenstive outpatient/(partial hospitalization)therapy 2 1/2 hours a day after school three days a week for eight weeks. During this time they discussed anger management in detail--they talked about what anger looks like, how it feels what happens, etc. They talked about the fact they he was in this therapy because he wasn't showing enough self-control when he was faced with frustrating situations. We changed medications...</p><p></p><p>Even though our kids don't have the control we do need to try and stop this behavior...These kids need to learn to manage better...</p><p></p><p>Now I'm on a rant...and Ella it's not about you..it's about the frustration of raising a difficult child. Just this past two weeks we had two "accidents" with other kids....everyone one having waterfights...everyone was having fun...we were on our last refill of the game...difficult child got nailed...he got pissed he threw his heavy water gun "up in the air" towards our neighbor because he was angry "not meaning to hit the neighbor" but DID...she was crying and screaming (ANOTHER NIGHTMATRE ISSUE WITH OUR NEIGHBORS) difficult child handled it pretty well--he came right in--he apologized--he stayed in his room for one hour--he wasn't allowed to play outside for two days--it was an impulsive decision--he was frustrated that he was losing--but he lost self-control. He could have seriously hurt this girl.....I'm glad he took his consequences well--I'm glad he realized he messed up--but still a bad choice...and a few days later he was upset again and threw a stick at someone..again in the house this time for a few hours...even though the kids have problems...they will lose all of their friends or never get any if they can self-regulate...this is awful as a parent and person..I want a life and I want my kids to have lives.... but as Sharon said...</p><p></p><p>But with intervention, consequences, talk therapy (which helped him recognize when his frustration was building and what he could do about it), the right medications, and lots and lots of hard work on his part (especially as he was getting older and being "in" socially was starting to mean something) we saw drastic improvement. I thing maturing brought some control as well."</p><p></p><p>We're all trying to do what is best for our kids. Ella-it sounds like you are doing all you can--don't give up...talk with your doctor..keep using your strategies....hang in there..we're all here to support you and each other</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jannie, post: 56103, member: 2074"] Sharon had it right when she said..... "I will tell you that I had a very frustrated little boy in third grade with numerous loss of privilages. But with intervention, consequences, talk therapy (which helped him recognize when his frustration was building and what he could do about it), the right medications, and lots and lots of hard work on his part (especially as he was getting older and being "in" socially was starting to mean something) we saw drastic improvement. I thing maturing brought some control as well." There is no quick fix...your concerns are the exact concerns so many of us came here. My earlier post was written in past tense...don't kids yourself for a moment that I'm not with him all the time...maybe now I'm with him 85% of the time as opposed to 100%...and I mean 85% of the time total in your face close supervision... As far as safety and hurting others this can't happen. Now that he's a bit older he better handles his consequences, but he does have them. I know the purpose of consequences is to prevent behaviors from occuring again, and I know that the consequences don't work, but eventually they will. I can't let my child hurt someone and not give him a consequence. I'm careful about the consequences I choose because I know unfortunately the behavior will occur and again...and before I know it my children would be in there rooms and grounded forever. It was after my child over reacted and threw a rock at a car in anger and scared the heck out of the neighbors with his anger that we stepped up the therapy. We enrolled him in an intenstive outpatient/(partial hospitalization)therapy 2 1/2 hours a day after school three days a week for eight weeks. During this time they discussed anger management in detail--they talked about what anger looks like, how it feels what happens, etc. They talked about the fact they he was in this therapy because he wasn't showing enough self-control when he was faced with frustrating situations. We changed medications... Even though our kids don't have the control we do need to try and stop this behavior...These kids need to learn to manage better... Now I'm on a rant...and Ella it's not about you..it's about the frustration of raising a difficult child. Just this past two weeks we had two "accidents" with other kids....everyone one having waterfights...everyone was having fun...we were on our last refill of the game...difficult child got nailed...he got pissed he threw his heavy water gun "up in the air" towards our neighbor because he was angry "not meaning to hit the neighbor" but DID...she was crying and screaming (ANOTHER NIGHTMATRE ISSUE WITH OUR NEIGHBORS) difficult child handled it pretty well--he came right in--he apologized--he stayed in his room for one hour--he wasn't allowed to play outside for two days--it was an impulsive decision--he was frustrated that he was losing--but he lost self-control. He could have seriously hurt this girl.....I'm glad he took his consequences well--I'm glad he realized he messed up--but still a bad choice...and a few days later he was upset again and threw a stick at someone..again in the house this time for a few hours...even though the kids have problems...they will lose all of their friends or never get any if they can self-regulate...this is awful as a parent and person..I want a life and I want my kids to have lives.... but as Sharon said... But with intervention, consequences, talk therapy (which helped him recognize when his frustration was building and what he could do about it), the right medications, and lots and lots of hard work on his part (especially as he was getting older and being "in" socially was starting to mean something) we saw drastic improvement. I thing maturing brought some control as well." We're all trying to do what is best for our kids. Ella-it sounds like you are doing all you can--don't give up...talk with your doctor..keep using your strategies....hang in there..we're all here to support you and each other [/QUOTE]
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