Hurting Self-

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Feb 17, 2015.

  1. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    So by biting himself ,hitting himself ,slamming the door on his arm, etc is this part of "bipolar" or what disorder?? Oh add what a great morning - started great hes laughing then dad mentioned 7-eleven to bribe him to get him and I had him under control I thought before that. Then son started with his attitude with the above saying, making a fist at my dad, throwing over a box and hitting me in my back with all the names to go with it. Its funny-not funny but a saying that I keep hearing Conduct Disorder/Explosive disorder and mood stabilizer medications by doctors but yet- NO ONE DOES ANYTHING!!!!!! Blah!!!!!!!!!

    Pray he goes to school- one more hour must go by quick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I know that you do not want to hear this, but I am going to say it anyway. If your son is hurting himself, you need to call for an emergency mental health assessment. It may result in him being hospitalized. Having a diagnoses is not going to fix your child. Good luck. I know it is hard and I wish none of us had to go through this.
  3. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I know, Im calling doctors as we speak.
  4. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    My son is worse that Im with gpa a lot and wants to stay to home.. Im realizing what you all have said. This is effecting them even worse. Im on the phone with Aunt now and telling her I cant do more care then 4 hrs a day for her dad my kids need me, she said fine. So , here starts the dominoes and Im looking hard at jobs and other places to live in case.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    We are pulling for you. Hang in there!
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    You need to call 911 and explain that he is hurting himself and that he ha a mental illness. They will send someone out to do an assessment and to transport him if necessary. Calling dr.'s offices will not get the job done. You came to this board for support and for help. You have got to quit spinning your wheels before it gets to the point of no return.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Confused-What did the doctors say when you called today? This is such an unstable situation and I do know what that feels like. Please keep calling the doctor every time he gets violent to himself or others. I'm really shocked that he isn't on any mood stabilizers. I hope the doctors are listening! I agree also with calling 911 if need be.
  8. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    They said make an appointment to come and we will talk about it- well that was his usual pediatrician,Neurologist said got to find a Dr that can prescribe the Mood stabilizer with therapy. At least he cares! So sons birthday is next month and his well checkup and I will be getting more referrals they claim. But Im seeing for a faster appointment for the referrals! So thats why I asked about nanny cams so I can show how he is, seeing a camcorder he doesnt always "relax" around them. So, we shall see. Thanks

    Dont forget when he had that Neruo evaluation, he suggested them.. so, just finding a Dr to work with him, I pray after my calls - the calls I get back will be good news!
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    One day, you are going to look at where your son is at, wherever he lands, and shake your head and regret that you often put your grandfather's needs ahead of him. He shouldn't have to deal with grandpa, Dad, Sis or the whole crew. He is taking a back seat to a man who should be in assisted living and will not live long. But your son has his whole life ahead of him and it's not looking good so far. Your kids need all your attention or you are going to be very regretful one day.

    Please get your son to a neuropsychologist. Not a neurologist...that won't help. Your pediatrician can't help. Get him to a neruopsych. Get him there before he gets a diagnosis of Conduct Disorder which is not treatable and often leads to adult antisocial personality disorder, criminality and prison. Let people without kids fret over your older relatives. Your kids are not doing well and they can't give up so much time of yours to your other family members. They need a well rested, healthy mother. Do you see why this is? Do you see that your priority is grandpa? The kids should never take a back seat to anyone. They are minor children in danger of having bad lives. Do you understand? I'm not trying to be mean, but it does get frustrating. Nothing changes. It should. You are too good a person for this. And your kids need you.

    The older and abusive members of your family are holding you back from having the time or energy to focus your full attention on your kids...and your own needs. You want to be able to say, no matter what happens with your kids when they grow up, "I did everything I could for them" not that "Well, I was too busy worrying about grandpa."
  10. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I know thats why Im spending even more time with kids again. This morning wasn't to bad with him, he is still edgy and you never know what will set him off but I acted like a 5 yr old making everything a competition to get ready and he did ok overall! ( yes I have done this before-but for other times we say in a loving voice ok time to get ready and hed still blow) He did bite his knee twice because I moved his plate off the floor where I tripped( I didn't see it- didn't expect it there) and I didnt do something fast enough. Im trying to teach my dad and grandpa that even though my son needs to learn how to handle people talking around him, to him, etc, that first thing in the morning is a no go unless son talks to them first. One of sons triggers. Of course one trigger may not bother him the next day!

    Ok the meeting with the principal and teacher went ok. They will not let him watch a movie or audio book and do the book report, nor does he have more time. They say he wont develop reading properly without the book, I agree about reading I wasnt saying to stop it, just tweak it and still work on it little by little. But the teacher will keep him after school daily to do his H.W. with her. As far as his medications the principal is going to see if they can distribute them to him- but I reminded her they wouldn't let my son even have a breathing treatment without me there!So plan b is when we take him in, we go to the office and someone in the front office will be there with me to watch him take his medications. Well, its a start! Hes failing 3 courses, ( mainly the reading/english and lengthy writing projects) and we brought up why he doesnt want he adhd medications and the side effects. The violence and again, "well, hes perfect here, he listens to us.". uggh!!!!!!!! So my dad showed them the bathroom door he broke, mentioned him biting himself and teacher said she noticed the marks/bruising.He told her the dogs bruised him, well, they did get rough and bruise him but the rest are from himself. I need a nanny cam to record him biting himself etc so ordering that in the morning. I couldnt decide which one was a rip off as one had bad reviews but, by testers claim its good. Confusing! Son has lost 3 books now, well, one may be my fault when I was cleaning I may have mixed them with daughters, so Im going to look in a few. The P.E. issue of him changing, they wont bend either. But, son will have to learn sometimes he has to push him self just a little more, not asking a lot!
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is only my opinion.

    We've been telling you the same thing over and over again in different ways, but it's getting critical.

    You should not listen to either teachers, who are educators and know nothing about psychiatry, or your dad, grandpa and otehr family members to help your kids get better. They need 100% of your attention. The rest of your family knows nothing about how to help them and doesn't care. The very selfish elders want you to help them. The sooner you give your kids 100% of your time, when you aren't giving time to yourself, the more you can focus on them and try to helpt hem before they turn eighteen. Grandpa, Dad and Sis are stealing time away from your kids. And you are allowing it.

    Teachers are not going to cooperate with you. I actually think homeschooling in an unschooling way (look it up) would really be good for son and daughter. Kind of like the poster who moved to a farm. YOu don't have to move to a farm, but you need to move away soon or your kids will not get help. And you will not know how to let go of enabling them at eighteen because you are used to being abused and even comfortable with it. You expect your son to learn in a conventional school setting and he can't. Nor can your daughter. These are facts. You can't change them. You've tried.

    The kids need a neuropsychological evaluation...not calls to the pediatrician or the neurologist. You need to contact your school advocate through the Dept. of Public Education and if you don't it is partly on your shoulders that the school will not help you. You have been told that they will not help you without outside help, and an advocate costs nothing...just a phone call and a visit. If you refuse to do this and refuse to contact outsiders who will help you, you won't get help and your kids will not get help or change and you will not get help or change. If you continue to live where you do and refuse to call social services or the cops (who can be helpful) or see a neuropsychologist or even call the dept. of public education to get an advocate to sit in with you on your IEP school meetings, you aren't doing what most of us do to try to help our kids. It is negligent. It is not purposely malicious, but if you don't do all you can, it is neglectful. You must do all you can or you have not loved your children the way they need it. Yes, you loved them, but they need to get help so they can function in life and you won't reach out to those who have the power to help. Your own fear should not stop you from helping your children. It's not fair to them.

    You need to walk away from this circus you force your kids to live in. It never changes.

    There's this old saying "The more things change, the more things stay the same."

    If you allow your life to continue as it is, nothing good will come of it for any of you, even grandpa. He needs the kind of help you can't give him. Dad too. Your kdis are the ones who need you. Just them. Other services can be arranged for the elders and they can do it themselves or somebody else can do it.

    Each day you live is a repeat of the one before and sounds like you get little to no pleasure and constant pressure from everyone around you. Get out, get out, get out. Do what the farm lady did and leave and try and help your kids who have different wiring learn in a different way. What good will reading do your son if he is in prison?

    I hope you know we care, but it does get hard to see your struggling without any changes taking place and with your refusal to seek out help. We are trying, but you can lead a horse to water...can't make him drink it. I feel like that's where your life is. You know where the water is, but you won't drink it. So it's the same horrible day every day and will continue to be.

    What would you really like from us? Just to listen? Not to give advice? We don't have to. It does not seem you want to take anyone's advice...

    Hugs. You are a good person, but you don't move on even when you know you should. Knowing's not enough. You have to do it. You can. Anyone can. Won't be easy, but you can. Many of us have.
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2015
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    If I knew where you lived at this point, and with all you have said goes on at your house with these kids, I would be calling child protective services and report the neglect. I wish you well. I feel sorry for your kids. You are an adult and if you choose to be abused that's on you. The kids don't deserve this.
  13. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Ok I have been saying over and over that right now I have decided to only give 4 hrs a day to grandpa, ( while kids are sleeping or in school so Im not missed)which Im still looking for out of town jobs, then it will be 0 hrs!!! . Again, they have been to an Neuropysclogical evaluation who had the rules in and outs and probables. Going to get another evaluation from another neuropsychologist

    Daughter IS home schooled at KEYSTONE and I cant handle son at home nor do I have anyone to care for him at home when I do work to be home schooled. When I move, I no longer have tuition money son will be enrolled in public school or other program that the new area/city has/ for 4th grade and they said they will test him for any learning disabilities as well. I am taking him to a public school even if I had the money there to pay. I have found some excellent public school with special eds etc, along with pYSC doctors ETC. I have looked /called at shelters in those areas along with job possibilities. Have also looked/called at in treatment hospitals if needed and other programs here and there. I dont know where you all think Im not trying to get help or get out of this situation? It takes time I cant just walk out the door and sleep on the streets. ( yes homeless shelter, I understand that am looking to) I am looking around and whats wrong with still getting son help temp measures meanwhile is better then none until he walks into is appointment that I cant make any sooner. The public school system here is nothing but a joke as I and other lived through it and even so I have called them.

    The only thing I haven't done is call the cops on my son while getting violent because no, I just dont want or need to use that "option" at this second. I was excited that the meeting went ok, it could of been worse and I never said I was stopping there. I never said I didnt or wasnt going to take your alls advice. Now I feel like listing the names and phone numbers of the people I have spoken to even as of yesterday with all the same and new info I have received for HELP for my kids and me. I am packing ready for a move , I am applying at mental care centers for kids and such in other states I told you I was looking around for out of town jobs. Im not neglecting my kids and one day I get encouragement and that you all see I love my kids, what steps to take next, I take them but its just not going fast enough I cant help that. This is the fastest its moved in the last two years, daughter has happened more quickly ( less then 7 months) because her symptoms and homeschool as been easier per say for other professional to start to help. Son is various diagnose - then another says no. I was excited to tell you all some progress of my son, things I realized too besides you all telling me other things. Waiting to hear some good news at new doctors in a new state, so I didnt want to jinx myself because everytime I say something the something folds.

    I have came here too much your right. Im sorry. Take care all and I will continue to NOT be neglecting my kids and I will continue to help them and when I am and will get my kids to where they need to be, I will say to myeslf that although I have struggled as they have we finally are running smooth because I never gave up nor was I ever planning to.

    Thanks for all your alls help and thoughts and shares.
  14. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Ok Im getting really upset here that all of sudden yo u all think im neglecting my kids.. I never was and am not. Temp I was at gpas a lot but I havent been like that, butthey were still taken care of. YOu know what Im so offended now.

    Im on the phone with the cops now. Im going in to talk to them and they have informed me that Im not neglecting my kids but do need to keep taking them to doctors and keep school weather homeschool/ school.

    fyi I couldnt keep typing the rest of what was going on after the meeting who else I called( yes cops being one of them) because of my computer wire.
  15. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I know how people feel about child protective services, but they can be a great ally in getting services pronto. When my son was at his worst the neighbors called the cops and cps. I am so glad they did. my son got services that I would never have been able to access. I am aware of the negative stuff, but my son and I needed that intervention. Abuse and neglect were never the issue. My son's behavior was.
  16. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    You can also contact cps yourself and get the ball rolling.
  17. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Without engaging outside help, nothing will change. Four hours is A LOT to give to grandpa in my opinion.

    Your pace is very slow so nothing has changed.

    That's really all I have to say. I hope you stick around at least to read what others are doing. Many of us have had great success. These moms here know what they are doing and saying. they want to help you. If you get a job, you can get a place to live. It doesn't have to be pretty or a house. It just has to be the three of you and you need a healthy distance from Grandpa and co.

    Asking CPS for help is a good option. Your son is not controllable. He needs help and you can't afford the kind of help he needs. CPS has it.
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2015
  18. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    fyi- I am letting poa aunt and gpa know I will be there NO HOURS. I know Im guilty of nothing so I have already called cops as they are reviewing everything as we speak. I am packing as I said preparing and just told you all the great news "I am taking him to a public school even if I had the money there to pay. I have found some excellent public school with special eds etc, along with pYSC doctors ETC. I have looked /called at shelters in those areas along with job possibilities. Have also looked/called at in treatment hospitals if needed and other programs here and there. I dont know where you all think Im not trying to get help or get out of this situation" I just needed a few weeks school fix meanwhile until son was places in another school or center. I told you all Im working on it and been on the phone just didnt want to say yes they accepted him/ me until I hear those words is all.

    I will also being staying in a motel with two bedrooms once for each kid until I get another place, if you all think this is a good idea? Or with an old friend of mine, girls in one room, boys in another, I have couch. As the cops just said as long they have a roof over their heads either there or my current house is fine....There is no abuse here and its safe here but it seems to make you all upset I havent moved out quicker ( yes maybe I should of I agree~~) Kids got on the phone and told them they didnt want to move yet they are ok here but still going IN PERSON to see what they say. They do not feel my kids are in danger or being neglected but as he said it does sound as if son has anger issues and daughter asberger ( I described ) and am showing them threads when I go as well as the neuro evaluation

    Again, already said Im calling the services and after I get a written statement from them I will post then if the mods let me. ---

    Ok, heading out the door to speak with them in person now, not just on phone.

    Good luck to all and take care
  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have a differing opinion about public schools. One, even though I am a teacher I could never have home schooled my own son. It wouldn't have been a good idea to be with him 24/7 especially with the violence. Other than one school year my son had great case managers for his ieps. The public schools have done very well by him. I do recommend getting an advocate because ieps can be difficult to navigate.

    Confused-are you mainly helping grandpa when the kids are at school? I truly do not believe you are neglecting your kids. You are right that things often move slowly as changes take time.

    I also understand your reluctance to call the police when he is violent. I always worried as well about getting the police involved especially when he is so young (I think it is fine that others have called the police but, in the end, you need to be the judge of what is right for your family). We finally got to the point where difficult child knew it would happen but right at that time (he was 13 at that time) we were lucky enough to find a medication that helped with the violence.

    I hope you stick around.People here do care about you. Sending some gentle hugs your way.
  20. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Thank you, for my situation, home school for son wouldn't work either, even if he wasnt violent, hes young and I need to work. I knew that when we leave town he would be in public Special Education- for fourth grade I was going to leave in June. just needed something temp to help him not get any more 0s so he would make it to the fourth. Glad your IEPS worked sorry it didnt that one year -that it wasnt the best.

    Gpa was day then most day and night which my kids were with me unless they wanted to stay home their choice. And no its hasnt been that way for years, less then a year. Usually daughter stayed home. But I have gone down ( while back)to 8 est hours in a 24 hr period, then less, now none! I told him call his old caretaker period- he did. If son or daughter needed me or was having issues I was here and made gpa wait. Now thats out of the way, I still am continuing on my kids n me. We shall see what the lady or man tells us in the am.

    Glad the medications helped your son, I will be there too soon with therapy for

    I have love for you all even those who are not agreeing with me, and do thank you all.Well , either way, I am proud of my son lastnight studying his math, he didnt want to and did it. I thought that was good, just as the night before he finished almost all his h.w. Im thinking its a good start! I should of told you all my plans but again I jinx myself!! I tell you all almost everything well, ya all, but I thought it be a nice surprise to tell you what else has been going on! Well, so much for that but we are getting outside help, been that way long time now - Just needing the right medications and diag, almost there I know it. On that note, I think I lost a pound but, thats my personal joy too.Anyways I wont keep updating here. Wish you all luck and Im going to bed its late.. be up in a few hours to see if any jobs replied back!