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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 24207" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I've adopted six kids, three from foster care. Two are gone. One who is gone was a good kid in a bad situation. The bad situation was the other one we adopted almost at the same exact time. We were told by foster mom, social worker, and a psychiatrist that the elevin year old boy that we adopted was a really good-hearted kid who just had cognitive delays. I don't think they knew otherwise. Two years later we found out he had sexually abused all of his younger siblings, and had done so in other homes too (his foster mom was appalled because she had day care kids and, in five years, he was such a good sneak, and scared the other kids so badly, that nobody told her and she'd never have guessed). He fooled us too. I don't think you can expect an older foster child not to have serious issues. He could have anything from bonding problems to fetal alcohol issues to bipolar disorder to a form of high functioning autism and you don't know WHAT he has been through before you got him. One thing I learned is never take any child profile at face value. And we learned the hard way. The elevin year old was removed quickly, the day we finally found out what he had done. He was too damaged by life by the time we got him and we couldn't help him, and the other kids were terrified of him. He didn't remember having been sexually abused, but obviously he had. Your child's ex foster mom didn't tell you anything to get the child out of the house. As a former foster mother, you can request to have a child removed at any time, and nobody can make you keep that child. She maybe just wanted a good home for her. Also, maybe the idea of a perm. family freaked out your child. I strongly recommend a complete, total, intensive NeuroPsychological and psychiatric evaluation. You may never know the whole picture, but that's the best you can do. He needs serious professional evaluations and he may need medication. If you have any knowledge of his birthparents, take a hard look. That will tell you a lot. If he was exposed to drugs in utero that alone can cause problems. My one son we still have in our home whom we adopted from foster care was very lucky. Although he was born with crack in his system, he is a very good-natured kids and never had to live with him b-mom. He had one foster home before ours and was bonded and came to us a happy kid, although he has a form of autism (probably due to the drugs in utero). Don't think you can do this yourself or that tough parenting alone is enough and lower your expectations. This child may be incapable of loving you or anybody. Just a guess. I'd run out and get this kid tested by the best neuropsychologist and Child psychiatrist around. I wouldn't settle for a therapist or even a regular psycologist. That didn't do any good in trying to evaluate our foster child that we adopted. As you can see in my signature, we have adopted kids in every way possible. It's easiest, in my opinion, when the child comes very young.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 24207, member: 1550"] I've adopted six kids, three from foster care. Two are gone. One who is gone was a good kid in a bad situation. The bad situation was the other one we adopted almost at the same exact time. We were told by foster mom, social worker, and a psychiatrist that the elevin year old boy that we adopted was a really good-hearted kid who just had cognitive delays. I don't think they knew otherwise. Two years later we found out he had sexually abused all of his younger siblings, and had done so in other homes too (his foster mom was appalled because she had day care kids and, in five years, he was such a good sneak, and scared the other kids so badly, that nobody told her and she'd never have guessed). He fooled us too. I don't think you can expect an older foster child not to have serious issues. He could have anything from bonding problems to fetal alcohol issues to bipolar disorder to a form of high functioning autism and you don't know WHAT he has been through before you got him. One thing I learned is never take any child profile at face value. And we learned the hard way. The elevin year old was removed quickly, the day we finally found out what he had done. He was too damaged by life by the time we got him and we couldn't help him, and the other kids were terrified of him. He didn't remember having been sexually abused, but obviously he had. Your child's ex foster mom didn't tell you anything to get the child out of the house. As a former foster mother, you can request to have a child removed at any time, and nobody can make you keep that child. She maybe just wanted a good home for her. Also, maybe the idea of a perm. family freaked out your child. I strongly recommend a complete, total, intensive NeuroPsychological and psychiatric evaluation. You may never know the whole picture, but that's the best you can do. He needs serious professional evaluations and he may need medication. If you have any knowledge of his birthparents, take a hard look. That will tell you a lot. If he was exposed to drugs in utero that alone can cause problems. My one son we still have in our home whom we adopted from foster care was very lucky. Although he was born with crack in his system, he is a very good-natured kids and never had to live with him b-mom. He had one foster home before ours and was bonded and came to us a happy kid, although he has a form of autism (probably due to the drugs in utero). Don't think you can do this yourself or that tough parenting alone is enough and lower your expectations. This child may be incapable of loving you or anybody. Just a guess. I'd run out and get this kid tested by the best neuropsychologist and Child psychiatrist around. I wouldn't settle for a therapist or even a regular psycologist. That didn't do any good in trying to evaluate our foster child that we adopted. As you can see in my signature, we have adopted kids in every way possible. It's easiest, in my opinion, when the child comes very young. [/QUOTE]
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