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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 24301" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>I just want to chime in and applaud your efforts...I greatly admire the path that you are taking, one that deserves more accolades than the foster system allows. My only advice is to continue to hang tough (I know easier said than done).</p><p></p><p>My guess is that your difficult child is sure that no one is ever going to love him, and he is trying to push the 2 of you away until you leave, like everyone else has in his life. If, over time, you can consistently let him know that you will never leave him, and love him no matter what, I really think some of the behaviors will decrease. Not all, of course, because some are neurological it would seem.........but the consistency in your unconditional love will do wonders. My son, still has not had an effective counselor, and we have seen at least a 2 dozen in his life, so I do not put a lot of merit in counseling per se....but I do put a lot of merit in consistent love, medications, structure, and working with a psychiatrist that really gets what that child needs. </p><p></p><p>I also would not allow any contact with the gparents, if possible. He has obviously been traumatized by them, even though it has not been documented or verbalized in detail - his actions show that their presence is traumatizing. My son did this with his bio dad....every time he saw him he freaked out for weeks at a time until finally I refused for them to have visitation.</p><p></p><p>Again, I applaud all you are doing.....I hope you are able to hang in there with it - our world needs more foster parents that are willing to take the risk on the more "unlovable kids".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 24301, member: 3301"] I just want to chime in and applaud your efforts...I greatly admire the path that you are taking, one that deserves more accolades than the foster system allows. My only advice is to continue to hang tough (I know easier said than done). My guess is that your difficult child is sure that no one is ever going to love him, and he is trying to push the 2 of you away until you leave, like everyone else has in his life. If, over time, you can consistently let him know that you will never leave him, and love him no matter what, I really think some of the behaviors will decrease. Not all, of course, because some are neurological it would seem.........but the consistency in your unconditional love will do wonders. My son, still has not had an effective counselor, and we have seen at least a 2 dozen in his life, so I do not put a lot of merit in counseling per se....but I do put a lot of merit in consistent love, medications, structure, and working with a psychiatrist that really gets what that child needs. I also would not allow any contact with the gparents, if possible. He has obviously been traumatized by them, even though it has not been documented or verbalized in detail - his actions show that their presence is traumatizing. My son did this with his bio dad....every time he saw him he freaked out for weeks at a time until finally I refused for them to have visitation. Again, I applaud all you are doing.....I hope you are able to hang in there with it - our world needs more foster parents that are willing to take the risk on the more "unlovable kids". [/QUOTE]
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