Husband doesn't believe diagnosis

[busywend]

Have you read up at all on Sensory Integration Disorder? Sounds like he might have some characteristics. I would also consider Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). He sounds less BiPolar (BP) and more frustrated (perhaps by some Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) issues) to me.

 

[2ODD]

This is the most support and understanding that I have ever had. I can't even begin to thank all of you.

My husband has been reported for his violence by his own admission to the in home therapists. However, due to lack of lasting proof, they did not proceed with an investigation. The therapists informed him of this and he told them that it's because of the child protection laws that this world has gone to hell.

He was OK for a few weeks (as per usual) and then he was back at his own raging at all of us. He has shown his colors in front of other people which I will bring in to court to testify.

I have pictures of the wounds that have been inflicted on my son in, what my husband claims, as self defense. He admitted to one of the incidents again to a friend of mine on Sunday. Guess he's cooking his own goose.

I have located a house and will be proceeding lawfully with a lawyer requesting no access.

I believe that the psychiatrist diagnosed my son with bipolar because it is prevalent on my husbands side. Both parents and all brothers and sisters are on Lexipro or some derivitive of it. His aunt committed suicide from post partum psychosis. His aunt was a twin of his mother. There are serious seperation anxiety issues in my husband. He is unable to differentiate our family from his parents. He is constantly out there. Can't go a day without being there.

His father has the most incredible rage that I have ever seen and the parents spent many years screaming at one another. They had 3 children die. 2 of them died 3 months apart and the older siblings, including my husband, were the pall bearers. The first time, my husband was only 6 years old.

His brother was recently released from rehab. He is an alcoholic and almost killed himself after his wife left him and took the kids with her. They are working on it.

My husband is turning in to a control freak. I am only to leave the house if I am taking the kids to school or picking them up. I am not allowed to sing in the church choir because I am not getting paid for it. While he us at work, I am to be working as hard at home as he is and supper is to be on the table when he arrives. When I was working, I was to have all of this dine and still go to work at night while he took the kids to his parents house.

Over Christmas, my oldest daughter came home. My husband referred to the supper that I cooked as ****. I left for a walk rather than engaging. My daughter made a plate up for me since I hadn't eaten and my husband shoved his finger in her face and screamed at her for doing so. I moved her to a hotel that night. The next day I called a lawyer.

The lawyer that I have is supposed to be cut throat which, I guess, is what I need.

Places here are hard to find, but the one that I have found has a fenced yard, is right by the school bus stop, has enough bedrooms for all of the kids and my son's best friend lives next door.

I hope that I am making the right decision.

 

[2ODD]

by the way, I forgot to mention that I have a suitcase packed, hidden and easily accessible along with an emergency prepaid cell phone and have emergency cash hidden too.

 

[JJJ]

It sounds like you are doing what you need to do. Keep your phone on you so that you can call 911 in an instant. It sounds like he is getting worse, I hope your plans move quickly. Your lawyer will give you the best advice for the courts in your area, but in my humble opinion I would move out and file for a TPO covering you and the kids all on the same day.

 

[BusynMember]

You are doing the right thing. Him isolating you from your friends and telling you what you can and can not do is NOT NORMAL. It's an abusive relationship and I wouldn't be surprised if he has undiagnosed bipolar too.

Any time you want or need to vent, we are here for you.Hugs!!!

 

[susiestar]

I am so glad you have found us. It sounds like you really need the support, friendship, information and love that we share openly and freely here. While I didn't have an abusive spouse, I still remember the scared and alone feelings that I had when i first found this sanctuary.

Please be SUPER EXTRA CAREFUL until you are out of your home and have an order of protection against your spouse. The absolute most dangerous time is when you are leaving. PLEASE contact a DV center or hotline for help planning and executing your escape. Your husband sounds like a very dangerous, abusive mentally ill person.

I don't know if others have recommended it, but please get a copy of The Bipolar child as soon as you can. It will give you a TON of info about bipolar and kids - esp the advice that medications like lexapro are NOT NOT NOT a good choice for someone with bipolar. Mood stabilizers should be the first medications trialed in a child with a family history of bipolar. Lexapro and other antidepressants can actually CAUSE mood cycling in children - even children who are NOT bipolar. My daughter was abused my my older son at one point. She didn't tell us but I found him choking her in the middle of the night one horrible night. They both got even more therapy and the pediatrician put her on prozac and then zoloft. They made her high as a kite - quite literally. She is NOT bipolar, it does not run in our families, but she still went into mania and if kept on it could have gone into depression next.

There is a lot of good medication info here, but first you and the kids need to be out and safe. i am glad you have pics of wounds (NOT that they happened - there should NEVER be wounds after "discipline", of course). The photos will help your court case. If your son has not had a forensic interview by someone trained in interviewing children, this is something you need to have done when you get the protective order against him.

A shark lawyer is exactly what you need. Keep a cell phone in your pocket at ALL times also, in case you need to call for help. Teach the kids to call 911 if your spouse gets violent with you. WRite out a safety plan that they go to a neighbor or hide in a closet with a phone and call 911 if needed. The DV center can help you figure all of this out.

If your husband finds this website and problems come up because it, you can send a private message to a moderator or the board admin and get your name changed.

(((((hugs))))) you have found a soft place to be, a sanctuary of sorts, even an extended family here. You are NOT alone anymore.

 

[TerryJ2]

I've finally read this and am sorry to be late and have no ideas, but at least you've gotten some great advice, ideas and support from others. Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.
We care.

 

[TiredSoul]

You are definitely doing the right thing. Please be safe and let us know how you are doing.
xo Jules

 

[AnnieO]

I agree with what has been said. One thing I might add. Your suitcase, etc. in case you have to get out in a hurry? Keep it with a trusted friend if you can. This will be one less thing you have to worry about.

If he is isolating you, esp. now, you need to move forward as fast as you can. Do not leave any information on the new place where he might find it. When you get there? Watch your children at the bus stop if you can. because if he finds out where you are, children are a common "tool" used by abusers.

Come back here often and let us know how you are doing. We're all crossing body parts, rattling beads and praying for you.

 

[Giselle]

oh my gosh, I'm worried for you, your children, and the animals in the house. How sad for your son that he feels he needs to protect his puppy. If the animals are in danger I would strongly recommend temporarily rehoming them until you are able to get away from this situation, maybe with a friend or family member. The trauma of them being hurt by him will be much greater than a temporary separation.

When you say, "I hope that I am making the right decision" by trying to extricate yourself, let me say: YES. There is no question you need to get yourself and every dependent away from that man. I think when you're finally away it will be as clear to you as it is to all of us that no being should live with that kind of anger and violence. Then you can begin to heal.

Is there a women's shelter in your area where you can get more real life support and talk to other women who have been through this?

 

[DDD]

Just want you to know that I am thinking of you tonight. Hugs. DDD

 

[2ODD]

Thank you for thinking of me tonight. All positive thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated.

My husband surprised me yesterday by not going in to work. When I woke him thinking that he was going to be late, he told me that he had some leave that he had to use or lose. It wasn't until later in the day that I found out that he's off until Monday. This has been the longest 2 days of my life.

My son brought home his report card full of A's with a couple of B's. What a smart little guy!! He was disappointed that, although he had the highest achievement grades, his math grade wasn't higher. He was very upset. My husband told him that the letter grade was based on his test scores and assignments. Of course, my son was so distraught over the grade that his listening ears were turned off. Just to prove himself right, he dug out one of my son's test papers to show him that he had made a mistake. Let the blow up begin.

Once again, I got in the middle and got my husband out of the room explaining to him all along the way that there is no reasoning with my son until he comes to a calm. It wasn't 5 minutes and my son was asleep on the couch.

Sometimes I wonder if my husband will ever get that there are times that you just have to walk away and wait for my son to process his thoughts and emotions then go back and visit the topic again when all is calm?

Other than that, it's been a pretty good day, in comparison to others.

I did manage to get out of the house to take my daughter to preschool, file the taxes and pick up some milk. Of course, before all of that was achieved, I had to review with my husband where I was going, what I was doing, who I would be with and how long I would be gone a few times. He finally let me leave once I proved to him that I actually had the tax papers with me.

*sigh* At least we made it through another day.

So that no one worries, I have been in touch with CAPSEA and they have advised me on how to proceed and I have their number programmed in to my cell phone (under an alias) for when it is time.

Night to all. Thank you again for all that you've done for us.

 

[TerryJ2]

Aaargh! What rotten timing!

I can see by your husband's behavior that he is extremely insecure. What a shame that the very thing he thinks he is protecting--his possession of you--is what is making you leave. He will never figure it out.

Hugs to your little guy for his good grades. Bravo!!!

 

[TerryJ2]

Just re-read your note, and I encourage you to re-read this in your mind's eye if you ever get cold feet or feel yourself waffling:

I have quit my jobs so that I can stay at home and referee but mostly because I am afraid to leave my husband alone at home with my kids.

Many hugs.

 

[HaoZi]

I am only to leave the house if I am taking the kids to school or picking them up. I am not allowed to sing in the church choir because I am not getting paid for it. While he us at work, I am to be working as hard at home as he is and supper is to be on the table when he arrives. When I was working, I was to have all of this dine and still go to work at night while he took the kids to his parents house.

I can't tell you how much this makes me bristle (or maybe you already know). In your bag, do you also have all your important paperwork? Birth certificates, social security cards, the whole nine yards (including rabies vaccination papers on the puppy)? Because the way this is going you, the kids, the puppy, whoever is going, may well need to vanish via shelter instead of just serve him and move. I agree with whoever said you'd be better off keeping the bag with a trusted friend, one that can protect herself from him if he comes looking for you there.

 

[BusynMember]

Yeesh. What a complete jerk!!! Makes my blood boil. WHY do you have to check with husband about every move you make? Never mind. He is an abusive control freak.

Do plan quietly to leave him...I am afraid for you as to what he will do when you leave, but you MUST leave (if not for you then for your children). This is not the way a marriage is. If I leave the house, my husband doesn't demand to know exactly where I am all the time. He is not your father. So wrong in so many ways...huggles!!

 

[DDD]

Sending more supportive thoughts and prayers your way. DDD