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Husband has an adult child that was adopted.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 717530" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My best friend met her bio. Family. It was a long, hard road to acceptance from all. But she was mature and 37 and not all her half sibs were happy at firstand it certainly was not a big happy reunion. It was touch and go. And adopted mother was not accepting and she loved her adoptive family a lot. It was a head trip for her.</p><p>I would simplify it. Let hub know daughter first rather than overwhelming her and your family all at once...you have no idea if she is nice, stable, sober, honest, sincere etc. You do not know how it will go.</p><p></p><p>Bio. Mom has no place in the relationship on any deep level. Keep her and other fringe players out. Dont complicate an already complicated situation by adding non essential bit players. You dont know THEIR motives. Just dad and bio. Daughter. That is enough. Dont Skype the whole clan again. Overwhelming and not necessary.</p><p></p><p>Hub needs to control the flirting. This woman is not just the lady at a party who is flattered. This is the mother of a child of his...he is capable of controlling himself. Or, if not, he isnt ready for this daughter.</p><p>My friend calls meeting her birth family the hardest experience of her life. It never was 100% perfect, but with years it got better...largely because friend is loving, giving, wise and forgiving. Her birthmothers husband was an awesome man in the end and actually pulled everyone together...but not before once trying to get her into bed as he saw her as a lovely younger version of his wife. That incident almost blew it apart, but it actually was able to be forgiven by friend.</p><p></p><p>Have realistic expectations. Go slow. Baby steps. Dont throw her in the family swimming pool with all the others right away. This messed up the birth familys stability too for several years and this was a stable family...dont get romantic notions of bliss. Complicated situartions are rarely easy, even if they seem like they will be at first. I would seek a family therapy session before the meeting with you and hub. My friend met her birthfamily in a therspists office and the first time it ended in tears and anger from all. The hurt exploded...it was not expected. My friend was temporarily destroyed.</p><p></p><p> This will likely take time and work. Maybe daughter wants money...you dont know anything yet. Nothing. Somebody else raised her. She has deep ties. She has a family. Maybe, as in most families, she is youthfully upset with her parents. That doesbt mean she doesnt love them derply. Or worse want something materially from bio. Dad. Bio. Mom could be behind this...watch out. You dont know the back story. My friend did not even tell the person she considers her real mom (her adoptive mother) that she was looking for bio. Mom until she had already met her, and the two women saw one another maybe three times. I am suspicios that this bio. Mother wants something from you and is egging on her daughter in order to get it.</p><p></p><p> Go slow, go slow, go slow.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 717530, member: 1550"] My best friend met her bio. Family. It was a long, hard road to acceptance from all. But she was mature and 37 and not all her half sibs were happy at firstand it certainly was not a big happy reunion. It was touch and go. And adopted mother was not accepting and she loved her adoptive family a lot. It was a head trip for her. I would simplify it. Let hub know daughter first rather than overwhelming her and your family all at once...you have no idea if she is nice, stable, sober, honest, sincere etc. You do not know how it will go. Bio. Mom has no place in the relationship on any deep level. Keep her and other fringe players out. Dont complicate an already complicated situation by adding non essential bit players. You dont know THEIR motives. Just dad and bio. Daughter. That is enough. Dont Skype the whole clan again. Overwhelming and not necessary. Hub needs to control the flirting. This woman is not just the lady at a party who is flattered. This is the mother of a child of his...he is capable of controlling himself. Or, if not, he isnt ready for this daughter. My friend calls meeting her birth family the hardest experience of her life. It never was 100% perfect, but with years it got better...largely because friend is loving, giving, wise and forgiving. Her birthmothers husband was an awesome man in the end and actually pulled everyone together...but not before once trying to get her into bed as he saw her as a lovely younger version of his wife. That incident almost blew it apart, but it actually was able to be forgiven by friend. Have realistic expectations. Go slow. Baby steps. Dont throw her in the family swimming pool with all the others right away. This messed up the birth familys stability too for several years and this was a stable family...dont get romantic notions of bliss. Complicated situartions are rarely easy, even if they seem like they will be at first. I would seek a family therapy session before the meeting with you and hub. My friend met her birthfamily in a therspists office and the first time it ended in tears and anger from all. The hurt exploded...it was not expected. My friend was temporarily destroyed. This will likely take time and work. Maybe daughter wants money...you dont know anything yet. Nothing. Somebody else raised her. She has deep ties. She has a family. Maybe, as in most families, she is youthfully upset with her parents. That doesbt mean she doesnt love them derply. Or worse want something materially from bio. Dad. Bio. Mom could be behind this...watch out. You dont know the back story. My friend did not even tell the person she considers her real mom (her adoptive mother) that she was looking for bio. Mom until she had already met her, and the two women saw one another maybe three times. I am suspicios that this bio. Mother wants something from you and is egging on her daughter in order to get it. Go slow, go slow, go slow. [/QUOTE]
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Husband has an adult child that was adopted.
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