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Husband has an adult child that was adopted.
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<blockquote data-quote="kim75062" data-source="post: 717737" data-attributes="member: 20727"><p>So there's very little reading I've found on biological father/family and adoptee reunions. I've read what I could find and many from the birthmothers perspective also because there's a ton on that subject. </p><p></p><p>Me and hubby have been talking and there's really no right solution to our current dilemma so we want to make the best choice? </p><p></p><p>Bio daughter wants to meet hubby and me and siblings. So we invited her and her mom (adopted mom, side note* seems strange to have to add the adjective in front of the title to this women who earned the title of mom so for future posts mom or dad will mean the adopted parents and ill add bio in front of hubby and his ex) to come here in a few months around Christmas time. One so there's enough time to get to know each other and mentally process it all first, and 2 because the holidays seem to have the magical way of making people really want to get along with each other, at least until after New Years anyway lol </p><p></p><p>Turns out mom doesn't want to come with daughter here but is fine with her coming on her own(strange to me?). So after talking and rethinking things, we thought maybe we should all go there instead? It would be incredibly unfair to fly this young women across the country to meet a group of related strangers without her having some kind of support system for herself.</p><p></p><p> Then we said maybe hubby should go there alone just for a few days to get the initial first meeting out of the way (it sounds cold and business like and I don't mean it to but I can't find a way to word it better). Second meeting are always easier for everyone envolved in any other relationship. But then there he is all alone also with no support system, which from knowing him for years he will need. He is extremely emotional and bottles it all up until he can't hold no more. He also has some anxiety issues to begin with and is deathly afraid he is going to mess it all up alone and she will never want to see him again or meet her siblings. </p><p></p><p>So next thought is we ALL go there, (it's a major tourist area) get one of those big 3 br villas and spend a week. Giving everyone enough space and her a safe place to retreat to (home) if she needs to. The plan so far is to have them have their first meeting in a safe neutral public place for a brief time and hopefully continue to the vist for the next few days if she feels comfortable. </p><p></p><p>At the same time if all goes horribly wrong we will be in one of the best tourist destinations in the country so I should be able to easily distract our children from all that's going wrong. </p><p></p><p>Hubby thinks support groups and counselers are all a "fraud" like fortune tellers. In his mind there's no way a complete stranger could ever know how to help you live your life.</p><p></p><p> But in all this he actually asked me to "ask those moms (that's you guys lol) what they would do". Knowing many of you have adopted children.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="kim75062, post: 717737, member: 20727"] So there's very little reading I've found on biological father/family and adoptee reunions. I've read what I could find and many from the birthmothers perspective also because there's a ton on that subject. Me and hubby have been talking and there's really no right solution to our current dilemma so we want to make the best choice? Bio daughter wants to meet hubby and me and siblings. So we invited her and her mom (adopted mom, side note* seems strange to have to add the adjective in front of the title to this women who earned the title of mom so for future posts mom or dad will mean the adopted parents and ill add bio in front of hubby and his ex) to come here in a few months around Christmas time. One so there's enough time to get to know each other and mentally process it all first, and 2 because the holidays seem to have the magical way of making people really want to get along with each other, at least until after New Years anyway lol Turns out mom doesn't want to come with daughter here but is fine with her coming on her own(strange to me?). So after talking and rethinking things, we thought maybe we should all go there instead? It would be incredibly unfair to fly this young women across the country to meet a group of related strangers without her having some kind of support system for herself. Then we said maybe hubby should go there alone just for a few days to get the initial first meeting out of the way (it sounds cold and business like and I don't mean it to but I can't find a way to word it better). Second meeting are always easier for everyone envolved in any other relationship. But then there he is all alone also with no support system, which from knowing him for years he will need. He is extremely emotional and bottles it all up until he can't hold no more. He also has some anxiety issues to begin with and is deathly afraid he is going to mess it all up alone and she will never want to see him again or meet her siblings. So next thought is we ALL go there, (it's a major tourist area) get one of those big 3 br villas and spend a week. Giving everyone enough space and her a safe place to retreat to (home) if she needs to. The plan so far is to have them have their first meeting in a safe neutral public place for a brief time and hopefully continue to the vist for the next few days if she feels comfortable. At the same time if all goes horribly wrong we will be in one of the best tourist destinations in the country so I should be able to easily distract our children from all that's going wrong. Hubby thinks support groups and counselers are all a "fraud" like fortune tellers. In his mind there's no way a complete stranger could ever know how to help you live your life. But in all this he actually asked me to "ask those moms (that's you guys lol) what they would do". Knowing many of you have adopted children. [/QUOTE]
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Husband has an adult child that was adopted.
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