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Husband has an adult child that was adopted.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 717748" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>There is no one answer. In these situations sometimes second meetings can be worse and there is NO WAY everyone will all be comfortable. I think meeting everyone is a bad idea...your daughters may not be as thrilled about this stranger getting all this attention as you and they think they will be. Nor do I feel its best for bio. Dad to invite himself there to their Christmas. Its family time. You dont know each other.</p><p></p><p>I would keep it simple. Dad and her. Period. See how it goes. It takes months to know how it will go. Daughter may be inwardly very angry at him. With my friend, both sides deteriorated as the two sided anger erupted. It was not apoarent at first. The anger showed up after time. My friend's oldest half sister was jeaous as all get go of this new person who suddnly made her no longer the oldest. And my friend is beautiful and smart. This half suster lost her oldest child status was not as pretty and charming as my friend. They still are strained twenty years later. My friend never called her birthmom Mom. Mom was adopted mom. She called birthmom by her first name. She called birthmom's husband by his first name. The two families did not bond. There were tears,resentment and jealousy on all sides.</p><p></p><p>If not for birthmother's husband, who was not related to her, this birth family would not have ever somewhat come together. He was the mediator, in spite of his one slip of trying to sleep with her. My friend's children truly bonded with and loved this man the very most of all. He made sure my friend was included in the will...they were wealthy. The man was not DNA related but ended up the most beloved of all...by all.</p><p></p><p>This was very hard, took years, forgiveness and ups and downs. It turned out that friend was stronger than the other women in her DNA family and theyball started coming to her for advice, rides and favors. It drove her nuts. She felt overwhelmed and had her other family too who resented birth family. She did not tell each family when she saw the other to avoid jealousy.</p><p></p><p>Reading other stories wont tell you how things will turn out for you. It is very complicated with no right or wrong way. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesnt. It often csuses chaos.</p><p></p><p>I do believe less people, more calm and time to get acquainted and I dont think Christmas will help. I would wait for calmer times, after the holidays. No offense, but I dont think you should be there. This is between them. You can be there for him after the meeting. She may want to see Dad alone.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. Dont waste time overthinking..there is no great solution. Less people is the only thing I feel will help. Less people, less complications. More people, more complications. Dont rush this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 717748, member: 1550"] There is no one answer. In these situations sometimes second meetings can be worse and there is NO WAY everyone will all be comfortable. I think meeting everyone is a bad idea...your daughters may not be as thrilled about this stranger getting all this attention as you and they think they will be. Nor do I feel its best for bio. Dad to invite himself there to their Christmas. Its family time. You dont know each other. I would keep it simple. Dad and her. Period. See how it goes. It takes months to know how it will go. Daughter may be inwardly very angry at him. With my friend, both sides deteriorated as the two sided anger erupted. It was not apoarent at first. The anger showed up after time. My friend's oldest half sister was jeaous as all get go of this new person who suddnly made her no longer the oldest. And my friend is beautiful and smart. This half suster lost her oldest child status was not as pretty and charming as my friend. They still are strained twenty years later. My friend never called her birthmom Mom. Mom was adopted mom. She called birthmom by her first name. She called birthmom's husband by his first name. The two families did not bond. There were tears,resentment and jealousy on all sides. If not for birthmother's husband, who was not related to her, this birth family would not have ever somewhat come together. He was the mediator, in spite of his one slip of trying to sleep with her. My friend's children truly bonded with and loved this man the very most of all. He made sure my friend was included in the will...they were wealthy. The man was not DNA related but ended up the most beloved of all...by all. This was very hard, took years, forgiveness and ups and downs. It turned out that friend was stronger than the other women in her DNA family and theyball started coming to her for advice, rides and favors. It drove her nuts. She felt overwhelmed and had her other family too who resented birth family. She did not tell each family when she saw the other to avoid jealousy. Reading other stories wont tell you how things will turn out for you. It is very complicated with no right or wrong way. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesnt. It often csuses chaos. I do believe less people, more calm and time to get acquainted and I dont think Christmas will help. I would wait for calmer times, after the holidays. No offense, but I dont think you should be there. This is between them. You can be there for him after the meeting. She may want to see Dad alone. Good luck. Dont waste time overthinking..there is no great solution. Less people is the only thing I feel will help. Less people, less complications. More people, more complications. Dont rush this. [/QUOTE]
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Husband has an adult child that was adopted.
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