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Husband has an adult child that was adopted.
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<blockquote data-quote="kim75062" data-source="post: 717760" data-attributes="member: 20727"><p>thanks SWOT <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I really do value your input on this. </p><p></p><p>So far there seems to be no issues between kids. They have been talking via Facebook messenger about what most teens talk about, you tube, books, and games etc.</p><p></p><p>As for my oldest she has always known she was not the oldest and I don't foresee that as being a problem. She is VERY much a daddies girl though and I am waiting for the jealousy to come to a head. She insists that shes fine with it all and is even annoyed that I asked her if she was having any of these feelings. </p><p></p><p>Next daughter is still the "middle" child so that didn't change lol She also has known this day may come and was and is excited about it all still. I'm not to sure on the jealousy thing with her yet, shes more of a mommys girl then daddys but who knows. </p><p></p><p>Youngest (difficult child) has no clue, I showed him her picture and asked him what he thought of the girl in the picture without saying who she was. He looked at it and then at me and said "its another (my oldest daughters name)" rolled his eyes and ran away making ghost noises lol they do look VERY alike and I don't think he was impressed that there might possibly be another one of "her" to boss him around <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I do realize that kids seem to think that new siblings born now or reappearing from the past will some how make the parents have to divide their love again. Like its a certain size piece that gets cut up or something. Theres really no way to explain to a child that that's just not how it works until they have there own kids and feel it for themselves. I know when I had my first I was more in love with her then any other person on this planet from before she was even born and couldn't comprehend how it would be possible to love anyone else as much. then her sister was born a few years later and it all made sense to me. The heart just keeps getting fuller and theres always room for more <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p></p><p>as for the timing, i was figuring more just sometime December (its the off season for tourists) not actually Christmas itself. But maybe that's a bad idea, I don't know. We where planning a family trip this year anyway, no real plans yet and it just seemed to make sense.</p><p></p><p>I was NOT planning on being there for their initial meeting. That should be a private time between them alone. I was thinking being there for him as in a short drive away as opposed to across the country. Also I would not invite myself into that relationship or the ones with the siblings. If they need me obviously I would be there but otherwise I am fine sitting on the side lines waiting to pick up the pieces that I hope I never have to.</p><p></p><p>His daughter was told that we will never discuss the details of her dysfunctional past ( her BIOmom has already told her things she does not need to know that have nothing to do with her anyway). There is no reason for her to know all the details and it will not do anything to help her with who she is today.There will be no "what ifs" or trying to make up all the lost years. He knows that its impossible to do and will only lead to problems with let downs etc. He has been waiting and somewhat mentally preparing for this to happen for years but never really believed it would. From the moment she sent him that first message everything that he had prepared himself for was gone. He was at a loss for words and is just starting to regain his sense again.</p><p></p><p>From the first message she sent him she called him dad, which I found as very odd. I think she definitely has some attachment disorder but its to soon to really tell. Its been a week now and shes made no mention of her dad so far, only her mom. For all we know she may not have a dad in her life. Hubby does not want to push for any information or hard questions figuring she will share when shes ready. </p><p></p><p>Do you think him going there alone is the best idea out of the bunch at this point?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="kim75062, post: 717760, member: 20727"] thanks SWOT :) I really do value your input on this. So far there seems to be no issues between kids. They have been talking via Facebook messenger about what most teens talk about, you tube, books, and games etc. As for my oldest she has always known she was not the oldest and I don't foresee that as being a problem. She is VERY much a daddies girl though and I am waiting for the jealousy to come to a head. She insists that shes fine with it all and is even annoyed that I asked her if she was having any of these feelings. Next daughter is still the "middle" child so that didn't change lol She also has known this day may come and was and is excited about it all still. I'm not to sure on the jealousy thing with her yet, shes more of a mommys girl then daddys but who knows. Youngest (difficult child) has no clue, I showed him her picture and asked him what he thought of the girl in the picture without saying who she was. He looked at it and then at me and said "its another (my oldest daughters name)" rolled his eyes and ran away making ghost noises lol they do look VERY alike and I don't think he was impressed that there might possibly be another one of "her" to boss him around :) I do realize that kids seem to think that new siblings born now or reappearing from the past will some how make the parents have to divide their love again. Like its a certain size piece that gets cut up or something. Theres really no way to explain to a child that that's just not how it works until they have there own kids and feel it for themselves. I know when I had my first I was more in love with her then any other person on this planet from before she was even born and couldn't comprehend how it would be possible to love anyone else as much. then her sister was born a few years later and it all made sense to me. The heart just keeps getting fuller and theres always room for more :) as for the timing, i was figuring more just sometime December (its the off season for tourists) not actually Christmas itself. But maybe that's a bad idea, I don't know. We where planning a family trip this year anyway, no real plans yet and it just seemed to make sense. I was NOT planning on being there for their initial meeting. That should be a private time between them alone. I was thinking being there for him as in a short drive away as opposed to across the country. Also I would not invite myself into that relationship or the ones with the siblings. If they need me obviously I would be there but otherwise I am fine sitting on the side lines waiting to pick up the pieces that I hope I never have to. His daughter was told that we will never discuss the details of her dysfunctional past ( her BIOmom has already told her things she does not need to know that have nothing to do with her anyway). There is no reason for her to know all the details and it will not do anything to help her with who she is today.There will be no "what ifs" or trying to make up all the lost years. He knows that its impossible to do and will only lead to problems with let downs etc. He has been waiting and somewhat mentally preparing for this to happen for years but never really believed it would. From the moment she sent him that first message everything that he had prepared himself for was gone. He was at a loss for words and is just starting to regain his sense again. From the first message she sent him she called him dad, which I found as very odd. I think she definitely has some attachment disorder but its to soon to really tell. Its been a week now and shes made no mention of her dad so far, only her mom. For all we know she may not have a dad in her life. Hubby does not want to push for any information or hard questions figuring she will share when shes ready. Do you think him going there alone is the best idea out of the bunch at this point? [/QUOTE]
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Husband has an adult child that was adopted.
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