Husband is a D#cknose!

[PatriotsGirl]

I am so tired of his childish behavior. Everything has to be about him. We have been married over fourteen years - you would think the man would know by now that I am not a morning person.
For a while now I have told him about this project looming for work. How I felt it was over my head and I was anxious about it. Yesterday and last night I told him I had to do this project today - how it was going to be such a long day but it had to be done. You think any of this registered in his brain? Nope. Because it didn't have a thing to do with him.
So this morning, I am up at the crack of dawn already tapping away at the keyboard and he comes in and starts pushing my chair around and trying to play with me - much like a young difficult child would! And I was trying to be nice, said honey, I am working on this project. Oh well, you would have thought the world ended. Completely threw a fit because I was not polly play girl. Started calling me a b and saying don't even try to talk to him when he is doing his call reports. OMG, seriously, his job is driving around and talking to customers. I WISH my job was that easy! Mine is MUCH more difficult and requires a lot of thinking and concentration.
Ugh, I am just so ******! He is being SO self centered!!!

 

[busywend]

Ugh! Hope he goes on lots of customer visits today!

 

[Star*]

Pats gir.....I mean Polly Plaything...(snort) ----envisions --oh never mind. (still snort)

You know I haven't 'quite' figured out what the MAGIC is about me in my office. No really - hear me out, and I have tried 'Oh so many' things to dissuade (wait I want to get my dictionary of synonyms and antonyms) huh-never mind it's a cheap one - doesn't even have dissuade in it. Anyway, I have not figured out WHAT it is about me being in that little 10x12 room attracts DF like a moth to a flame to me. When first I became unemployed I thought it was a little cute that he brought me coffee first thing in the morning, and then came for my refills. We do that for each other and we are, and have been very thoughtful of even small things like that even after twelve years of being together. Then at lunch he would come in and offer to make me lunch, and bring to me if I were busy and vise-versa if he were out in the yard. Dinner? Same way. We've always been like that.

However I can clearly remember posting about two months after being unemployed that he was making me NUTS with coming into the office nearly ever 15 minutes. It wasn't checking up on me, but it was like I either somehow was at the other end of the house silently wrecking his mojo and invading his space (you know 2500 sq. ft.), or he was just so unable to deal with me being here he couldn't leave me alone for more than 15 minutes. It.made.me.nuts! I would be mid-sentence, mid-thought, mid-idea, mid-creativeness, in the middle of a phone conversation and he would BURST through the door and start talking about whatever without any thought or care as to what I was doing. It.made.me.nuts!

Despite the waving wildly of my hand (you know like that crazy thing we do when we try to tell people we are on the phone pointing, twirling our arm, something like we are having a spasm, but not and then you do the head roll, point some more and then roll your eyes?) yeah that - he STILL wouldn't get it. Instead he would THEN blurt out nearly I swear as loudly as he could "OH I SEE YOU ARE ON THE PHONE. (long pause) I DIDN'T KNOW (longer pause, then slightly lower yelling) I'll COME BACK (then walking away, stop and turn -still yelling) OR YOU COME GET ME WHEN YOU ARE OFF THE PHONE OKAY HONEY? All of which would take, each time about 30 seconds. Never. failed. All, and every time while I am doing the crazy wave wildly and point to the phone. So finally I started closing the door, and putting a note on the door saying 'On the phone'.
(Didn't stop him) He'd stand there, listen - and if he didn't hear ME talking? He'd come in, and then I'd have to STILL point to the phone, and try to explain with pointing and wild arm waving - I wasn't always the one TALKING - there were two sides to a conversation to which we'd go back into ""OH I SEE YOU ARE ON THE PHONE. (long pause) I DIDN'T KNOW (longer pause, then slightly lower yelling) I'll COME BACK (smile Star, smile) and in the mean time - whatever important information I was supposed to get on the other end? Was generally lost. Grrrrr.

I wondered if it was the fact that I was there and he'd gotten used to me NOT being there? But it's not like I ever invaded his space - I'm at the other end of the house. I'm quiet. Finally I said something to him, and well that just offended him to the point of "Well you just come get ME when YOU are finished. I won't bother YOU any more." To which I thought in my mind 'you are being childish, and okay I know how to handle this...So I did exactly what he asked. Until.....he went back to coming in and doing it all over again. lol. For a while? It was great. I could actually get my thoughts out - without interruption. Now we're back to - him coming in and doing whatever, whenever.

I wish I could say that I'd stoop to his level, and go out in the garage and interrupt him when he's working, but I'm just so danged happy that he's making progress on the house? I dare not. So i do the only thing I CAN do - I knock on the bathroom door - lol. "Are you in there?" "I need to talk to you are you coming out soon?" "Are you going to be in there much longer?" "If I'm bothering you I'll come back.....3 minutes later...is now too soon?" Finally he semi-shriek/laughed 'WHATS UP WITH YOU?' - and I said "Well at least you aren't on the phone...Are you waiving your arms and pointing like I do?" ----Ahhhhh message received loud and clear. Now at least I have gained THAT privledge uninterrupted.

Sad that I had to poop...I mean stoop to that level - but a gals gotta do what a gals gotta do.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

OMG Star I am sitting laughing so hard I have tears down my cheeks!!!! And he does the same thing when I am on the phone and then I miss everything I should have heard. UGH!!!!

I am going to wait until he is doing his call reports and then I am going to go over and start pushing on his arm. And I am going to try to joke around while he is working and say, come on, I am just trying to play with you. And then I am going to throw a temper tantrum because he won't play with me while he is working and I am going to leave and go to the gym. Plan set.

This is another reason I need to get difficult child's old bedroom boxed up and cleaned out. That will be my office and I will shut and lock the door.

 

[AnnieO]

Never fails, PG.

I will be doing nothing important and no one needs me. The INSTANT I get on the phone or start something that requires concentration, SOMEONE will come in and pester me. Usually about nothing at all. I will get my hands all gooey with bread dough and THAT's when they need me to open something, help them... Etc.

My favorite one. If I'm upstairs, in my chair, reading... And anyone in the family is watching TV in the same room... They talk. Constantly. "She's so pretty, did you see her, come here and look" It's on DVR, I can look later. "Did you see that? Wasn't that FUNNY?" No, I didn't - I can't see the TV from my chair which is why no one else sits in it. "You know, honey, we need to..." HELLO! I wanted to talk earlier but you were too engrossed in your online garbage and cell phone game, NOW I'm relaxing, can you just shut.the.he!!.up?!

...And they wonder why I don't sit in the living room with them very much... I don't like "reality" shows (not my reality - and definitely not anyone I know's relaity), I think modern cartoons make Wile E. Coyote look really brainy, teenage shows are more like ADULT shows anymore, stuff like AI and DWTS - I cringe if someone messes up or is off key.

...There's a reason I like the History Channel...

Yup. Never fails. Follow through on your plan... Though he'll probably get miffed. Sigh.

 

[Star*]

Personally? I'd opt for something more dairy -

Like......romping through his line of sight in a bathing suit made totally of Ready-Whip - while he was doing his reports. And then completely and quickly disappearing, wiping it all off, changing fast as lighting and acting as if he were completely nuts when he came around the corner asking "WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?"

I'd show him a Polywolly doodle thing or two on company time.

 

[JJJ]

Personally? I'd opt for something more dairy -

Like......romping through his line of sight in a bathing suit made totally of Ready-Whip - while he was doing his reports. And then completely and quickly disappearing, wiping it all off, changing fast as lighting and acting as if he were completely nuts when he came around the corner asking "WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?"

I'd show him a Polywolly doodle thing or two on company time.

 

[HaoZi]

Get a nice big stack of post-its. When he interrupts, jot off a quick response (rude or not, your choice), slap it on his forehead, then point to the door.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

He brought me home a Starbucks - guess that was his way of apologizing.....but he is still moody and so I am glad he is at the gym Who says men don't get PMS??

 

[nvts]

hahahahahahahaha...I haven't read one single response...I can't get past the subject...I haven't heard that expression in YEARS!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha~!

Beth

 

[Star*]

You suppose you can drop a (blank) l in a Starbucks? I mean if you think about it - there are all kinds of jokes out there for pills you can give to women for mood-elevators, but I really couldn't think of anything for a man. ---Nope just nothing.

Off to get more postits....that in itself just gives me more ideas.

 

[muttmeister]

Sorry, I don't have any advice but you have given me a good giggle for the last couple of days. I know what a d#cknose is supposed to be but everytime I look at that my demented brain fills in the blank with a "u". Somehow, ducknose is even funnier than what you intended. Thanks for the giggle, even thought it wasn't really intended.

 

[HaoZi]

I'm so glad I wasn't the only one that keeps reading it as duck.

And Star... if you're thinking pasties, I would be concerned about papercuts.