husband is trying...

P-nut2004

New Member
OMG Shari...if it weren't for the age difference I'd swear our DHs were separated at birth......mine is sooo much like yours. We have constant fights over where things do and do not belong, I lose important things when he 'cleans' which consists of shoving everything out of site (like a 10yr old). I have given up on the kitchen drawers, I just don't ask him to do dishes anymore because atleast easy child 1 & 2 can get things in the right cabinet even if they aren't stacked right. Yesterday we had a HUGE fight that ended with me punching a door and going for a walk to calm down.....We have a two story house, the upstairs is actually the attic and has storage space in the eves, he is in charge of putting things in there and getting them back out due to my bad back. Yesterday (after a week of me asking nicely) I insisted that he go get the girls boxes of summer clothes down. He starts fussing about not knowing where they are (because he didn't keep things in categories like I asked; holiday, clothes, decoration etc) and asks me to come up with him. OMG I almost went thru the roof, the eves on both sides are a mess of boxes, not stacked by size or content, crammed into the corners with no regard for anything labeled fragile. I was on the verge of losing it watching him toss boxes around angrily to find the clothes when he pulled out a box clearly labeled Framed Pictures FRAGILE and tossed it to the side.....it jingled and I KNEW all my frames were broken (we've only lived her for 9 months and I BEGGED him to hang the pictures for me because he's better at it but NO he refused and then one day he decided to "clean" and shoved all the boxes I had yet to unpack upstairs....so years of school pics and family pics in frames I spent good money on to have them match are busted....I completely lost it...husband says to me "Dont start with me...." I replied "Why is it that no matter what you do I am not supposed to be upset, that box has all of my good frames and pictures we payed to have taken in it" husband replies "I guess you should've hung them up, huh?" at that point I punched the wall and left before it got too ugly. Today I went back up, after I left last night he threw boxes out of the eves into the kids playroom, busting several of them open, so I crawled thru the eves and fished out most of the summer clothes, atleast one box is still MIA..... UGH.......

I SO FEEL YOUR PAIN!!
 

Shari

IsItFridayYet?
Most likely, folks, this is where the Brooms assume I'm a spoiled rich kid. I actually have 2 hoosiers. I have a very small one made from some kind of gum wood. My dad found it at an auction and gave $5 for it and refinished it. My brothers each have one, also, but theirs are oak and far nicer than mine. So, when Wee was born, dad refinished my grandma's that she bought new in 34 and gave it to me, also. It was a great changing table, etc. And since my house only has one closet, its great storage. But my parents home is full of stuff my dad bought for nothing and refinished. And pretty sure Two Brooms sat up there for 3 days when my dad died and inventoried it all.

But I digress. I love my hoosier. And I mostly use it! lol All the baking stuff is there.

P-nut....that would be my husband....IF the stuff ever got to the attic in the first place. He has titles to vehicles and trailers in pop corn tins around here. I think I saw a savings bond in one once. It scares me.

And I wouldn't even have been upset about the dish rags if it wasn't EVERY THING. He half-ass does everything he does, and I know he knows where stuff goes. He just gets away with "I don't know".
 

Jena

New Member
hey i just wanted to wish you luck..... patience, patience....... i tell myself same everyday. it isn't easy yet nothing good or worth it ever is i hear!!!

hang in there!! :)
 

Shari

IsItFridayYet?
Yeah, EW....kinda contradictory there, huh?

He is trying. He is doing a whole lot more than he was doing before.

He is not trying as hard as he could. And his whole lot more? Still ain't much. Ugh ugh ugh. Its driving me whacky.
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
He half-ass does everything he does

That is my husband in a nutshell.

It drives me insane. Even when he's "trying hard" it's still half-ass. Which means .........I either do it myself......or live with it......or ride him constantly to make sure it's done right.

This man attempted to tell me my family room roof couldn't hold a grown males weight.......so he wouldn't have to clean gutters. omg Now granted it won't hold his current weight, nor am I dumb enough to try it. But I couldn't help myself......I had to ask him just how he thought the roof got put on in the first place? lmao Travis cleaned the gutters. Sure, let's let the kid who can't see do it. Still got rain leaking in the family room.......will have to get up there and get what Travis couldn't because his hands are too big. ugh

Travis does dishes better than husband. Who heaven forbid would touch a counter when he does dishes. I guess counters magically clean themselves. ugh
 

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
This could be Onyxx or Jett...

My husband does a great job - as long as he does not get distracted. Usually, it's him remembering to even get started.
 

DaisyFace

Love me...Love me not
As Yoda once said:

"No 'trying'. Do or do not - there is no try."

Which, I think, means that folks often use "trying" as as excuse for not doing what they are supposed to be doing. It's so they can make you the bad guy - "Why are you angry? I'm trying the best I can!"

Your husband needs to stop trying and start doing.
 

AnnieO

Shooting from the Hip
DF... I'm gonna use this one on Jett!

I have to give the kid an "A" for effort in trying to get out of stuff. He rarely succeeds with me.

And I agree.
 

Shari

IsItFridayYet?
All of this would bug me less if he also wasn't so intolerant of the same behavior in others.

Monday, when the truck broke down, and I had no receiver hitch, chains, booms, or straps? I called to ask him where they were, and he got all pissy cause he's "sick of easy child taking **** and not putting it back".

Well, easy child got tired of being blamed so he bought his own stuff 3+ years ago. He keeps it locked in his truck (because husband will take it). He has his own booms, 1 chain, and straps.

Anyone wanna guess where the hitch, chains, and booms, and straps were when I called husband on Monday???
 

Shari

IsItFridayYet?
Oh and the first car he blew up
Was the one difficult child drove before he left. husband would go
Out and check the oil innit ALL THE TimE and jump
difficult child if it wasn't FULL (it used oil).
Then when husband drove it? Never checked it. Added oil when the light came on (2qts low then), never changed it, and blew it up.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
How is it that so many men do the same koi?? Years ago my mother and I finally jsut decided to chalk it up to testosterone killing brain cells. Or at least making them migrate to where they are sat upon and squished into being totally useless.

My father does much of this also. When you add Aspie obsessiveness to testosterone it makes for a really bad combo. I don't envy my mother one little bit!

Sending hugs. I hope you are working with a therapist to figure out what you want, what the least you will accept is, and how to handle everything that is going on.
 
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