husband is witnessing a meltdown

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by wakeupcall, Mar 8, 2008.

  1. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    This is one of the very few times husband has actually witnessed a meltdown...over nothing. We let difficult child pick where we went out for dinner tonight. He picked a rather expensive seafood place, but WTH! We order, then he won't eat his shrimp because it's too spicy. OK, husband switched with him, then he didn't like husband's dinner either. Ended up eating very little dinner. So this evening he wants to make himself a sandwich, so I give in. He ate it, then wants chips and cookies and ice cream. Well, I decided that was enough so I said the dreaded word....NO. Yikes, it was like unleashing a caged animal. He screamed and cried, kicked, threw things.......had a REAL meltdown. So, I walked him to his room very calmly, helped him undress, and tucked him in bed (it's 8:15 pm). He went right to sleep. Of course, he was up at 5:30 AM for some unknown reason....except I think I'm seeing this decreased need for sleep type symptom. husband says it has to be medication-related, and I say the medications don't prevent all of it from ever happening. I honestly think I diffused it pretty well, but husband is sitting there with his mouth open. Usually this stuff happens with only ME in attendance.

    Sorry, just needed to vent. I keep waiting for him to outgrow some of this and all it's doing is getting worse. *SIGH*
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Pam, don't you feel a wee bit validated that husband actually saw a meltdown?

    In all seriousness, if he has a mood disorder, he's not going to outgrow it. It needs appropriate treatment. Have his Lithium levels been checked lately? Has the psychiatrist considered adding an atypical antipsychotic or a second mood stabilizer?

    Decreased need for sleep can occur as daylight lengthens in the spring.
  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I think you did good too. And it's good for the other parent to see this stuff if they don't get a chance to normally. husband was really bad for the longest time about saying he believed me but I don't think he truly did till he got a couple of doses of it himself. Kind of petty, but I always gave him the "told you so" look.

    As for the medications, has he had any changes lately? That COULD be at least a contributing factor if the meltdowns are getting worse.
  4. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    My oldest daughters decreased need for sleep could mean she went DAYS sometimes with NO sleep at all...for years the longest she slept at one time was 4 hours. and that was in Dec and Jan, in spring and summer, she could go on as little as 1 or 2 hours if she bothered to sleep at all. Even on medications, even when she had NO other symptoms.
    Currently she sleeps several days 2-3 hours at a time, then crashes and sleeps 18-24 hours, then begins all over again. Thankfully she is no longer AFRAID to be awake alone, and finally can self amuse.
    I don't think anyone in my family EVER slept 8-9 hours a nite normally, unless ill. (altho since I became ill, I now sleep my 3 hours at nite and 1-2 hours midday- most I have ever slept) My easy child sleeps the most. 6 hours.
  5. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    You know? all 3 of my kids want something to eat after we go out to eat. I do not understand it, but, all 3 of mine are that way, my son usually is asking us when we are in the car in the parking lot still of the restaurant we just ate in "mom, what are we gonna eat!". My oldest kid NEVER likes what she orders, BUT she will claim to like whatever someone else ordered it-until a trade is made, and then she NEVER likes it.

    I am glad your husband got to see the meltdown. It was LOOONG overdue. Hope it helps your husband have a better appreciation for how things are.
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I get that a lot too! Never like what they order. So we go out to eat oh, about once a year now...

    Pam, I hope husband has a better understanding of what you go through.
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Meltdowns in public are embarrassing. But sometimes they have to happen. It does sound to me like the lack of sleep could be a big factor in this. Certainly when difficult child 3 was overtired, it was horrible for raging. He was tried on Zoloft when he was 5, and it seemed to help for a day - then the lack of sleep kicked in and he became worse and worse. By the third day we gave up and took him off it.

    A drama classmate of difficult child 3's has Prader-Willi Syndrome. The mother was telling me about their last outing with him to a restaurant (for her birthday). It was a disaster. They went to a place which had a self-serve salad bar, and he was grabbing at the food with his hands, overloading his plate with more than he could carry, and WAY more than he is permitted to eat. So his mother asked the waiter for a takeaway container and began to remove most of the food from her son's plate.
    "Give me back my food! It's mine! I want it! I'm starving! I HAVE to have it!" over and over, screaming, kicking, apparently it was awful. People were staring, probably wondering why this kid was behaving this way and why the mother as being so strict - the trouble is, Prader-Willi Syndrome kids are permanently hungry, don't know when they've eaten enough and on top of that, need fewer calories - about two thirds what non-PWS kids would need. These kids are on a permanent diet and will hoard food, eat rubbish if necessary (and then have to get their stomach pumped, because they also can't vomit). They can literally eat until their stomach bursts and not realise the danger.

    Someone tried to calm him by offering ice cream - a HUGE no-no. The mother had to refuse it, which kicked things up even higher.

    So despite it being her birthday celebration, they left. That was about a year ago, and last I spoke to her, she hasn't been out to dinner with him, since. Instead she gets a babysitter and goes out for dinner with just her husband.

  8. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Glad husband got to see the difficult child in his finest.
    Dinners out with difficult child always were a very orchestrated ordeal. If it were not a kids type restaurant with things to entertain him or he could roam around looking at things, we had to make sure he had things to do. difficult child didn't care about fine dining. He was just stopping long enough to get fueled.
    We got to the point of never ordering appetizers and bringing kids food as soon as it was ready. If difficult child were inappropriate one of us took him outside to the parking lot until the others were done or he calmed down enough to act civilized.
    difficult child is never going to be a guy who lingers over good food and conversation. He will refuel and go.

    Adolescence is a time of exceptional growth and turmoil. You have my sympathies.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Well you must be thinking "Uh huh - SEE what I endure?" and in our case DF would sit there and say "ARE YOU FOR REAL?" and that just poured gas on the fire. Finally with therapy DF learned that difficult child in part had meltdowns because he was just unhappy and figured that would allow him to get his way - and part because he really couldn't get a grip at the moment.

    We NEVER EVER went out to eat - and I do remember the first time we all DID go out - it was heavenly. NO melt downs, not a peep.

    And as far as raiding the kitchen and pantry when they come home? Yeah - pretty typical here. I think there must be an invisible stomach vacuum from the restaurant to home - that takes all the dinner out of the kids and makes them famished in less than 10.8 miles. (swear)

  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's good husband got to see him at his finest. we never had the problem of difficult child being able to not meltdown in front of husband, still difficult child saves his "finest" moments for me.