husband is starting to be a PITA again. As I feared, when we moved from 'do this, this and that to take a handle of this crisis'-part to 'all that done, now wait and see and hope and pray'-part he is starting to have difficulties to cope. Looking to point fingers, getting frustrated, starting blame game and wanting it to be over with. husband is a traditional guy. He likes being a main breadwinner of the house, he likes being a fixer, he thinks himself of the man of the house and likes to think he is a decision maker here (who just happens to delegate most of the practical decision making to me works wonderfully for both of us.) He thinks himself as a family man. He certainly thinks his biggest responsibility is to take care and protect his own. Our difficult child has never been a good fit to that type of parental thinking and that accompanied with husband feeling a failure and guilty because he wasn't able to protect difficult child from this and having no way to fix it and make it better for difficult child brings all the frustration out of husband. That has always been a sore spot in their relationship. I will never forget when difficult child was still quite little and got himself to an accident and broke his leg and hurt his shoulder and ended up bedridden for sometime because of that. From the point there easy child came inside to tell us difficult child had hurt himself, calming both boys down, to the hospital and back home and making sure difficult child got all medical attention and primary pain relief he needed, and bringing difficult child's bed down to the kitchen and moving tv so he could see that and buying him a new PS game and few books to kill the time, all that husband did well. But when few days went by and difficult child still whined that his shoulder hurt and leg was so itchy he couldn't sleep etc. husband went to total PITA on difficult child. From his point of view he had done everything right and fixed it and the darned child was still uncomfortable and whining and not grateful at all. Just to console difficult child when there is nothing to do to fix it has always been impossibly difficult to husband. He does it much better with easy child and even with me for some reason, but with difficult child he just gets so frustrated right away. And this, if anything, is a situation with no fix, no quick solution, but long road of difficult child still hurting after everything we can do to help has been done. It doesn't help that one of the main perpetrators was a kid we had known, and liked, a long time. The kid husband always hoped difficult child would be more alike. The one husband often referred with 'why can't you do this or that like X?' The kid husband always assumed to be in right when he and difficult child had a problem with each others (not to say that wasn't the truth most of the time.) For that perfect kid to hurt difficult child so bad, it had to be somehow difficult child's fault, now didn't it? Or maybe it was my failure to protect difficult child? Or difficult child's failure to stand his ground and protect himself, be a man? And isn't that so, because his mother coddled him and didn't teach him to take care of himself? No, husband has not yet said any of that aloud, at least not straight up. But I know how he thinks. And he is feeling guilty and like a failure of the dad and that just has to be someone else's fault, doesn't it? I know he is hurting so badly. I know he loves difficult child and would do anything to fix and take away any hurt difficult child has. But I'm hurting too and I will have difficult time to bear husband's hurt on top of my own. And if he shoulders difficult child with any of his own hurt, I may not be able to forgive that. Ever.