Thank you all for the support and ideas. We really do appreciate it!
Here's an UPDATE: We finally spoke with the psychiatrist and discussed another hospital that's almost an hour away and worse if there is traffic. He suggested we call ahead rather than driving all the way out there. I did and it took several phone calls back and forth but they finally did say yes, that they would take him. He was admitted really late Thursday night by the time all the paperwork was done. He's been there a week now and is actually being discharged today.
We've talked with the police, they have been here to talk with us and to also talk with our daughter. When asking more questions with our daughter myself and hearing her answers to the detective it seems this probably happened this past summer. We knew it wasn't in the immediate past because daughter couldn't recall the specific time frame and if it had been in the last couple weeks she would have been able to convey that. From all the info gathered, my best estimation of what happened is that difficult child is at an age where kids are curious about their bodies and sex and that he unfortunately decided to take his curiosity somewhere that it shouldn't have gone but that it wasn't intended to be an overt sexual act towards his sister. The detective we spoke with agreed with that and did say they weren't going to pursue a petition for difficult child (same thing as a warrant but different name because of his age).
The pediatric psychiatrist has, with our permission, added a small dose of concerta to difficult child's medications to assist with curbing his impulsivity, or as he put it, "doing all these crazy, stupid things." I had to laugh at that after I got off the phone because that pretty much sums up my son's behavior in it's most general sense.
We are switching the kids' rooms around to allow for better tracking of who is where. Also, the motion sensor alarm we had at the bottom of the stairs is now going to be in the hallway and pointed at his door. Unfortunately, this means husband and I will be woken up every time he gets up to use the bathroom but for the sake of safety for the other 2 children, it's really a small price to pay.
The detective is supposed to get back to us on services for all of us, not just for difficult child. She agreed with our intention to seek counseling for the other children and we plan to pursue that soon with difficult child's psychiatrist. We figure he's the best place to start because he knows the situation already and there are multiple therapists and counselors within his practice. Obviously, difficult child will continue with his psychiatrist and current therapist. This is a relatively new therapist for him (insurance issues made us have to change). My hope is that this allows for the counseling sessions to be more intense in content and start to make a difference.
husband and I are both still wound up pretty tight these days. Everyday functions seem more difficult than they should be. I'm guessing that's because our brains and emotions are all tied up in other things. It's like we are up to our capacity to handle anything right now so adding anything, even a mundane task like fixing dinner, can be overwhelming. We just confide in each other, every step of the way, reassure each other and give each other lots of hugs. And tag out if we feel like we need to be isolated for a few minutes too.
I'm both happy that difficult child is coming home and having anxiety over how things are going to play out. I'm guessing that's normal...
DS, the 5yo, outright said last night that he doesn't want difficult child to come home and that upset me. I had to tell him not to be unkind to his brother and it's not nice to say such a thing. In retrospect, I should have asked him WHY he didn't want him to come home. I'm fairly sure I know the answer (because he's always causing mom and dad to be mad and making it hard to go places for fun) but I should have asked him anyway just in case there is more to it. I plan to have that one to one conversation later this afternoon.
husband is finishing up and we are headed out the door soon. Wish us luck!!
) that will be helpful.
