Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
husband listed
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 58714" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Hoping the headache improves ... but it seems husband is finally seeing the truth. And even if he doesn't still 'get it ' at least husband followed through and spoke to difficult child about it, so it's not as if he's condoning bad behaviour. I would thank husband for his support over difficult child's bad behaviour and for at least getting him to the game.</p><p></p><p>Let's play Devil's Advocate here - let's assume husband is right. If he IS right, then difficult child clearly needs the strength of his father figure around a lot more. difficult child is far more polite to husband than to you, so asking husband to be a lot more present for a while to deal with difficult child's verbal attacks on you would subsequently make it easier for what YOU say to difficult child, to stick. It's NOT easy, it's not pleasant, but it's what a caring parent does, to stick around a bit more, make a few sacrifices in terms of personal time and personal space, to get their kid back on the tracks if they seem to be getting off them a bit. A bit of time from husband now is going to bear a lot of fruit later on with difficult child.</p><p></p><p>And if YOU'RE right - same tactic, same result (hopefully). With the added likelihood that husband will finally realise that there is something a lot more going on - because it's easier, eventually, to accept that there is a treatable disorder, than an undisciplined brat.</p><p></p><p>So at least verbally, let husband think what he wants, as long as he is doing what you want. You will have to wait until husband comes to you with, "Surely there is more to his behaviour, I've tried to teach him to behave and he's still mouthing off."</p><p>The more you keep loudly insisting there is a disorder, the more husband will deny it. But if you play dumb for a while, it will be easier for husband to come to you and say, "It's about time we got difficult child tested, I'm sure there is something wrong."</p><p>You then say, "Funny you should say that. I've been concerned too plus I could see you were also getting concerned - and I have made an appointment with Dr Z, for his opinion." </p><p>Of course, Dr Z is who difficult child has been seeing all the time.</p><p>Don't lie to husband - just let him think that HE is in charge.</p><p></p><p>My mother was the matriarch of the family. She was the one who really ran things. But she did it most successfully when Dad THOUGHT he was the one making the decisions.</p><p></p><p>Your ultimate goal - to get difficult child helped. Who cares who got things happening? OK, we do, and WE know the truth, and YOU know the truth, but if letting husband think it's his plan gets the job done, then do it that way.</p><p></p><p>Maybe it's because I've got a difficult child husband, or maybe it's because I watched my mother at work - plus I've seen some disasters in how some marriages don't work because of the clash of egos involved, but I've found if I use Ross Greene's methods with the adults around me as well, I do a lot better. It also works when dealing with recalcitrant bureaucracies!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 58714, member: 1991"] Hoping the headache improves ... but it seems husband is finally seeing the truth. And even if he doesn't still 'get it ' at least husband followed through and spoke to difficult child about it, so it's not as if he's condoning bad behaviour. I would thank husband for his support over difficult child's bad behaviour and for at least getting him to the game. Let's play Devil's Advocate here - let's assume husband is right. If he IS right, then difficult child clearly needs the strength of his father figure around a lot more. difficult child is far more polite to husband than to you, so asking husband to be a lot more present for a while to deal with difficult child's verbal attacks on you would subsequently make it easier for what YOU say to difficult child, to stick. It's NOT easy, it's not pleasant, but it's what a caring parent does, to stick around a bit more, make a few sacrifices in terms of personal time and personal space, to get their kid back on the tracks if they seem to be getting off them a bit. A bit of time from husband now is going to bear a lot of fruit later on with difficult child. And if YOU'RE right - same tactic, same result (hopefully). With the added likelihood that husband will finally realise that there is something a lot more going on - because it's easier, eventually, to accept that there is a treatable disorder, than an undisciplined brat. So at least verbally, let husband think what he wants, as long as he is doing what you want. You will have to wait until husband comes to you with, "Surely there is more to his behaviour, I've tried to teach him to behave and he's still mouthing off." The more you keep loudly insisting there is a disorder, the more husband will deny it. But if you play dumb for a while, it will be easier for husband to come to you and say, "It's about time we got difficult child tested, I'm sure there is something wrong." You then say, "Funny you should say that. I've been concerned too plus I could see you were also getting concerned - and I have made an appointment with Dr Z, for his opinion." Of course, Dr Z is who difficult child has been seeing all the time. Don't lie to husband - just let him think that HE is in charge. My mother was the matriarch of the family. She was the one who really ran things. But she did it most successfully when Dad THOUGHT he was the one making the decisions. Your ultimate goal - to get difficult child helped. Who cares who got things happening? OK, we do, and WE know the truth, and YOU know the truth, but if letting husband think it's his plan gets the job done, then do it that way. Maybe it's because I've got a difficult child husband, or maybe it's because I watched my mother at work - plus I've seen some disasters in how some marriages don't work because of the clash of egos involved, but I've found if I use Ross Greene's methods with the adults around me as well, I do a lot better. It also works when dealing with recalcitrant bureaucracies! Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
husband listed
Top