husband Now Has The Answer

[Wonderful Family]

I go out of town for a few days this week, get the kids up for school on 4 hours of sleep since I get in late since I'm back in town today.

difficult child won't get up for school. We have a three alarm system (Mom gives three warnings; the first two are very nice, the last involves pulling all the blankets off the bed and singing the good morning song very happy and loud).

husband asks me why I'm not more "soothing" to difficult child when I wake him up - in fact, I should be more soothing all the time; after all, he didn't have a bit of a problem when I was out of town . . . we won't discuss the fact that difficult child went back to bed after he left for work and Grandma had to get difficult child to school without us there (and all the calls I routinely get when I'm traveling about difficult child's behavior from husband).

This would be funny if husband didn't forget the reason I'm so picky with difficult child being on time in the morning is because it prevents a major meltdown with Grandma! Of course, morning meltdowns set the tone for the balance of the day.

I just can't wait for the next family counseling session . . . I always end up as the bad guy in these things because it's MOM that requires a path to be kept open in difficult child's room in case of fire!

 

[Mandy]

I think because we (the cartakers as to not be sexist) do the majority of the workload even our partner's dont understand sometimes everything we have to do to keep things working with our difficult child's!! My husband is the best ever and will still make comments sometimes that make me want to scream. I get up difficult child in the morning also, get him dressed and ready. I KNOW if he is going to have a bad day just by how big of a struggle he gives. It can be so frustrating! HUGS!!

 

[Kjs]

I am SO with you here! When difficult child was younger husband brought him to daycare. Then when school started I was home. This year since High School starts earlier husband is home too. (for 15 minutes) He goes in and very softly, gently says "honey...it's time to get up". With years of experience here...I wait 15 minutes, flip on the light and LOUDLY say GET UP. No "honey ****". AND I found out when difficult child was about in 4th grade, I was home one morning with husband. He actually takes his jacket and puts it on the heat vent so it is nice and warm for him. I am such a mean mom. (bad guy always)

 

[Wonderful Family]

I figured you would understand. I thought about discussing with husband; but dropped it, he won't get it.

And they wonder why I miss my dog when I travel - let's see - my dog is here to serve me, keep me comfortable and happy and requires nothing besides a warm lap and a little food?

 

[susiestar]

You know, when my husband pulled that carp I totally agreed with him. I also totally turned getting Wiz to school, soccer, getting homework done, ALL of it over to my husband.

Because if I am the problem, then taking me out of the major caretaker role surely MUST be the solution.

It took husband 3 days to start BEGGING me to take those roles on again. And it took another 2 weeks for me to actually start stepping in. I wanted to make darn sure husband really had a GOOD idea of what really happened.

It ended the carp for me, because husband was terrified I would turn over responsibility for Wiz to him again!

 

[Mandy]

Susie You are sooooo clever!!!! I think I might use that one day. LOL

 

[DaisyFace]

I hear ya!

At the end of a long, trying day with difficult child...I would turn to husband...just looking for him to comfort me and understand how horrible I was feeling--

Instead, he would offer "helpful" advice like "You know, she wouldn't give you such a hard time if you just {insert suggestion here} ".

That was the worst: his confidence that the whole situation could be solved by a 'quick fix'.

Yea, right!

O well--even husband makes mistakes....

--DaisyF

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, does that ever sound familiar! Sometimes, I just want to hop on the next plane out and say, Fine, if you don't need me, I'm outta here!

I have, on several occasions, reminded my husband very specifically about instances where difficult child has acted up in front of him. The day he couldn't get difficult child to take his pill and go to school, when difficult child went for husband's throat, when his eyes glazed over and he sounded like Linda Blair on The Exorcist, when we admitted difficult child to the psychiatric hospital, is a huge case in point.

"Oh, yeah," husband says. "I forgot."

Must be nice.

 

[cadydid]

Are you sure you aren't living in my house?? lol

All of last year I was working 2nd shift, not getting home until 11pm and not to sleep until 1am.. I was getting up at 5 to get the kids up, chores started, lunches made.. I'm sure you understand.

One day, after getting home from working some overtime on a Saturday, I was not able to get out of my car before one kid asking what's for dinner, the other asking if she can go to a friends house, and husband asking me why his uniforms aren't done ( I actually used to iron them lol). I went on what they call strike, I call a plea for sanity. I made sure son got medications, and that's it.. for 3 days I did nothing else.. no cooking no cleaning no nothing but what I needed to do

husband now gets kids up, gets chores going, and gives son his first dose, and makes his own lunch. I started back on 1st shift at the beginning of the year. husband asked if I would start doing what I used to... I looked at him and asked "Why? You're doing such a great job"!!

 

[susiestar]

Yup, sometimes our menfolk just need an attitude adjustment - and turning the kids over to them can be very effective. At least it worked for me!

 

[TerryJ2]

Way To Go, Cadydid!