Get your hands on "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Or get husband to lurk here or join. Or get husband to read the sticky on Explosive Child which we have on Early Childhood forum.
The issue is - these kids need a different way of handling, a different approach to discipline. "Because I said so" ha to go out the window. Stressing over "he disrespected me!" also has to go out the window. Because if you really think about how you talk to difficult child when you are cross with him, or how husband talks to him when he is cross with him - that would, if it was coming from another adult towards you or form a child towards you, seem to be very disrespectful. To the difficult child, this is the example set for them.
Some people at this point will say, "If this kid who is so foul-mouthed wants me to treat him with respect, when he is so disrespectful to me - forget it!"
But as Dr Phil says, someone has to be the hero here. Someone has to start first and set the example. Frankly, to say, "he has to start first!" when you are a parent talking about a child, and a difficult child child at that, is childish behaviour. But so many of us have at some stage been guilty of it.
If you need it for your husband (I needed it for mine) I have my own summary I did, of "Explosive Child" which I can PM to you. It might explain things for him, when he might find reading the book heavy going.
As you said - your husband seemed to be on the ball before, so maybe he's justfinding things a bit stressful right now.
One possible cause for the current problems - if you are already applying "Explosive Child" methods yourself, but husband is not. This can rapidly show up as serious problems for the non-compliant adult. The only way out then, if this is what is happening, is for husband to get on the same page as you, as soon as he can. Again - if he needs to talk to another dad in the same situation, I know my husband would happily share PMs or posts with him.
Marg
