husband thinking problems

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Liahona, Apr 29, 2012.

  1. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    OK. I'm not even sure how to write all this down.

    First, x is taking us to mediation May 10th. (After he doesn't get what he wants from mediation he'll probably be taking us to court.) husband and I were talking about this today. husband starts saying that if the courts order me to pay anything that he isn't going to pay it; that its not really my money its his money. And he doesn't have any say and he "wants a say." (What ever that means - I think it means that he wants to tell the court off.)

    I asked what he is going to do if I am ordered to pay something, I don't pay it (because I don't have any money), I get taken back to court by x for contempt, and then put in jail. Yes, this commissionaire is big on putting people in jail for contempt of court. He said "I could sue the state" I just gave him the raised eyebrow and waited. husband said "I Don't Know!" "I just want a say and I'm not going to pay anything more." I pointed out to him that there have been times that he has fallen into traps laid by x that everyone else can see and there are other times that he has very insightful comments. "I'm going to make the court listen to me!" I asked him "How?" husband said "I don't know! I'm not even to that part of the conversation" (well we're having a conversation about it now. I didn't say that out loud but I was thinking it.) "I'm not even allowed to talk to Mr. our lawyer" I asked him if I needed to get a job. Then he huffed off.

    Yes, I know husband has major problems in his thinking of 'its my money and not hers'. We've actually made much progress on him not spending us into oblivion. If he keeps insisting this and makes a stink about it in court a few things are going to happen. Its not going to be nice. First, the commissionaire will order me to pay something just because he is a power hungry jerk. Second, husband could be ordered from the court room. Third, I'll end up in jail until husband agrees to pay it. This will devastate our kids and throw our family into a tail spin. Fourth, husband's fit could cost us about a thousand of dollars to fix because of how expensive the lawyer is. Fifth, I'll lose much needed credibility in court. How do I get an autistic man to understand the cost isn't worth it? I can't get him to understand that he can't win going against the court.

    I'm not saying he shouldn't have a say. And he does have a say; its just not the last say. I take what he says into consideration (and sometimes he has good insight) then I tell my lawyer what to do. And husband has tried to go over my head in the past and tell the lawyer to do something else. (Which at the time would've been disastrous - husband just doesn't see things from the courts point of view but I can't convince him that the court won't agree with him.) And the lawyer came to me and I told him to not take orders from husband.

    This is one area I'm not backing down from - difficult child 1, my freedom, my family is at stake.

    Thanks for letting me vent and if anyone knows how to change his mind I'd appreciate some help.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I think someone cloned my husband.

    MY husband..........would carry on like that up until the point of being physically in the court room. Then?? He'd clam up and let me do all the talking. Now, at worst, he might mumble under his breath or make faces.......but he rarely carried out anything he threatened to do beforehand, actually.......he never did. Once I figured this out? I just let him rant. I figured he needed to rant.......and let it run in one ear and out the other. Often I agreed with him, sometimes not. But being in a room of strangers, let alone one with significant power.......made him clam up. (at least the military taught him that much lol )

    He does have a valid point, however. And I wonder if perhaps you explain it to Mr Lawyer, if he could see if he can do anything with it. I know that if I matter how far behind husband was in child support (he really wasn't, Missouri was giving us hades), they couldn't touch my income OR count it as income to base child support off of. Because katie is not my child and I am not responsible for her financial well being. some odd way, perhaps Mr. Lawyer could find a way to make that work in reverse. X is not your husband's X, technically he is not responsible for the financial welfare of children not his bio kids. (yes, I know realistically he is, but we're talking legally) You don't work, therefore have no income. Are you getting the jest of what I'm saying?

    See, once I was taken to court for non payment of a bill that went into collection. I was fighting it because I'd been paying the doctor what I could afford to pay (trust me not much) and he sent it to collection anyway. Peeved me off, so I refused to pay the collection co. I explain this to the judge/mediator. No, I had no job and no income. Lawyer for the debt collector had a fit and said that there was income because husband worked and he wanted husband's pay garnished. Judge just shook her head. Original debt was only in my name. It was not husband's debt, not his responsibility in the eyes of the court. And since I had no income, judge threw the case out and told the lawyer to tell his client he might want to re-think buying up delinquent accts from doctors. lol

    husband and I were both shocked. I'd just hoped to state my case to prevent wage garnishment (we seriously couldn't afford it), I never dreamed they wouldn't hold husband responsible, I was afterall his spouse.

    Maybe Mr Lawyer can't do anything with this perspective. But it doesn't hurt to ask. And then maybe husband will feel like someone has at least listened to him, even if it wasn't doable. Know what I mean??

    Actually, his logic makes perfect sense. But then, I've spent nearly my entire adult life around autistics.
  3. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Thanks Lisa, I really hope that is the case here. I can see that complaining to me at home is very different than making a stink to a powerful stranger in a room full of strangers. That is a relief.

    I think I will take it up with the lawyer. I don't anticipate being ordered to pay more fees (besides our own lawyer and even that x might be ordered to pay part of.) The I shouldn't have to pay this because its not my x or my child argument might work. (Of course it might not - this commissionaire is stinker.)
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    I don't see how you can be required to pay too much if you don't have any income. There have been cases where support was based on what a person was capable of earning. But that's when a professional quits their job or retires early just to avoid paying support. Given that you have five other children, it's not unusual for you not to be working. Even if you were, the fact that you had five other children would factor in to what you were required to pay.

    by the way did I miss something major here? I thought you had custody? Anyway. Most states have online child support calculators where you can enter your information and get an estimate of what you'll need to pay. If custody is shared, then it's usually a really small amount.
  5. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    This isn't about custody or child support. X pays me child support. husband is talking about the third party visitation scheduler/coordinator or transportation to visitation or x is saying we're going to have to pay for his lawyer, ect... Right now the court has said that I pay half of the transportation and scheduling costs and x pays half. Another reason husband is so miffed is that in reality we've been paying all of it for years. I would've gone back to court over it but husband didn't want to because it would've looked petty.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Do you have receipts, checks/check register, etc... of your payments of these things? Or can you contact whomever you pay and get them to give you a printout of what you have paid and what x has paid? This should be quite easy to get, I would think. Of course this is court related stuff, so maybe it won't be.

    If you take those receipts to the atty, and give him this PROOF that you have already been paying ALL for the visits, the judge is NOT going to be happy with x. Not. At. All. The more power-hungry a judge (or whatever he is) is, the more angry they get if they find out you didn't pay your share and the other party paid double. It is also very good ammo for the atty to work with on a case like this.
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Proving it won't be a problem. X admits that he won't pay it. Says its all my fault. Yes, judge will be livid. And I'm thinking the way husband is feeling it just might become an issue this time around.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Okkkkk. X won't pay his share. Ahhh, now the light dawns. X figures as long as he keeps creating a stink it will deflect attention from the fact that he's not paying what he should be paying. I hope you can gather up all the evidence to show you've literally been paying yours and HIS share for years........and hopefully the judge will then make his life a living hades.

    We didn't have such issues with husband's ex, thankfully. It wasn't even her fault about the child support. It WAS however, her fault for staying on welfare for years when she was perfectly capable of working. It really WASN'T her fault MO says you gotta pay that back TOO, even though that was HER choice to make. (and yeah, that was the whole issue until the fed govt got involved because Ohio actually took our side and reported it)
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Lia, can you explain this to the lawyer and have the lawyer let him know that he has heard his concerns but that it is up to him to make any comments??? could he be the one to say that what he is saying can be twisted and really hurt him in the long run? How does he expect to take care of the kids if you are not around? (doubt that would happen, but....if the judge is that crazy)....

    Do you not have a lawyer until mediation is done or do you have one anyway??

    Could he have been blowing off steam or do you think he would really say those things? I'm sorry that is adding to your stress. Will add you to the prayer list!