husband Vent

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Sep 8, 2011.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Feel free to ignore, but if I don't unload I may smother him.

    The man has taken a heavy duty dive off the deep end. I am seriously believing he's lost his marbles.

    He has not smoked. That I'll give him credit for, but he doesn't have much choice either. I have both his bank cards, his license, and he's scared to death to drive and I flat out refuse to give him one or buy him any. Travis won't budge either. He won't cross me. lol

    He's terrified to go upstairs to sleep.

    He's made up some new thing with his arm......."it doesn't work right" is what he tells me but can't seem to decide if it's large motor skill issues or fine motor skill issues......and if I rile him up some about it, strangest thing he's using it just hunky dory......or if I'm not looking. I rile him up because I'm not buying into it. I've dealt with this arm issue before on and off every since I broke both my shoulders at least. He claims to be soiling himself........I wouldn't know as I refuse to clean up that type of mess, HE cleans it up, not me. He's claiming to have watery diarrhea (sorry if too much information). Well, those pain medications were heavy duty and stopped him up but good, so yeah when it finally cleans out it tends to have that effect from the bowel being irritated. So when I asked why that would cause him to soil himself......because seriously he is NOT that far from the bathroom........he says it's because his arm doesn't work to get his pants on and off. Yet lately he walks across the room and doesn't seem to care much that his pants are falling off, so I don't see where getting them off would be an issue. :hammer:

    I'm not so sure I'm buying into the soiling issue either.

    He's attempting to take over the livingroom as his personal bedroom, since he sleeps on the floor this is fast becoming a major issue. Two days running he's had a major hissy fit because I won't bring down the pad and mattress from our bed. Uh no, I'm not sleeping on the livingroom floor.....and no, there is not going to be a huge mattress on the livingroom floor so no one can walk. Plus Betsy has to stay gated in the livingroom to keep her separate from Molly........where am I supposed to put her? on the roof? Today he had a fit because I wouldn't go get him a twin air mattress. Well, get over it. You can sleep upstairs until the rooms are switched if you wish to be comfy.

    So while I was over at easy child's, my totally helpless husband managed to navigate the family room, move several cases of canning jars, remove the cushions from the rollaway couch, bring them into the livingroom and construct himself a bed right smack in the middle of the livingroom floor. Needless to say, I was NOT pleased. Bad enough to have to move all the pillows and blankets every time Betsy has to be in the 3 extra couch cushions on top of it.

    I told him this evening Betsy had to come in and he needed to pick up his "bed". I went out to get her, came back and all he'd moved were his blankets and pillows. Oh, he'd tell her to stay off his bed. So I go to get her food, knowing full well Betsy is NOT going to stay off something ON THE FLOOR that comfy. She's not stupid. He starts yelling at her and threatening her.

    I blew. I stomped in there and told him if he'd stop sleeping in the d@mn livingroom and on the dog's floor she wouldn't be messing with his "bed".....and yanked it up and threw it all on the loveseat with him sputtering it would take him forever to make it up again. I said GOOD, this is HER room too, so get over it or sleep upstairs!

    Honestly this is the second time I blew on him today. First was over smoking when he asked, I told him no, and he told me well it was HIS money.....and no that didn't turn out too pretty. I don't put up with such crud. He pulled this in front of Nichole and Aubrey which made me even more furious. I told Nichole next time he whips out that line I'm coming back with this is MY house as I paid for it with MY money so you can shut up or get the bleep out!:rollingpin:

    He won't do his walking. He's sneaking food. He won't put on the compression stockings I spent 30 bucks on cuz he's pretending his arm isn't working. (and yes I'm being a witch and refusing to "help" him do it) He won't even put on the d@mn patches I spent 30 bucks on. So I won't be buying any more of them.

    Oh, went to put his medications in his hand this morning....made sure to put them into his "good" hand as last night he let them drop all over the floor. He put them into his mouth, I gave him a bottle of water, he grabbed it to hard and it was full and water spilled out. He glared at me (this was immediately following the cigarette incident). I told to wipe that glare off his face cuz if I'd have done it, the water would've been poured over his frimping head!

    This is just the high points. This is non stop the entire time he's awake.

    I'm trying very very hard to remember this total nut job right now is normally my best friend. I spent nearly every moment of the day wanting to knock him upside the head.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Oh, Lisa.

    You're caught in the chicken-and-egg problem.
    Not enough time to get everything switched around.
    Everything else going wrong on top of it making it so... you can't get time to switch stuff around.

    Sneaking food... play with this one... tricks that work with overeating difficult children... like: an oversized lunch-box, or two depending on what you're putting in. YOU pack into that the day's worth of snacks. You've calculated it out of his caloric intake... this is part of his veggies, carbs, etc. One lunch-box cooler has an ice-pack - to keep fresh veggies cold, for example. The other might have some popcorn or whatever. He can eat it fast, he can eat it slow, he can eat it all or only half of it. But the FRIDGE and PANTRY are off-limits. If he doesn't like the stuff in there, he has to negotiate for what you put in tomorrow. (but I don't LIKE cucumbers... ok fiine you can have carrots). Set him up with this stuff so he doesn't have to move. Make it easy for him (for now).

    Later, you can put it half-way to the kitchen, and get him to stretch his legs - put it in a spot where he can't sit down beside it and eat there...

    Hang in there, Lisa.
    Its a tough transition for ALL of you.
  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    You know what? I would start collecting brochures or looking up web sites (and leaving them up on the computer) for nursing homes. If he's truly THAT impaired/incapacitated, then he really needs more care than can be provided at home. Or maybe home health care nurses....that sort of thing. Put an option in front of him that would be pure h3ll to him that may make him suddenly decide he's better than he thought.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, Lisa. I would have run out of patience several days earlier. I like Stang's idea of nursing home brochures; he'll either get with the program or not.
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Lisa, move the fridge upstairs to the bedroom. Or out to the garage. Only stock the food he is permitted, in the fridge he can reach. As for the bad arm thing - carry on as you are. If he can make up such a complex bed, there is nothing wrong with his arm that stops him from being able to take his medications.
    I've been there with a bad arm - it came on fairly suddenly, it was a shock and I rapidly had to adapt. But I had two kids, including a baby I was still breastfeeding, plus a full-time job. I had to manage. And I did. Yes, I sometimes dropped stuff but learned fast. There are ways you can grip, things you can do, to make the task easier.

    He needs to make adjustments and it sounds like he's really scared, trying to find a physical focus and distraction.


  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Stang, I just may do that. LOL

    Sadly there is no where to move the frig except where it is. And thankfully I don't stock "junk" foods. And I've not picked up any of his old favorites. His sneaking food is sneaking "normal" foods.....but it increases the calorie count for someone who should be dropping the weight. I knew it wouldn't be easy with him quitting smoking at the same time, but not much I can do about it. I'm trying to keep the calorie / fat numbers down to reasonable. Not easy to do when I know he's sneaking......and a banana is still sneaking even though it's better than say a cupcake.

    He apologized tonight and promises to try to do better. We did a little talking. He said he feels like he's drowning in anxiety. I told him that when I'm able to take him to the doctor, doctor is not going to script an endless supply of anxiety medications. He's going to have to learn to cope with it even with the medications, they aren't magic pills. So he might as well start learning to cope now, even before the medications.

    The arm is his fear or anxiety or both. If I'm not watching, if he's not paying attention to what he's doing.....or I rile him up, he's moving both the arm and fingers just fine. I observe him far more closely than he'll ever realize because I do it subtly.

    If I don't force him to do things he'll sit and vegetate. He does everything for himself except the pills because so far that's the only way I can keep him up and moving. Thirst / hunger can be a great motivator to walk across the house to get it when someone won't get it for you. The pills I do because doling them out is a bit complicated. Tomorrow I'm setting up his pill minder and he'll start doing them himself too. I'll supervise without him realizing it.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Yer doin' a good job, Lisa.
    Sounds like some "venting" is the current script for YOU.
    Helps to just "dump" sometimes... and if something useful comes back, that's a bonus.

    Its baby steps. And 2-forward-1-back. But its progress.
    Pat yourself on the back for me!