husband went drinking.


Active Member
Does husband do any 'bloke' stuff with difficult child? For example, when difficult child 3 had a school project to do ("make a compost bin") and it was something we were going to do anyway, husband talked difficult child 3 through it, helped him with the drill and screwdriver. He also helps him with his photography, we go out for walks and 'the boys' will talk about framing, composition, patience and how to get a good photo not by chasing the birds, but by watching where the birds are going to, and then going there, sitting quietly and waiting.

Even if husband is being inconsistent and a ratbag in other ways, if he is spending ANY quality time with difficult child it has to be a bonus.

How much encouragement would he need to do this? To maybe support difficult child in a hobby? Or teach difficult child some 'bloke' skills such as basic carpentry, car maintenance, etc.



husband spends every minute with difficult child. Does anything difficult child may suggest, even it is directly after misbehaving.

He does much more with him than I do. I seem to spend most of my time running errands and disciplining. I am the target of difficult child's anger, so we tend to have much more tense times. difficult child would never speak to husband the way he speaks to me.

don't get the wrong idea though. I do things with difficult child. We went golfing the other day. difficult child had a great time. I couldn't golf because of my elbow's, but difficult child has really been wanting to do this. husband couldn't go because of his knee's. They made me pay even though I didn't golf. Said I had to pay if I was going to be on the course. Then ofcourse had to rent clubs, and totally forgot about balls and tee's.

I will be taking difficult child to the waterpark out of town with a friend, and we usually go there in winter too.(minus husband) He doesn't especially like to swim. But on the other hand, husband takes difficult child to the fitness club and plays ball with him for hours, I don't particularly care for that.


Active Member
That sounds great! I'm glad you both have quality time with him. For all his other lacks, at least husband is doing that with him.

If you can't play golf because of your elbows, what about mini-golf? It's difficult child 3's current passion, although if we took him to a full-scale golf course I think he'd be in heaven. We just can't afford it, plus I don't even know where the nearest one is. While we were on holiday we found the best mini-golf place we've ever seen - loads of fun. AND indoors, in the snow.

Often with difficult children, exercise is really good. It gives them a safe outlet for at least some of that energy.

If husband is not considering timing (re punishment) when doing things with difficult child, then don't choose any consequences which he could undermine, deliberately or accidentally. For example, if difficult child makes a mess and you want him to clean it up but husband takes him off somewhere, then leave the mess for difficult child to do later. Maybe not a great example, but you get my drift. When difficult child 3 would throw a tantrum and trash his bed, I refused to re-make it. He had to sleep in it himself and make it himself, unless he apologised and asked me nicely.

he learnt to make his own bed. fast.



Well-Known Member
Actually, the way you've split up your activities and interests with-difficult child is pretty good. (Minus the green fees you don't really use!)
At least there's some good to come of this.
Good luck.