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husband went drinking.
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<blockquote data-quote="IMSnoopee" data-source="post: 57488" data-attributes="member: 3740"><p>Sounds too familiar to me. Sorry to hear this is happening. In an ideal world, your husband would accept counseling as an option, but since he won't even see a doctor, your chances of a therapist visit is nil.</p><p></p><p>I was married to a man like that, but a younger version and he drank daily. I kicked him out when I realized the affect he was having on our children. He never hit me, but he was definately agressive and intimidating. </p><p></p><p>I don't suggest people to break up their marriages. That is such a big deal and so personal. But I would think hard about how you are dealing with him and the verbal/emotional abuse. I know he hit you, but it sounds like you have accepted it. I know I'm gonna get a backlash on this, but a lot of marriages have a knock-down, drag-out fight once in awhile and someone gets hit. And I don't think that is cause to divorce -- just MY opinion.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, something I learned when I got divorced was how delicate a man's ego is. Many men (especially in your husband's generation) was brought up with-physical abuse in the home and taught to not show emotion. "Be a man" kind of thing. I remember treating my DEX as though he didn't have any emotions. I never stopped to consider what he may be going through or what I was doing to carry on that "be a man" attitude. </p><p></p><p>Everything in a man's life is wrapped around his identity as a man. His work, his children, his home, his wife. He may not take vacations because he believes he'd be considered not a hard-worker. What was his father like about work? He may not go to the doctor's for a host of reasons. Did someone he love or was close to die in a hospital, get misdiagnosed and die, or does it consist of missing work to go? And the difficult child... if your husband is anything like my dad (which is just a few years older than your husband), he may be in denial because he thinks it's a reflection of him.</p><p></p><p>Maybe you can take a different approach to what you've tried before. Just simply asking 'what's wrong' won't get you much of a response to someone used to not talking. You're the best person to get him to talk. You've known him the longest and the most intimately. As for your anger and your need to get things out, I say take it out on a therapist where you can role play. It might help you not get as upset when talking to husband.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="IMSnoopee, post: 57488, member: 3740"] Sounds too familiar to me. Sorry to hear this is happening. In an ideal world, your husband would accept counseling as an option, but since he won't even see a doctor, your chances of a therapist visit is nil. I was married to a man like that, but a younger version and he drank daily. I kicked him out when I realized the affect he was having on our children. He never hit me, but he was definately agressive and intimidating. I don't suggest people to break up their marriages. That is such a big deal and so personal. But I would think hard about how you are dealing with him and the verbal/emotional abuse. I know he hit you, but it sounds like you have accepted it. I know I'm gonna get a backlash on this, but a lot of marriages have a knock-down, drag-out fight once in awhile and someone gets hit. And I don't think that is cause to divorce -- just MY opinion. Anyhow, something I learned when I got divorced was how delicate a man's ego is. Many men (especially in your husband's generation) was brought up with-physical abuse in the home and taught to not show emotion. "Be a man" kind of thing. I remember treating my DEX as though he didn't have any emotions. I never stopped to consider what he may be going through or what I was doing to carry on that "be a man" attitude. Everything in a man's life is wrapped around his identity as a man. His work, his children, his home, his wife. He may not take vacations because he believes he'd be considered not a hard-worker. What was his father like about work? He may not go to the doctor's for a host of reasons. Did someone he love or was close to die in a hospital, get misdiagnosed and die, or does it consist of missing work to go? And the difficult child... if your husband is anything like my dad (which is just a few years older than your husband), he may be in denial because he thinks it's a reflection of him. Maybe you can take a different approach to what you've tried before. Just simply asking 'what's wrong' won't get you much of a response to someone used to not talking. You're the best person to get him to talk. You've known him the longest and the most intimately. As for your anger and your need to get things out, I say take it out on a therapist where you can role play. It might help you not get as upset when talking to husband. [/QUOTE]
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