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The Watercooler
husband went drinking.
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<blockquote data-quote="muttmeister" data-source="post: 57489" data-attributes="member: 135"><p>Have you considered going to counseling without him? You say you don't believe counseling helps. I kinda agree with you. Both of my difficult children were sent to counseling and it didn't help either one of them but that is because (I believe) they were there because somebody else told them they had to go. I do believe counseling helps people who want to be helped. I'm not suggesting you necessarily need counseling per se but perhaps a counselor could give you some insight into how to respond to your husband when he is like this. </p><p>I do believe men tend to hold things in too much. I've been told by many people that in spite of my being a pretty feminine woman in many ways, I think and act "like a man" and I know I do tend to hold in emotions. I think I see going to a doctor as a sign of weakness and I think that a lot of men feel that way. They think that if they just "tough it out" it makes them a better person. Hopefully I have enough female sense to see that that really doesn't make sense but I think I do understand the male point of view.</p><p>Perhaps he is having a belated "mid life crisis." Perhaps he has troubles at work or someplace else that he doesn't want to burden you with. If he seems to be "falling apart" there may be reasons which he is too ???? to share with you. Maybe he sees admitting his problems as a sign of weakness and he does not want to show that side to you. </p><p>Only you know if he is worth the time and effort to try to save but you do have 21 years invested in him. If you do want to leave, I wouldn't let the financial part stand in the way. When I divorced my ex, I had financial problems too but peace of mind is worth a lot more than money. If he thinks it is OK to hit you, even on the arm, that is a bad sign. And being yelled at all the time is something NOBODY should have to put up with. </p><p>Perhaps a counselor could help you sort out your options. I don't think counselors are there to solve your problems but I do believe that, if you want them to and are willing to work with them, they can help YOU solve your problems.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="muttmeister, post: 57489, member: 135"] Have you considered going to counseling without him? You say you don't believe counseling helps. I kinda agree with you. Both of my difficult children were sent to counseling and it didn't help either one of them but that is because (I believe) they were there because somebody else told them they had to go. I do believe counseling helps people who want to be helped. I'm not suggesting you necessarily need counseling per se but perhaps a counselor could give you some insight into how to respond to your husband when he is like this. I do believe men tend to hold things in too much. I've been told by many people that in spite of my being a pretty feminine woman in many ways, I think and act "like a man" and I know I do tend to hold in emotions. I think I see going to a doctor as a sign of weakness and I think that a lot of men feel that way. They think that if they just "tough it out" it makes them a better person. Hopefully I have enough female sense to see that that really doesn't make sense but I think I do understand the male point of view. Perhaps he is having a belated "mid life crisis." Perhaps he has troubles at work or someplace else that he doesn't want to burden you with. If he seems to be "falling apart" there may be reasons which he is too ???? to share with you. Maybe he sees admitting his problems as a sign of weakness and he does not want to show that side to you. Only you know if he is worth the time and effort to try to save but you do have 21 years invested in him. If you do want to leave, I wouldn't let the financial part stand in the way. When I divorced my ex, I had financial problems too but peace of mind is worth a lot more than money. If he thinks it is OK to hit you, even on the arm, that is a bad sign. And being yelled at all the time is something NOBODY should have to put up with. Perhaps a counselor could help you sort out your options. I don't think counselors are there to solve your problems but I do believe that, if you want them to and are willing to work with them, they can help YOU solve your problems. [/QUOTE]
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