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<blockquote data-quote="'Chelle" data-source="post: 13853" data-attributes="member: 1161"><p>Well darn, just lost a long post of commisseration for you. But took me too long to finish and it's disappeared. Now it's midnight here a I gotta get to bed. Anyway, I totally understand where you're coming from, I'm convinced that my husband is on the autism spectrum, after what I've learned from reading etc. for difficult child. difficult child's therapist and psychiatrist have both stated that husband would probably benefit from an evaluation and therapy, but I don't think it sank in with him. He won't do any reading etc. on difficult child's diagnosis, maybe because he knows he'd see himself LOL. Anyway, we haven't had a joint checking account since around year 3 of our marriage, and I have access to his bank account, he doesn't to mine. What works for us is it's totally set out what comes out of his paycheck for which bills even if it has to go into my account first. We figure out what is "left" after everything (including any savings so you can build up an emergency fund) and that's what he can spend on his "stuff" (his obsessions like John Wayne movies, or WWII fighter plane or Star Trek models). This set up didn't happen over night, and we've had some rocky roads in our marriage because until difficult child's diagnosis all I could see in husband was that he was acting like a jerk (putting it nicely) Realizing husband should probably have this diagnosis does make it easier to be patient with him. Easier to live with it, well it took about 23 years of our 28 year marriage, but we don't fight much anymore, except about difficult child. He and difficult child will never get along in my opinion, husband hasn't a clue and takes anything I say as a criticism (ok I admit sometimes it was especially when difficult child started having problems but I try not to anymore). husband does have some points that made me want to marry him, so I accept he is what he is, though our relationship will never have that closeness I once imagined.</p><p></p><p>Hope you can work these things out between you. Thanks for the aspire site, I might try join that for some more help on living with husband. {{{HUGS}}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="'Chelle, post: 13853, member: 1161"] Well darn, just lost a long post of commisseration for you. But took me too long to finish and it's disappeared. Now it's midnight here a I gotta get to bed. Anyway, I totally understand where you're coming from, I'm convinced that my husband is on the autism spectrum, after what I've learned from reading etc. for difficult child. difficult child's therapist and psychiatrist have both stated that husband would probably benefit from an evaluation and therapy, but I don't think it sank in with him. He won't do any reading etc. on difficult child's diagnosis, maybe because he knows he'd see himself LOL. Anyway, we haven't had a joint checking account since around year 3 of our marriage, and I have access to his bank account, he doesn't to mine. What works for us is it's totally set out what comes out of his paycheck for which bills even if it has to go into my account first. We figure out what is "left" after everything (including any savings so you can build up an emergency fund) and that's what he can spend on his "stuff" (his obsessions like John Wayne movies, or WWII fighter plane or Star Trek models). This set up didn't happen over night, and we've had some rocky roads in our marriage because until difficult child's diagnosis all I could see in husband was that he was acting like a jerk (putting it nicely) Realizing husband should probably have this diagnosis does make it easier to be patient with him. Easier to live with it, well it took about 23 years of our 28 year marriage, but we don't fight much anymore, except about difficult child. He and difficult child will never get along in my opinion, husband hasn't a clue and takes anything I say as a criticism (ok I admit sometimes it was especially when difficult child started having problems but I try not to anymore). husband does have some points that made me want to marry him, so I accept he is what he is, though our relationship will never have that closeness I once imagined. Hope you can work these things out between you. Thanks for the aspire site, I might try join that for some more help on living with husband. {{{HUGS}}} [/QUOTE]
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