husband's family.....total stress

[Jena]

hi!

this is a me thing, not a difficult child thing. husband's family is difficult as is his ex who continues to mess with-us. i'm just getting soo tired of it, it's an addtl. stress ontop of too many other's stressors on me and us.

his dad doesn't like me, i knew it from the start. actually he took to me well years ago when i was working, yet as soon as i got laid off last august the cr*p hit the fan shall we say.

he makes inappropriate comments to me at family gatherings about not working, he talks down to me, etc. husband has spoken to him twice already about it. one time was in a bar, he began with me and quite loudly and i went back at him instead of playing the be the bigger person game i've played for a while.

i think their all nuts personally. all his ppl seem to be absolutely off their rocker. last incident was a few days ago. his ex wanted to drop kids to me at a certain time i expressed thru husband that was not good for me and gave a time that would work. ( we were taking kids camping for 3 days because she wanted to go away with-her partner). long story short husband was at work, i was home running to stores, loading truck, etc. laundry. getting ready to leave at 7 a.m. next day with-5 kids.

his ex (yup she's still a pain in my rear called his father and trashed me basically stating how i do not help with-kids etc. (couldn't be farther from truth i'm soo hands on with them since day one). well his dad than called me, his sister text me, etc. his dad left a nasty message on my cell. i refuse to pick it up and become part of their insanity at that point. giving me tips on how to be a parent, why dont' i pitch in, etc. why am i avoiding him, do i have to call his son, my husband to get permission to call him back lol. real nasty stuff. his sister text asking where are you why aren't you answering your phone. than his dad's girlfriend text me cursing when dad calls you, your respond YOU need to remember who is in charge of this family. LOL

all i can say is she has seen way way too many godfather episodes. never liiked her she's just really a bad person.

so, needless to say his ex wanted to create turmoil and did it yet again. husband yet again spoke to his family telling them how they have to respect me etc. i wasnt' there for the call. Yet this is like the 3rd or 4th time he's done it.

i told him listen i can't have this drama in my life. i have enough on my plate. if you feel the need to spend holidays, etc. with them than by all means go, yet i do not think i'll be subjecting myself to that anymore. it's 3 years of horrible uneasy holidays for me and mine basically with-his family. we dont' like them at all.

and his ex well let's see she text him on our wedding night, while we were on our honeymoon, as soon as he landed saying oh are you back safe now with a smiley face. he answered none of the texts. yet it doesn't stop her she just keeps on coming.

it's kinda depressing to be honest to know that now i have signed up for a lifetime of this stuff with all of them. the ex will never go away, nor his family. we were hoping once married she'd back off yet it made her come harder.

any thoughts or advice or a plan on how to secretly remove all of them from my world and maybe place them on their own island???

 

[Mattsmom277]

Well as much as a island would be lovely (Can we send some of my clan too .... purdy pwease????) ... I have to say I'm very happy you have a husband who loves his family but stands up for his spouse. It is a tricky situation in best of times, but can be so much worse when a spouse doesn't know how to stand up for his own partner in the face of family.

I think you've got the right idea, simply telling your husband that you can't keep doing these family get togethers when it always ends the same. Seeing as he stands for you, I am betting he is saddened it is this way but probably fully understands. I suggest sticking to your guns. If you do attend some stuff, do it when you know you have the patience and the mental blocking ability to do so without letting it bother you. Perhaps the odd time when it is not a big event for all of you (Not you, husband's or kids birthdays, not Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter etc). That way no big memories and special holidays are ruined for you and the kids and husband.

Eventually these people might see husband seeing them but not on special occassions where you all spend it together, without them. And if they miss it enough, they may be motivated to be civil to you. And if not, you and husband can know you can't control them. People like this just drive me nuts. Is the family still wishing he was with this ex of his? As for her texting for personal reasons? YUCK! And her calling your father in law to complain about YOU? Double YUCK!!! A good answer for husband to his dad etc can be a simple "She's an ex for a reason and her perspective on my WIFE is not likely to be a clear one. She's terrific as a wife AND to my children and that's that. I refuse to have these conversations or entertain the idiocy". As for the ex, sounds like she needs to be told, if she hasn't been directly told and is choosing to ignore it, that she IS an ex, YOU are his wife, NO personal texts are appropriate, and then that's that". Something tells me she's just a bitter thorn in the side that will persist anyhow. I'd just delete her messages unread, and tell her if personal texts are coming in that don't involve important things about this kid, its her own fault if something important is missed since all texts are immediatly deleted without being read. Unless and until she states directly that texts will be used for necessary communication re: the kids.

Let her talk to husband's family and say what she wants, if she chooses and they choose. In the end, you and your husband can just opt right out. It sure stinks they aren't giving you a chance and it must be hard on all of you for obvious reasons. Just enjoy each other and do what it takes to let them live their bitterness but not let it pull you all in.

I like the sound of your husband

 

[Jena]

yea their crazy....... and his ex chose this life, she's gay........ oh boy i don't know if you were around years ago when i shared that lol. so they were together he was happy and she cheated on him with her best friend and filed for divorce.

so, yea she's just not dealing with a full deck on any level i know that to be true. i just ignore her. yet after a while it just gets soo tiring. ya know?? i can't pick up kids on an off day with-o some scene she creates, it's just soo hard.

his family doesnt' really care, and still very attached to his ex. i said for him boy id be ****** if my family did that to me after my wife cheated on me or husband sorry lol. yet they dont' respect husband either. it's just husband who ultimately respects and adores his dad. why i do not know he's such a nasty man overall. made inappropriate remarks at our wedding also. ugh!

his ex he's told her and when he does she just gets worse. there's no point. he's very respect to her, too much soo for my liking yet i can't control the world even though id' LOVE to

thx for the thoughts........