husband's hair-brained idea!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Sue C, Jan 14, 2007.

  1. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    (((hugs)))! I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. My difficult child would take every fresh start, every chance, every time we intervened and fixed stuff,- and just do it again. I got my hopes up each time, and was let down. My advice would be to let her fix it. She knows she needs a job. Only she can get one. She knows what she has to do. She depends on husband to make it alll better, and that will never end if you don't end it. I know it hurts, but her incentive to do better is to actually have a consequence. I do know how badly you are hurting. She won't die out in the real world. Things aren't dire enough for her to make changes as you can see. Our goal is to have our kids be independant functioning adults, even though it may take awhile and they may need extra help from us. Sometimes the extra help comes in the form of letting them face the consequences. Sending support and hugs!-Alyssa
     
  2. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    I called the courthouse today and asked if Melissa could do community service instead of paying her fine. I was told no. I asked if installment payments could be made and was told yes. The lady said that Melissa has to call and arrange them. I told Melissa what I had found out, and she got mad that I had called. She said she wasn't going to call and that she would rather go to jail. (ah, that skewed thinking of hers)

    I also had learned that if Melissa pays for the broken window and starts counseling for anger management and brings in a letter from the counselor stating such, the vandalism ticket MIGHT get dropped. I didn't tell Melissa this, as she was already angry that I called.

    She and husband were going on an errand, and I told him to bring it up if she was being calm. They got home and he told me that he had told her. Her answer was that if she went to a counselor, she would only go to sessions until after the court date was over. husband was hopeful that she would see that the counseling was helping her and she would remain in counseling. (that is if she actually follows up on going)

    I called the school to find out how much the broken window costs, but the Hall Director was not available. She has not called me back.

    Melissa looked at the newspaper ads and the internet today for jobs without prompting from husband or me. She started to apply online at another large chain pet store. The computer timed out on her during the application (I was standing here watching). She said forget it; she wasn't doing it now. (is there something wrong with my computer? this is the second time this has happend!)

    Anyway, I have gone above and beyond my duty to investigate the above for Melissa. I know that many of you would not have done this, but I felt a need to. I informed husband that we are NOT going to pay the $148 fine, seeing how Melissa can call to make payment installment arrangements. If she wants to be stubborn when there is an easy fix to this problem, we certainly are not going to bail her out. So, either she will wise up and call to make payment arrangements or I guess she'll have to go to jail. Or maybe ex can borrow her the money. Wouldn't that be something?

    Thanks for letting me give you an update.
    Sue
     
  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    thanks for the update, it sounds good!
     
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    [ QUOTE ]
    I called the courthouse today... She said she wasn't going to call and that she would rather go to jail. (ah, that skewed thinking of hers)

    [/ QUOTE ]

    It's good to hear that she is making informed decisions.

    [ QUOTE ]
    I also had learned... I didn't tell Melissa this, as she was already angry that I called.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Again, she is making her own choices. Perhaps she doesn't want to know because she has it all figured out in her head. Perhaps she already knows and doesn't want you to know that she isn't doing what you would do.

    [ QUOTE ]
    She and husband were going on an errand, and I told him to bring it up if she was being calm. They got home and he told me that he had told her. Her answer was that if she went to a counselor, she would only go to sessions until after the court date was over. husband was hopeful that she would see that the counseling was helping her and she would remain in counseling. (that is if she actually follows up on going)

    [/ QUOTE ]

    That seems unlikely.

    [ QUOTE ]
    Anyway, I have gone above and beyond my duty to investigate the above for Melissa. I know that many of you would not have done this, but I felt a need to.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    In all seriousness and not to be judgmental, what are you hoping to accomplish? Is it likely that it will come to fruition? She's her own person and she probably won't do what you would do with the information. Does knowing that she could fix it and chooses not to help you cope in any way?

    [ QUOTE ]
    I informed husband that we are NOT going to pay the $148 fine...

    [/ QUOTE ]

    That sounds like the right thing to do.
     
  5. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Witzend:
    [ QUOTE ]
    Does knowing that she could fix it and chooses not to help you cope in any way?


    [/ QUOTE ]
    Actually, yes it does, odd as that might seem. It does help me cope. :smile:

    Sue
     
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    [ QUOTE ]
    Actually, yes it does, odd as that might seem. It does help me cope.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Then that's what you should do.