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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 744661" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear guilt ridden dad</p><p></p><p>I could be guilt ridden too. I probably am but I suppress it. Which is even worse.</p><p></p><p>I dragged my son all over the western hemisphere. First for work we lived in 4 places. Then I decided I wanted to be an expat. And we lived in 2 countries and visited 2 more for months at a time. We'd come back and forth to the USA. I was my son's only continuity. He had ADHD too. When he had trouble in school I blamed the school, fought them or yanked him out.</p><p></p><p>You see. Until I read your post I had not realized I had to blame myself for all this. I thought I was enriching our lives when I was really destabilizing him. I remember one school administrator telling me this. I got mad and blew her off.</p><p></p><p>The thing is this: what good does it do this guilt? All of us have to start where we are. Today. There is no all good or all bad parent. Or kid. All of us can only vow to and do better day by day.</p><p></p><p>When our kids get to be the age they are which for most of us is young adult, the power and responsibility is their own. We can love them with all our hearts but our best shot is to insist they take responsibility.</p><p></p><p>There are many people who do not have the continuity with one parent your son has had, regardless of how you wish you'd done or been more. </p><p></p><p>But everybody has to step up and deal with where they are. You. Your son. Me. My son. Everybody. Guilt changes nothing.</p><p></p><p>The operative word is responsibility. What can each of us do today to take responsibility to do the right thing? Today.</p><p></p><p>Welcome. I hope you stay and post. It helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 744661, member: 18958"] Dear guilt ridden dad I could be guilt ridden too. I probably am but I suppress it. Which is even worse. I dragged my son all over the western hemisphere. First for work we lived in 4 places. Then I decided I wanted to be an expat. And we lived in 2 countries and visited 2 more for months at a time. We'd come back and forth to the USA. I was my son's only continuity. He had ADHD too. When he had trouble in school I blamed the school, fought them or yanked him out. You see. Until I read your post I had not realized I had to blame myself for all this. I thought I was enriching our lives when I was really destabilizing him. I remember one school administrator telling me this. I got mad and blew her off. The thing is this: what good does it do this guilt? All of us have to start where we are. Today. There is no all good or all bad parent. Or kid. All of us can only vow to and do better day by day. When our kids get to be the age they are which for most of us is young adult, the power and responsibility is their own. We can love them with all our hearts but our best shot is to insist they take responsibility. There are many people who do not have the continuity with one parent your son has had, regardless of how you wish you'd done or been more. But everybody has to step up and deal with where they are. You. Your son. Me. My son. Everybody. Guilt changes nothing. The operative word is responsibility. What can each of us do today to take responsibility to do the right thing? Today. Welcome. I hope you stay and post. It helps. [/QUOTE]
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