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<blockquote data-quote="JMom" data-source="post: 757641" data-attributes="member: 19892"><p>Hi Mitch,</p><p>Your son sounds a lot like mine at 18-19. You are doing great with giving him a move out date. He has to be responsible and accountable, otherwise you take on all the consequences for his couch potato behavior. Welcome to this site, you will be amazed how quickly others come along with support, love and kindness. I too googled "I bought my kid a tent today, who does that?". I found this site. That was 7 years ago. You can follow my story if you like by going to my profile. I wish I had found this site BEFORE my son went hard core off the edge with drugs and homelessness, BUT I learned to take control of my life, take care of myself and let my kid control his life and take on the consequences.</p><p></p><p>It is good that your son's friends are not helping him. This will force him to work if he wants to eat and have a car. If he grows during this time, it is his choice. If he doesn't get his act together it is his choice. <u>You are NOT a horrible mother</u>. I had enough with my kid and bought him a tent, sleeping bag, some food, toiletries and dropped him off in the woods. This was AFTER paying for several rehabs, tickets, jail bail outs, dragging him to school and the like. I asked who does that?; and someone in this group very graciously replied "You did what a mother does, you offered food, shelter, clothing and let him go".</p><p></p><p>It was the right thing to do, for us. My son is now 25 (sorta kinda) sober, working the same job for 4 years and has his own place. He is not completely sober (still smokes weed) but his drug usage is in HIS house on HIS terms and bought with HIS money and my family is safe and my things are not being stolen, I think you can save yourself more guilt feelings down the road and avoid any enabling that might follow.</p><p></p><p>I agree with you that your no should mean no, otherwise you are in for a long journey of "no, but, maybe this one time". I know the Navy thing is very disappointing but it probably would have happened anyway and ended with is dishonorable discharge.</p><p></p><p>I would like to recommend the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and perhaps counseling or meditation. Get ready to feel supported.. this group is FANTASTIC!</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>JMOM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JMom, post: 757641, member: 19892"] Hi Mitch, Your son sounds a lot like mine at 18-19. You are doing great with giving him a move out date. He has to be responsible and accountable, otherwise you take on all the consequences for his couch potato behavior. Welcome to this site, you will be amazed how quickly others come along with support, love and kindness. I too googled "I bought my kid a tent today, who does that?". I found this site. That was 7 years ago. You can follow my story if you like by going to my profile. I wish I had found this site BEFORE my son went hard core off the edge with drugs and homelessness, BUT I learned to take control of my life, take care of myself and let my kid control his life and take on the consequences. It is good that your son's friends are not helping him. This will force him to work if he wants to eat and have a car. If he grows during this time, it is his choice. If he doesn't get his act together it is his choice. [U]You are NOT a horrible mother[/U]. I had enough with my kid and bought him a tent, sleeping bag, some food, toiletries and dropped him off in the woods. This was AFTER paying for several rehabs, tickets, jail bail outs, dragging him to school and the like. I asked who does that?; and someone in this group very graciously replied "You did what a mother does, you offered food, shelter, clothing and let him go". It was the right thing to do, for us. My son is now 25 (sorta kinda) sober, working the same job for 4 years and has his own place. He is not completely sober (still smokes weed) but his drug usage is in HIS house on HIS terms and bought with HIS money and my family is safe and my things are not being stolen, I think you can save yourself more guilt feelings down the road and avoid any enabling that might follow. I agree with you that your no should mean no, otherwise you are in for a long journey of "no, but, maybe this one time". I know the Navy thing is very disappointing but it probably would have happened anyway and ended with is dishonorable discharge. I would like to recommend the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and perhaps counseling or meditation. Get ready to feel supported.. this group is FANTASTIC! Hugs, JMOM [/QUOTE]
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