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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 690734" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I am sorry for your troubles Lil it is so hard to go through. What you are describing sounds a lot like my two. It is always something to do with everyone else. I wonder if it is just too frustrating for them to look at their own responsibility for the rut they dig. They freeze and hunker down in the trench more and more. Where some folks would eventually "pull up the bootstraps" and grit their teeth, their boots are in still in the dang closet. Mine can manage to go out and party with their friends but when it comes to taking care of business? Totally lacking. If they would put the same amount of effort to working as they do carousing with friends they would have somewhat a better life. I guess the biggest thing here for me is that I want a better life more for my two than they do. Looking back at when they were younger and <em>we</em> <em>struggled</em> with the reality and desperation of their situation, it seemed to affect us equally or even more so than it did them. Then the help became this sense of entitlement with them, we were "supposed" to, and I think it mattered not what affect it had on us. There was no end to the drama, the more we suffered, the more entrenched they became. The more we became desperate over their choices, the more they seemed to hand over the consequences to us. It just became this vicious cycle. It was and is a game I am no longer willing to play.</p><p>My Tornado came over with the grands, "We are going to stay the night, Mom and get up early and help in the yard." Well, now I realize it was a ploy. Yes, I am glad to see my grands, but realize their parents really wanted to go out and party, which turned into drama, and being the beginning of the month before the food stamps came in, they ran out of food at home. So now I had hungry grandkids to feed, their parents off and on arguing, then sleeping off their partying while the kids fought over tv shows. Welcome to my "Jerry Springer" world. Sheesh, I am on a limited budget and can't afford to be housing and feeding the gang, not to mention that I need some peace in my life.</p><p>We were not the "perfect family", who is? But, we did focus on our kids as they were growing, taught them values and made sure they had food on the table. For the life of me, I do not know how or why my daughter continues on this path with her children in tow. But, I do know now that it is not my job to "fix" it.</p><p>It is never ending and I see now that the more I tried, the less she did.</p><p>My two have the same type of reasoning as your son. Yes, he has had some hard knocks, as my two have. Life throws some really crappy stuff at all of us at times. Our d cs are wired differently and mine seem to think the way to go when the chips are down, is to get high, or drunk. Then, when they come down and sober up, they are depressed and unmovable. Ugh.</p><p>Everyone has their own way with dealing with d cs. We all have to be able to look in the mirror. Your son is young, but seems to cycle much like my two. It is so very frustrating.</p><p>I will just offer you this. You deserve peace. I am making that my theme, "I deserve peace."</p><p>Rain is homeless and seems to be okay with herself living that life. I hate it, but what can I do? I deserve peace. So be it. My grands, love those little streetwise hooligans God bless them but they wreak havoc in my house, have two parents who are caught up in their own miserable, cycling lives that they don't see the blessing of having three healthy children. So be it. I deserve peace. God bless them all, and I deserve peace.</p><p>Am I selfish and uncaring? No. I just had to distance my heart and remove myself from the whirlpool of chaos that they <em>choose for themselves</em>. I deserve peace. They will have to figure out their lives and go on their path without my desperation and anxiety. I don't want to live the rest of my life caught up in all of the drama. I did not raise them that way. I don't like drama, don't even watch it on tv.</p><p>As you go through these challenges with your son, please be very kind and gentle to yourself and build upon the <em>peace you deserve.</em></p><p>(((hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 690734, member: 19522"] I am sorry for your troubles Lil it is so hard to go through. What you are describing sounds a lot like my two. It is always something to do with everyone else. I wonder if it is just too frustrating for them to look at their own responsibility for the rut they dig. They freeze and hunker down in the trench more and more. Where some folks would eventually "pull up the bootstraps" and grit their teeth, their boots are in still in the dang closet. Mine can manage to go out and party with their friends but when it comes to taking care of business? Totally lacking. If they would put the same amount of effort to working as they do carousing with friends they would have somewhat a better life. I guess the biggest thing here for me is that I want a better life more for my two than they do. Looking back at when they were younger and [I]we[/I] [I]struggled[/I] with the reality and desperation of their situation, it seemed to affect us equally or even more so than it did them. Then the help became this sense of entitlement with them, we were "supposed" to, and I think it mattered not what affect it had on us. There was no end to the drama, the more we suffered, the more entrenched they became. The more we became desperate over their choices, the more they seemed to hand over the consequences to us. It just became this vicious cycle. It was and is a game I am no longer willing to play. My Tornado came over with the grands, "We are going to stay the night, Mom and get up early and help in the yard." Well, now I realize it was a ploy. Yes, I am glad to see my grands, but realize their parents really wanted to go out and party, which turned into drama, and being the beginning of the month before the food stamps came in, they ran out of food at home. So now I had hungry grandkids to feed, their parents off and on arguing, then sleeping off their partying while the kids fought over tv shows. Welcome to my "Jerry Springer" world. Sheesh, I am on a limited budget and can't afford to be housing and feeding the gang, not to mention that I need some peace in my life. We were not the "perfect family", who is? But, we did focus on our kids as they were growing, taught them values and made sure they had food on the table. For the life of me, I do not know how or why my daughter continues on this path with her children in tow. But, I do know now that it is not my job to "fix" it. It is never ending and I see now that the more I tried, the less she did. My two have the same type of reasoning as your son. Yes, he has had some hard knocks, as my two have. Life throws some really crappy stuff at all of us at times. Our d cs are wired differently and mine seem to think the way to go when the chips are down, is to get high, or drunk. Then, when they come down and sober up, they are depressed and unmovable. Ugh. Everyone has their own way with dealing with d cs. We all have to be able to look in the mirror. Your son is young, but seems to cycle much like my two. It is so very frustrating. I will just offer you this. You deserve peace. I am making that my theme, "I deserve peace." Rain is homeless and seems to be okay with herself living that life. I hate it, but what can I do? I deserve peace. So be it. My grands, love those little streetwise hooligans God bless them but they wreak havoc in my house, have two parents who are caught up in their own miserable, cycling lives that they don't see the blessing of having three healthy children. So be it. I deserve peace. God bless them all, and I deserve peace. Am I selfish and uncaring? No. I just had to distance my heart and remove myself from the whirlpool of chaos that they [I]choose for themselves[/I]. I deserve peace. They will have to figure out their lives and go on their path without my desperation and anxiety. I don't want to live the rest of my life caught up in all of the drama. I did not raise them that way. I don't like drama, don't even watch it on tv. As you go through these challenges with your son, please be very kind and gentle to yourself and build upon the [I]peace you deserve.[/I] (((hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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