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I acted on a suspicion
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 690768" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>I see so many child/adults who view the world this way: Why does everyone have _______ except me? They look around, jealous of what others have (often even, of their parents), and throw these huge "poor me" pity parties, decide nothing is going to change, and just give up. Often with that, "People can take me or leave me," attitude. My daughter does it. I have friends with child/adult children who do it - living in their parents' basements and off of their parents' incomes, all the while bemoaning how hard life is for THEM. I don't know what it is. Lack of coping skills? Society? Media? An unrealistic view that life should be "fair"? Drugs? Poor peer choices? Psychological disorders? Probably a combination of those and other things. Whatever it is, what they DON'T have is motivation, grit, determination, an ability to set and achieve goals, and an acceptance that there will be setbacks with the realization that they aren't roadblocks. </p><p></p><p>Yes, you are going to have to put him out in my opinion, because he is not going to follow through with his end of the agreement. I had to turn my daughter away when she would not follow through - and I would not let her make my life hell or tear my relationships apart. As so many have said, they are resourceful. She is not homeless. She finds people to take her in, feel sorry for her, give her help...before she manipulates them and is tossed to the wind again. It isn't pretty and I hate it for her bc, like your son, no she isn't happy. But she wouldn't be happy anywhere. Happy can't be put in a box with a bow. It comes from within. However, she gets by. I hope that when she gets tired of being tired, tired of being unhappy, tired of an untethered life, she will change. It doesn't matter how tired I am of it...nothing will change until she is tired of it, truly tired of it, and not just saying she is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 690768, member: 19905"] I see so many child/adults who view the world this way: Why does everyone have _______ except me? They look around, jealous of what others have (often even, of their parents), and throw these huge "poor me" pity parties, decide nothing is going to change, and just give up. Often with that, "People can take me or leave me," attitude. My daughter does it. I have friends with child/adult children who do it - living in their parents' basements and off of their parents' incomes, all the while bemoaning how hard life is for THEM. I don't know what it is. Lack of coping skills? Society? Media? An unrealistic view that life should be "fair"? Drugs? Poor peer choices? Psychological disorders? Probably a combination of those and other things. Whatever it is, what they DON'T have is motivation, grit, determination, an ability to set and achieve goals, and an acceptance that there will be setbacks with the realization that they aren't roadblocks. Yes, you are going to have to put him out in my opinion, because he is not going to follow through with his end of the agreement. I had to turn my daughter away when she would not follow through - and I would not let her make my life hell or tear my relationships apart. As so many have said, they are resourceful. She is not homeless. She finds people to take her in, feel sorry for her, give her help...before she manipulates them and is tossed to the wind again. It isn't pretty and I hate it for her bc, like your son, no she isn't happy. But she wouldn't be happy anywhere. Happy can't be put in a box with a bow. It comes from within. However, she gets by. I hope that when she gets tired of being tired, tired of being unhappy, tired of an untethered life, she will change. It doesn't matter how tired I am of it...nothing will change until she is tired of it, truly tired of it, and not just saying she is. [/QUOTE]
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